Is it normal to have baby in room after delivery now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Self back-patter here (apparently).

Look, I'm not saying you can't have help. I'm not saying you should swallow all of your needs and wants forever. I just think those first few hours are important. At least, they are to me. And what struck me about the OP's OP is that she seems to have reached the foregone conclusion that she will not want the baby in her room with her. Honestly, can you all accept, without mocking me, that I truly just don't understand that?

And by the way, I do work, albeit part time and from home. I'm not saying that the mother can NEVER be away from her child. I'm just saying I think those first few hours are important. I think the baby is in your womb for 9 months and then comes out and the world is an overwhelming and scary place. And baby cries, then hears your voice, smells your scent, breastfeeds, whatever, and is comforted. Yeah, I think that there is nothing more important than that, unless some rather exceptional circumstances apply that make separation unavoidable. You're making a huge leap (and putting words into my mouth) by saying that by making this argument I'm telling moms to never work, never leave their children or never take a moments break. I just don't think the first few hours after your child's Big Earth Debut is really the time to take that break. Sorry if somehow that sounds self-congratulatory.

Okay, I've posted before, but I'll rise to the bait. I can accept that you truly emotionally can't understand how other women could feel differently about the birth / immediate post-partum period. What I can't accept is that you can't *intellectually* understand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Self back-patter here (apparently).

Look, I'm not saying you can't have help. I'm not saying you should swallow all of your needs and wants forever. I just think those first few hours are important. At least, they are to me. And what struck me about the OP's OP is that she seems to have reached the foregone conclusion that she will not want the baby in her room with her. Honestly, can you all accept, without mocking me, that I truly just don't understand that?

And by the way, I do work, albeit part time and from home. I'm not saying that the mother can NEVER be away from her child. I'm just saying I think those first few hours are important. I think the baby is in your womb for 9 months and then comes out and the world is an overwhelming and scary place. And baby cries, then hears your voice, smells your scent, breastfeeds, whatever, and is comforted. Yeah, I think that there is nothing more important than that, unless some rather exceptional circumstances apply that make separation unavoidable. You're making a huge leap (and putting words into my mouth) by saying that by making this argument I'm telling moms to never work, never leave their children or never take a moments break. I just don't think the first few hours after your child's Big Earth Debut is really the time to take that break. Sorry if somehow that sounds self-congratulatory.

I'm the prior C-section poster who almost dropped her baby the first night because I wouldn't let her go and fell asleep with her on my chest.

Madam, I take you at your word that you don't intend to upset. But the fact that you keep repeating that you "cannot understand" does not in any way excuse your judgments of others. If you truly cannot understand, then you need to self-reflect, listen to others, and develop more empathy and humility.

Emotionally, most mothers would want to carry and protect their babies forever! But realistically? Some moms are in labor, without food or sleep or pain relief, for more than 48 hours. Others have C-sections, which are major surgery with serious medications. Many moms are simply spent, physically and emotionally. The fact that they need to SLEEP and rest to care for their babies is not selfish. They are not sending the babies to the nursery for 2 straight days and getting spa treatments. They are sending them to be cared for by trained staff so both mommy and baby can sleep, and many on orders that baby be returned the moment BABY wakes up to eat.

In my case, I had major abdominal surgery and was vomiting an hour later from the medicine, with no food or drink that day prior to surgery. I also was sweating up a storm and was loopy from pain meds., with a nursing staff that was not that responsive. It was actually dangerous and FOOLISH of me to keep the baby on my chest as I slept. But that is what I did because I could not bear to let her go.

With my second, I will not take that risk again. My DH will not be able to sleep in the room with me this time around, because he needs to be home with our toddler helping her adjust. So I will be by myself at night, unable to get myself out of bed on my own. I will absolutely use the nursery this time around and I whole-heartedly believe it is the safest and best thing for my family.

Can you understand a little bit more now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Self back-patter here (apparently).

Look, I'm not saying you can't have help. I'm not saying you should swallow all of your needs and wants forever. I just think those first few hours are important. At least, they are to me. And what struck me about the OP's OP is that she seems to have reached the foregone conclusion that she will not want the baby in her room with her. Honestly, can you all accept, without mocking me, that I truly just don't understand that?

And by the way, I do work, albeit part time and from home. I'm not saying that the mother can NEVER be away from her child. I'm just saying I think those first few hours are important. I think the baby is in your womb for 9 months and then comes out and the world is an overwhelming and scary place. And baby cries, then hears your voice, smells your scent, breastfeeds, whatever, and is comforted. Yeah, I think that there is nothing more important than that, unless some rather exceptional circumstances apply that make separation unavoidable. You're making a huge leap (and putting words into my mouth) by saying that by making this argument I'm telling moms to never work, never leave their children or never take a moments break. I just don't think the first few hours after your child's Big Earth Debut is really the time to take that break. Sorry if somehow that sounds self-congratulatory.

Okay, I've posted before, but I'll rise to the bait. I can accept that you truly emotionally can't understand how other women could feel differently about the birth / immediate post-partum period. What I can't accept is that you can't *intellectually* understand that.

Agreed -she's the walking definition of small-minded.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of the "self-congratulatory" PPs....

Let's not call the PP small-minded because she doesn't agree with you. I think she's saying, and I agree, that it's hard for her to understand your perspective .... as it is apparently hard for you to understand hers (and mine) since some of you are taking it to the level that she/we don't respect working moms, etc.

And OP sounded like she was simply flabbergasted that she might not be able to send her baby to the nursery and would have to room with her baby. Yes, I can understand being tired and anticipating being tired, overwhelmed, exhausted, but it's weird to me to think about finally get to see your baby and worrying about it having to sleep in the room with you. Doesn't mean I don't *intellectually* get that perspective -- the OP's original message made it sound like it was a total crisis to not have the baby in the nursery -- it means I don't understand it emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Plus, she continues to act like OP's first response after giving birth will be, "Now, take it away, and bring me another lover!!" Like they'll whisk the baby away immediately so OP can take a nice little nap. Maybe a bubble bath!

PP isn't stupid. She "understands." The wide-eyed thing is just poorly veiled contempt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of the "self-congratulatory" PPs....

Let's not call the PP small-minded because she doesn't agree with you. I think she's saying, and I agree, that it's hard for her to understand your perspective .... as it is apparently hard for you to understand hers (and mine) since some of you are taking it to the level that she/we don't respect working moms, etc.

And OP sounded like she was simply flabbergasted that she might not be able to send her baby to the nursery and would have to room with her baby. Yes, I can understand being tired and anticipating being tired, overwhelmed, exhausted, but it's weird to me to think about finally get to see your baby and worrying about it having to sleep in the room with you. Doesn't mean I don't *intellectually* get that perspective -- the OP's original message made it sound like it was a total crisis to not have the baby in the nursery -- it means I don't understand it emotionally.

Shouldn't you go back to bonding with your child instead of wasting time on these boards with us unfit mothers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of the "self-congratulatory" PPs....

Let's not call the PP small-minded because she doesn't agree with you. I think she's saying, and I agree, that it's hard for her to understand your perspective .... as it is apparently hard for you to understand hers (and mine) since some of you are taking it to the level that she/we don't respect working moms, etc.

And OP sounded like she was simply flabbergasted that she might not be able to send her baby to the nursery and would have to room with her baby. Yes, I can understand being tired and anticipating being tired, overwhelmed, exhausted, but it's weird to me to think about finally get to see your baby and worrying about it having to sleep in the room with you. Doesn't mean I don't *intellectually* get that perspective -- the OP's original message made it sound like it was a total crisis to not have the baby in the nursery -- it means I don't understand it emotionally.

Re: working moms: maybe we can't understand your thought process because it isn't linear: you are worried about a few hours with a newborn with no memory, but once they can remember you, you seem to have no misgivings about leaving them in somebody else's care for many hours per week. But somehow, those first two days are make or break for your relationship with your child. Try telling that to an adoptive parent who wasn't there from minute 1...

You are complaining about people taking the condemning posts of you and your fellow self-congratulators to the next level, yet you are imputing all sorts of meaning to what OP wrote.

[Anonymous]

Well, thank god, it usually doesn't *have* to be. But that is an entirely different flame-war. I stand by my sentiments. I was blessed with happy hormones but had the baby blues as well. Being a new parent is tough as hell; I'm not saying that it's not. But I just personally cannot comprehend how people don't want the baby with them. I guess it is a limitation of my imagination, to be able to get outside of what I think is important. I don't have to agree with you, do I? And what are these boards for if not to be judged by anonymous strangers? Your OP expressed annoyance that you should be expected to care for your own child from the moment it is born. Sorry, I find that ludicrous. And it's not that I defy you a break for a shower or an hour or two of sleep -- I simply think you made yourself sound like the kind of mom who wants the baby carted off the moment it's out. BTW, you are barking up the wrong tree RE single moms and DC power players, whoever that may be (my husband works part time and stays home part time, I do the same, no power players here!). And no judgment about your single-mom status; I have a number of single moms in my family and circle of friends and have nothing but respect. Had I not gotten married I would have considered being a single parent myself. I'm only judging you for your apparent inability to make small sacrifices for your newborn, not your marital status.



There is a huge difference between offering your opinion and being judgemental. You can be a rational person and say you just don't understand those feelings and people can understand that, but the fact that you're actually admitting to being judgemental and telling someone they have an inability to make sacrifices for their child is crossing the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my first over a decade ago. Gearing up again. Heard that the hospital where I will most likely deliver is lovely, nice nurses, spacious private room with couch for visitor etc. However, nurses bring baby directly to room right after delivery and baby stays with you entire time!! Really? As I recall, those two or three days in hospital were the most amazing time to catch up on sleep and lie groaning through the initial recovery pain before returning home to all the responsibilities of parenting. I know that my husband will be there to help, but changing diapers right after a c-section... yikes. Is this how it's done now?

"small minded back patter" here. Please. There is a huge difference between asking the nurses for help and the OP's OP. Reread her post. I've included it for you. She isn't saying "but what if I get really tired and need a break, will the nurses help?" It's a gripe about changing diapers after a c-section and nurses bringing that pesky baby to you right away instead of giving you an "amazing" time in the hospital (amazing not because you get to bond with new baby but because you get to catch up on sleep and take a break from "all the responsibilities of parenting.")

Sorry but yes, I do not think this is right. In life, you'll be judged by other parents, especially if you write something on an anonymous message board that makes more than one poster think you sound like you're not all that into parenting (at least, not on day one).

I think the OP could benefit from an attitude adjustment about parenting, based on this small glimpse she's offered on an anonymous message board. Am I out of line for "judging" her? Maybe. But when you solicit information, you get all sorts of input, not all of it is going to be what you want to hear or agree with. Filter the info, accept what you want, but don't expect responders to pretend they're copacetic when they disagree. I don't care if people think I crossed some imaginary line or hurt your feelings. I'm being genuine about what I believe to be important.

What I find interesting is that it's not enough for the rest of you to debate me on the issue here---you've got to bring working outside the home into it (which doesn't work with me because I work at home anyway) and you've got to pretend that what I said is you don't get ANY breaks. You're setting up a straw man argument, but it isn't at all the same. We're talking about a mom who, absent a disastrous birth, seems quite put off by the aspect of her shiny new baby being in the room with her from the start.

[Anonymous]

New poster here. I cannot comprehend for the life of me the need to have your baby conveniently sent away from you so you don't have to deal with her/him until you go home. Really? A baby that you carried for 9 months, now all alone in a cold room, crying for her mommy? All I remember then is that my son wanted to nurse non-stop and didn't calm down until he was on me skin-to-skin. Shocked that there are moms that feel this is too much of an inconvenience. I'm no earth mother, but Jesus!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. I cannot comprehend for the life of me the need to have your baby conveniently sent away from you so you don't have to deal with her/him until you go home. Really? A baby that you carried for 9 months, now all alone in a cold room, crying for her mommy? All I remember then is that my son wanted to nurse non-stop and didn't calm down until he was on me skin-to-skin. Shocked that there are moms that feel this is too much of an inconvenience. I'm no earth mother, but Jesus!

Right, your son wanted to nurse non-stop. Lots of newborns sleep non-stop but while making a lot of noises that could keep a new mother awake for no good reason. My newborn slept for long stretches the first few days. He was brought back to me the minute he woke to eat and at least once we had the nursery wake him up to eat. We didn't send him to a dungeon, he went to the nursery when I slept. So he wasn't in a cold room and he wasn't crying for his mommy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Self back-patter here (apparently).

Look, I'm not saying you can't have help. I'm not saying you should swallow all of your needs and wants forever. I just think those first few hours are important. At least, they are to me. And what struck me about the OP's OP is that she seems to have reached the foregone conclusion that she will not want the baby in her room with her. Honestly, can you all accept, without mocking me, that I truly just don't understand that?

And by the way, I do work, albeit part time and from home. I'm not saying that the mother can NEVER be away from her child. I'm just saying I think those first few hours are important. I think the baby is in your womb for 9 months and then comes out and the world is an overwhelming and scary place. And baby cries, then hears your voice, smells your scent, breastfeeds, whatever, and is comforted. Yeah, I think that there is nothing more important than that, unless some rather exceptional circumstances apply that make separation unavoidable. You're making a huge leap (and putting words into my mouth) by saying that by making this argument I'm telling moms to never work, never leave their children or never take a moments break. I just don't think the first few hours after your child's Big Earth Debut is really the time to take that break. Sorry if somehow that sounds self-congratulatory.

Where did the OP say she immediately wanted to cart off her child? Where is ANYBODY saying that you should send your newborn to the nursery immediately? Nobody is saying that and you know it. You are back-tracking b/c you know you sound ridiculously judgmental and self-congratulatory. At least admit it.

All people are saying (and all OP was asking) is whether it is expected to keep your newborn with you THE ENTIRE HOSPITAL STAY or whether - at some point (maybe on day 2 or 3, for example), the nursery is used for a few hours for mom to get some much needed sleep.

Talking about putting words into a person's mouth. Read what people are actually saying...and then post.

[Anonymous]

Listen. All of you who remained awake for the entire 48-72 hour hospital, with the baby in-room - I'm sorry, touching you - the whole time: You win. You are better mothers, you are more invested in your new babies, you are better people. You let me know what that blue ribbon arrives.

[Anonymous]

Didn't read everyone's responses, but yes - I delivered at Reston hospital in 2006 and again in 2007. Both times they kept baby in my room probably around 90% of the entire stay. 2006 baby was a screamer, and the nurses didn't want him in the nursery at all. I tried to ask them to take the baby a few times so I could sleep, but they would just bring the baby back 1 hour later saying the baby won't stop crying. It was a very painful experience for me, emotionally with the non-stop crying while physically trying to recover. 2007 baby was a quiet peaceful sleeper, so I didn't mind him in my room at all, he was in the room the entire time except for maybe 1-2 hours when they ran tests. Also, since I just had the baby in 2006, physical recovery wasn't quite as bad.

I get your concern with this, and I personally think the Nurses should only be bringing baby into recovery room if the mother requests it. They claim they do this for the bonding, but I don't get it since it is a RECOVERY ROOM that is suppose to be used for you to recover.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my first over a decade ago. Gearing up again. Heard that the hospital where I will most likely deliver is lovely, nice nurses, spacious private room with couch for visitor etc. However, nurses bring baby directly to room right after delivery and baby stays with you entire time!! Really? As I recall, those two or three days in hospital were the most amazing time to catch up on sleep and lie groaning through the initial recovery pain before returning home to all the responsibilities of parenting. I know that my husband will be there to help, but changing diapers right after a c-section... yikes. Is this how it's done now?

"small minded back patter" here. Please. There is a huge difference between asking the nurses for help and the OP's OP. Reread her post. I've included it for you. She isn't saying "but what if I get really tired and need a break, will the nurses help?" It's a gripe about changing diapers after a c-section and nurses bringing that pesky baby to you right away instead of giving you an "amazing" time in the hospital (amazing not because you get to bond with new baby but because you get to catch up on sleep and take a break from "all the responsibilities of parenting.")

Sorry but yes, I do not think this is right. In life, you'll be judged by other parents, especially if you write something on an anonymous message board that makes more than one poster think you sound like you're not all that into parenting (at least, not on day one).

I think the OP could benefit from an attitude adjustment about parenting, based on this small glimpse she's offered on an anonymous message board. Am I out of line for "judging" her? Maybe. But when you solicit information, you get all sorts of input, not all of it is going to be what you want to hear or agree with. Filter the info, accept what you want, but don't expect responders to pretend they're copacetic when they disagree. I don't care if people think I crossed some imaginary line or hurt your feelings. I'm being genuine about what I believe to be important.

What I find interesting is that it's not enough for the rest of you to debate me on the issue here---you've got to bring working outside the home into it (which doesn't work with me because I work at home anyway) and you've got to pretend that what I said is you don't get ANY breaks. You're setting up a straw man argument, but it isn't at all the same. We're talking about a mom who, absent a disastrous birth, seems quite put off by the aspect of her shiny new baby being in the room with her from the start.

I'm to other "small minded back patter"--I totally agree with the post above.