Is it normal to have baby in room after delivery now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find posts like this very annoying. I can't imagine finally having my baby and then just focusing on how I needed to catch up on my rest. When I had my DD, I couldn't stand to have her out of my sight for a second. I had a c-section. My husband changed all diapers. That first month is so important for bonding and (if you're BFing, establishing BFing); I wouldn't want anyone else soothing my baby but me.

I know I'll get flamed for this post, but really....

I agree with you 100 percent. I didn't have a c-section but I did have a long labor and was up for over 76 hours by the time baby came. I dozed while holding him and breastfeeding him (DH watched us for safety). I carried my baby with me for 9 months. Why would I accept separation when it's most important to be together?

Oh, how cute!!! Two perfect moms in the same place! And they can't stop patting themselves on the back while looking down on all the women who are just horrible mothers...It's tough to be perfect, ladies! But at least we have these two shining examples to condemn us. I am sure they will be great fun at the soccer field in a couple of years.

Well, if the rest of you are at the soccer matches. It might be a good time for you to catch up on your rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not necessarily patting myself on the back so much as i'm questioning why others feel less attached to their babies, or aren't so excited to have the babies in their arms at last that they want to spend time bonding. That initial time period is so very important! And yes, I do want to be awake when I go back home to my first child after I deliver, and I can do so. Lack of sleep for a week or so does not kill you. My first kept us up nearly constantly for 10 days.

I do think it's a luxury that I have a husband who helped me, but something tells me OP is not a single mom without any help. I agree with a PP, she just sounded really annoyed to have to look after her own baby. Yuck.

Because everyone experience Labor & Delivery (and parenting) differently - both physically and emotionally. You sound like one of those lucky women who gets the happy hormones with delivery. I'm very happy for you (and more than a bit jealous), but is it REALLY so hard to understand that your experience of birth is not a universal?

[Anonymous]

I think it is funny that people constantly recommend night nurses on this board when moms take babies home, but yet some will not use the free night nurses at the hospital to help the mom recover!

With my first, I kept her in the room with me the whole time after my C-section. I also fell asleep with her on my chest and she literally almost fell on the floor when she moved---I woke from a deep sleep and caught her before she went far, but it scared the bloody hell out of me. A night nurse later took her from me and put her in the crib.

Second time around, My DH will have to spend some time with my DD at home so I will not have another adult in the room with me all the time and I will have another C section. So I fully expect to take advantage of some assistance from the nursery and I don't feel an ounce of guilt or that I don't love this baby any less. Major surgery, a toddler, and a few years of experience as a Mom have taught me that my dear child will be fine for a few hours so that I can recover and care for her in the best way I can. Lord knows I won't have all that help at home once the relatives leave, I will need every hand I can get in the hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is funny that people constantly recommend night nurses on this board when moms take babies home, but yet some will not use the free night nurses at the hospital to help the mom recover!

With my first, I kept her in the room with me the whole time after my C-section. I also fell asleep with her on my chest and she literally almost fell on the floor when she moved---I woke from a deep sleep and caught her before she went far, but it scared the bloody hell out of me. A night nurse later took her from me and put her in the crib.

Second time around, My DH will have to spend some time with my DD at home so I will not have another adult in the room with me all the time and I will have another C section. So I fully expect to take advantage of some assistance from the nursery and I don't feel an ounce of guilt or that I don't love this baby any less. Major surgery, a toddler, and a few years of experience as a Mom have taught me that my dear child will be fine for a few hours so that I can recover and care for her in the best way I can. Lord knows I won't have all that help at home once the relatives leave, I will need every hand I can get in the hospital.

There was a post awhile back about a SAHM who hired a nanny and a major flame war broke out. Then I read posts about hiring help for newborns, night nurses, having family to help take care of mom (and dad) post partum...double standard, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not necessarily patting myself on the back so much as i'm questioning why others feel less attached to their babies, or aren't so excited to have the babies in their arms at last that they want to spend time bonding. That initial time period is so very important! And yes, I do want to be awake when I go back home to my first child after I deliver, and I can do so. Lack of sleep for a week or so does not kill you. My first kept us up nearly constantly for 10 days.

I do think it's a luxury that I have a husband who helped me, but something tells me OP is not a single mom without any help. I agree with a PP, she just sounded really annoyed to have to look after her own baby. Yuck.

Because everyone experience Labor & Delivery (and parenting) differently - both physically and emotionally. You sound like one of those lucky women who gets the happy hormones with delivery. I'm very happy for you (and more than a bit jealous), but is it REALLY so hard to understand that your experience of birth is not a universal?

OP here. Funny you mention it. The first time around I actually was a single mom without any help, and for many years after. Now, a decade later, I get a chance to do it again with something I had always wondered about--what it would be like to do it with a loving husband at side (that's another post . Thanks to all who mentioned the possibility of single moms, older siblings, perhaps post-partum depression? The possibility that birth is not always the grindingly cheery script you see in movies, does not mean it is without joy or positive outcomes. Still, to think there is a one size fits all way to do it might be the definition of insanity. And to be lectured by whomever you are - noble mom who takes baby to chest immediately after delivery-- on SACRIFICE of all things is killing me. Birth is a great thing. It is also a major medical procedure and what I learned the last time is if you don't follow your inner voice/instincts and let people know your needs and limits, you have only yourself to blame. What I've learned as a single mom is that it is OK sometimes to be selfish. Everything still works out when you acknowledge your own humanity as well as your offspring's. I hope, judgy MOM (I'm wondering if you are the one who used to snub me at soccer games that I had the temerity to show up at without a DC power player spouse?) that you go a little easier on yourself and kids over the years than you have on me and my search for a little nursery relief and a pleasant birth experience (as I define it) this second time around....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find posts like this very annoying. I can't imagine finally having my baby and then just focusing on how I needed to catch up on my rest. When I had my DD, I couldn't stand to have her out of my sight for a second. I had a c-section. My husband changed all diapers. That first month is so important for bonding and (if you're BFing, establishing BFing); I wouldn't want anyone else soothing my baby but me.

I know I'll get flamed for this post, but really....

I agree with you 100 percent. I didn't have a c-section but I did have a long labor and was up for over 76 hours by the time baby came. I dozed while holding him and breastfeeding him (DH watched us for safety). I carried my baby with me for 9 months. Why would I accept separation when it's most important to be together?

Oh, how cute!!! Two perfect moms in the same place! And they can't stop patting themselves on the back while looking down on all the women who are just horrible mothers...It's tough to be perfect, ladies! But at least we have these two shining examples to condemn us. I am sure they will be great fun at the soccer field in a couple of years.

Not necessarily patting myself on the back so much as i'm questioning why others feel less attached to their babies, or aren't so excited to have the babies in their arms at last that they want to spend time bonding. That initial time period is so very important! And yes, I do want to be awake when I go back home to my first child after I deliver, and I can do so. Lack of sleep for a week or so does not kill you. My first kept us up nearly constantly for 10 days.

I do think it's a luxury that I have a husband who helped me, but something tells me OP is not a single mom without any help. I agree with a PP, she just sounded really annoyed to have to look after her own baby. Yuck.

Snark much? Really, you aren't patting yourself on the back? I am just as bonded to my kid as anyone, and she -horror of horrors -spent the night in the nursery after a rough delivery!

Good for you that you are such an iron woman. But stop acting like you don't think you are above the rest of us.

OP, if you are exhausted and feel the baby spending a little time in the nursery would be beneficial to your caretaking ability, then do it. If you have the stamina to room-in 100%, that's great. Parenting is not a one-size-fits-all phenomena. Great parents make all sorts of different choices.

[Anonymous]

I am so confused as to why this post has become so nasty? What in the world is wrong with a woman going through a c-section, and then using the nursery for a few hours here and there? Isn't that why the nurserys exists? Soon after giving birth women are encouraged to seek help from DH, family, friends, why not the nursery?? If mothers out there choose not to use it, fine. But why would using it make someone a bad mother? I'm about to have twins, maybe by c-section. I might have to use it. What's the big deal??

[Anonymous]

PP,

one part victims of the intensive parenting movement want to shame others into following suit, because misery loves company.

one part pushy bitches/devils advocates/trolls

one part genuinely fulfilled devoted moms who are befuddled by the rancor and don't know when to give up a pointless fight.

shake strain and serve: no forum is complete without at least one flamewar

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, with the exception of the "befuddled" part. Their posts positively drip with imperiousness and judgement.

It rankles that I'm supposed to feel guilty for my very physical presence, that my need for a few hours uninterrupted sleep supposedly makes me selfish. Every day, I am the last person on my list of priorities. I don't make a move without thinking about my kids. But the little piece of creature comfort I ask for - a little sleep, maybe a shower - and I'm a lousy mother. It's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

"Birth is a great thing. It is also a major medical procedure and what I learned the last time is if you don't follow your inner voice/instincts and let people know your needs and limits, you have only yourself to blame. What I've learned as a single mom is that it is OK sometimes to be selfish. Everything still works out when you acknowledge your own humanity as well as your offspring's. I hope, judgy MOM (I'm wondering if you are the one who used to snub me at soccer games that I had the temerity to show up at without a DC power player spouse?) that you go a little easier on yourself and kids over the years than you have on me and my search for a little nursery relief and a pleasant birth experience (as I define it) this second time around.... "

Well, thank god, it usually doesn't *have* to be. But that is an entirely different flame-war. I stand by my sentiments. I was blessed with happy hormones but had the baby blues as well. Being a new parent is tough as hell; I'm not saying that it's not. But I just personally cannot comprehend how people don't want the baby with them. I guess it is a limitation of my imagination, to be able to get outside of what I think is important. I don't have to agree with you, do I? And what are these boards for if not to be judged by anonymous strangers? Your OP expressed annoyance that you should be expected to care for your own child from the moment it is born. Sorry, I find that ludicrous. And it's not that I defy you a break for a shower or an hour or two of sleep -- I simply think you made yourself sound like the kind of mom who wants the baby carted off the moment it's out. BTW, you are barking up the wrong tree RE single moms and DC power players, whoever that may be (my husband works part time and stays home part time, I do the same, no power players here!). And no judgment about your single-mom status; I have a number of single moms in my family and circle of friends and have nothing but respect. Had I not gotten married I would have considered being a single parent myself. I'm only judging you for your apparent inability to make small sacrifices for your newborn, not your marital status.

[Anonymous]

First winter with my newborn, I was so sleep deprived I caught every bug that went through town. I was laid low more than once, and that's unheard-of for me. Because I swallowed this claptrap that a GOOD mother is never apart from her baby. A GOOD mother never wants time to herself, to sleep, to take a long bath - hell, just to stare off into space and not think about the baby for five minutes. My life as a mother consists of endless sacrifice, most of which I make without so much as noticing.

But this "never enough!" attitude is downright dangerous. There was a piece on NPR just yesterday about women and heart disease and why women are less likely to survive heart attacks - one reason they discussed is because women wait longer to notice the symptoms and get help. That we're so conditioned to think of everyone but ourselves, to put everyone else first that it's actually bad for our health.

All this to say - there's a long road ahead of you after you leave the hospital. More than enough sleepless nights. The nurses, the nursery is there to help you. If you're so overtired you can't function you aren't doing your baby or yourself any favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Birth is a great thing. It is also a major medical procedure and what I learned the last time is if you don't follow your inner voice/instincts and let people know your needs and limits, you have only yourself to blame. What I've learned as a single mom is that it is OK sometimes to be selfish. Everything still works out when you acknowledge your own humanity as well as your offspring's. I hope, judgy MOM (I'm wondering if you are the one who used to snub me at soccer games that I had the temerity to show up at without a DC power player spouse?) that you go a little easier on yourself and kids over the years than you have on me and my search for a little nursery relief and a pleasant birth experience (as I define it) this second time around.... "

Well, thank god, it usually doesn't *have* to be. But that is an entirely different flame-war. I stand by my sentiments. I was blessed with happy hormones but had the baby blues as well. Being a new parent is tough as hell; I'm not saying that it's not. But I just personally cannot comprehend how people don't want the baby with them. I guess it is a limitation of my imagination, to be able to get outside of what I think is important. I don't have to agree with you, do I? And what are these boards for if not to be judged by anonymous strangers? Your OP expressed annoyance that you should be expected to care for your own child from the moment it is born. Sorry, I find that ludicrous. And it's not that I defy you a break for a shower or an hour or two of sleep -- I simply think you made yourself sound like the kind of mom who wants the baby carted off the moment it's out. BTW, you are barking up the wrong tree RE single moms and DC power players, whoever that may be (my husband works part time and stays home part time, I do the same, no power players here!). And no judgment about your single-mom status; I have a number of single moms in my family and circle of friends and have nothing but respect. Had I not gotten married I would have considered being a single parent myself. I'm only judging you for your apparent inability to make small sacrifices for your newborn, not your marital status.

Folks, she's dislocated her arm patting herself so hard! Step back, make way for Judgemental Martyr Mom! So, JMM, when is it okay to be apart from the baby? At what age? For how long?

And, yes, you do sound like a narrow-minded a$$hat to most of us...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Birth is a great thing. It is also a major medical procedure and what I learned the last time is if you don't follow your inner voice/instincts and let people know your needs and limits, you have only yourself to blame. What I've learned as a single mom is that it is OK sometimes to be selfish. Everything still works out when you acknowledge your own humanity as well as your offspring's. I hope, judgy MOM (I'm wondering if you are the one who used to snub me at soccer games that I had the temerity to show up at without a DC power player spouse?) that you go a little easier on yourself and kids over the years than you have on me and my search for a little nursery relief and a pleasant birth experience (as I define it) this second time around.... "

Well, thank god, it usually doesn't *have* to be. But that is an entirely different flame-war. I stand by my sentiments. I was blessed with happy hormones but had the baby blues as well. Being a new parent is tough as hell; I'm not saying that it's not. But I just personally cannot comprehend how people don't want the baby with them. I guess it is a limitation of my imagination, to be able to get outside of what I think is important. I don't have to agree with you, do I? And what are these boards for if not to be judged by anonymous strangers? Your OP expressed annoyance that you should be expected to care for your own child from the moment it is born. Sorry, I find that ludicrous. And it's not that I defy you a break for a shower or an hour or two of sleep -- I simply think you made yourself sound like the kind of mom who wants the baby carted off the moment it's out. BTW, you are barking up the wrong tree RE single moms and DC power players, whoever that may be (my husband works part time and stays home part time, I do the same, no power players here!). And no judgment about your single-mom status; I have a number of single moms in my family and circle of friends and have nothing but respect. Had I not gotten married I would have considered being a single parent myself. I'm only judging you for your apparent inability to make small sacrifices for your newborn, not your marital status.

If you were adquately bonded to your child, you wouldn't need to spend gobs of time here writing this nonsense. Don't you have a child-centric activity planned?

[Anonymous]

For those who say "why does this woman want a baby" and "how can they stand to be apart from their baby" - is this your attitude toward working moms? Or moms who have nannies or use daycare? Because if you are a working mom yourself, you should think about how hypocritical your statements are. Just because you send your baby the nursery for a few hours does not mean you do not want children or love them any less.

When I get home from the hospital, the baby is sleeping in her own room. We will have a monitor and I will get up to feed her and tend to her when she cries. Most of my friends did this as well, they did not have their babies sleep in their rooms. So how is it any different having the baby sleep in the nursery at the hospital? If anything, they have someone there watching them even more carefully and and will bring you the baby whenever the baby needs to be fed or whenever you want.

I know women who were barely able to walk after they had a baby - they couldnt even get the baby out of the hopstial bassinet without someone else handing the baby to them. I don't see why getting help is such a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Self back-patter here (apparently).

Look, I'm not saying you can't have help. I'm not saying you should swallow all of your needs and wants forever. I just think those first few hours are important. At least, they are to me. And what struck me about the OP's OP is that she seems to have reached the foregone conclusion that she will not want the baby in her room with her. Honestly, can you all accept, without mocking me, that I truly just don't understand that?

And by the way, I do work, albeit part time and from home. I'm not saying that the mother can NEVER be away from her child. I'm just saying I think those first few hours are important. I think the baby is in your womb for 9 months and then comes out and the world is an overwhelming and scary place. And baby cries, then hears your voice, smells your scent, breastfeeds, whatever, and is comforted. Yeah, I think that there is nothing more important than that, unless some rather exceptional circumstances apply that make separation unavoidable. You're making a huge leap (and putting words into my mouth) by saying that by making this argument I'm telling moms to never work, never leave their children or never take a moments break. I just don't think the first few hours after your child's Big Earth Debut is really the time to take that break. Sorry if somehow that sounds self-congratulatory.