Envious of these types of people

[Anonymous]

Sounds boring to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. To be fair, my husband and I are also not exactly slobs. We both went to good schools and attended private school growing up. He has a masters degree, I am am working on obtaining mine. We...simply were not really in the income bracket for a while to live a "nice life." We rent in a nice area in Vienna but we haven't felt the need to decorate the apartment perfectly as we'd rather use our recent high income to save for a down payment. I adore nice furniture and art work and cannot wait to decorate my home one day!

My husband is a lot more laid back. He doesn't care about material things and insists we live on bare bones. Its caused major strife in our marriage but he is loosening up as we earn a higher income so I think he may be coming around.

Neither of us were athletes so we certainly do not have perfect bodies. I am trying to work out more and would like to acquire a toned lean physique.

Basically, I wish I had that life, as I want it. Badly. I feel behind and sad and jealous as I am many steps behind.

Wow, what a surprise. The wife is a spender and the husband is a saver. Film at 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. To be fair, my husband and I are also not exactly slobs. We both went to good schools and attended private school growing up. He has a masters degree, I am am working on obtaining mine. We...simply were not really in the income bracket for a while to live a "nice life." We rent in a nice area in Vienna but we haven't felt the need to decorate the apartment perfectly as we'd rather use our recent high income to save for a down payment. I adore nice furniture and art work and cannot wait to decorate my home one day!

My husband is a lot more laid back. He doesn't care about material things and insists we live on bare bones. Its caused major strife in our marriage but he is loosening up as we earn a higher income so I think he may be coming around.

Neither of us were athletes so we certainly do not have perfect bodies. I am trying to work out more and would like to acquire a toned lean physique.

Basically, I wish I had that life, as I want it. Badly. I feel behind and sad and jealous as I am many steps behind.

What? I thought you were trying to show these people down and now it seems that you squandered the opportunities "good schooling" gave you? You seem like a striver and materialistic. Feel sorry for your DH...and ugh exercise and get your body in shape you fat slob!! No excuse, You don't have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. To be fair, my husband and I are also not exactly slobs. We both went to good schools and attended private school growing up. He has a masters degree, I am am working on obtaining mine. We...simply were not really in the income bracket for a while to live a "nice life." We rent in a nice area in Vienna but we haven't felt the need to decorate the apartment perfectly as we'd rather use our recent high income to save for a down payment. I adore nice furniture and art work and cannot wait to decorate my home one day!

My husband is a lot more laid back. He doesn't care about material things and insists we live on bare bones. Its caused major strife in our marriage but he is loosening up as we earn a higher income so I think he may be coming around.

Neither of us were athletes so we certainly do not have perfect bodies. I am trying to work out more and would like to acquire a toned lean physique.

Basically, I wish I had that life, as I want it. Badly. I feel behind and sad and jealous as I am many steps behind.

You sound kind of pathetic in your follow-up post TBH. You’re presumably young (no kids yet), were brought up in luxury with private schooling, have a high income, the world is your oyster… and you waste time feeling jealous? How incredibly sad. I hope someday you let go of it, but I have a feeling life will be tough for you. Once the kids come, you’ll scrutinize every one of your SIL’s social media posts and obsess/envy her perfect kids and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this is pretty high school and embarrassing to admit so I’m only saying so on an anonymous forum. My SIL and her husband are, what I have come to describe half-jokingly as “tier 1” people. They seem to check off all the SES markers and physical and intellectual attributes that would put them in the spot if there was a social hierarchy. For starters, they’re both beautiful physically. High school and college athletes, they are naturally blessed with good sporty genes and are very good looking. They’re fit, run races and workout intensely every day as if it’s as normal as brushing your teeth. They are also stunningly well dressed with carefully coordinated outfits and expensive clothes. They have the right brand of luxury cars you’d expect in their expensive neighborhood in just the right zip code. They have a tasteful but expensive home in a coveted neighborhood which they’ve outfitted beautifully with the help of interior designers. They of course also earn a handsome income working in finance although SIL will soon be a SAHM upon the birth of their first child.

Meanwhile, my husband is the exact opposite of his hyper perfect sister. He is laid back, jeans and T shirt guy who doesn’t know the difference between Tiffany’s and Kay Jewelers. He doesn’t work out, eats what he wants and works for himself although quite successfully. I too am very laidback, no makeup type of woman and although I try to be active, I have never been athletic and loathe working out. I really want a nice house too and love nice things but it’s hard to be picky when you’re financially strapped. I’m spending a weekend with this couple, for the first time in my life I realized, I’m not a “first tier” person. I’m painfully average.

They sound like a strong beautiful black couple

[Anonymous]

Bump, re referenced in thread of similar topic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live surrounded by many of these types of people, who have very organized and lovely lives. And it is on the surface of it, lovely. But it is also a great deal of work. It comes more effortlessly to some but it is still a lot of work. Most of them will have great careers that also involve very long hours. I am certainly not judging it because they are my neighbors and friends but they wanted a certain lifestyle and they worked for it. They put a lot of effort into their houses and their public perception. That most of them were athletes in high school and college doesn't surprise me at all because athletics teaches you discipline and hard work and endurance.

If you don't have the energy or endurance, that's fine. There's no moral judgment here. Just different kinds of people. There's too much judging and resentment these days and willful belief that somehow fortunate people have everything handed to them on a platter. The reality is that most of them worked very hard for it and made very conscious decisions.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m tired just thinking about what is required to live their kind of life, even if I had the money. Not to mention the pressure.

I like being average. I’d hate feeling like if I plumped up or wore a dorky outfit my husband would think less of me.

You're more comfortable not trying to look good. Some of us feel more comfortable well dressed and would feel very uncomfortable going out not put together. Both are fine, stop with the sour grapes.

[Anonymous]

In your husband’s defense, wouldn’t we say that Tiffany’s is the Kay Jewelers of 5th Ave?

[Anonymous]

I agree OP. I was the financial aid kid at private school in another less pretentious area. I married late not because I waited that’s just how my life worked out. I spent my 20s and 30s paying student loans and 30s on infertility treatments and my husbands PTSD. Life is good but we are so far behind our peers our age. We own a small old home and have retirement accounts, savings, and a 529 for our one child. I’ve always felt like a square peg in a round hole. Wrong body type for the sport I excelled in and was penalized for it- synchronized swimming. I’ve been on a diet or bigger my whole life. The comments about how I live in such a small house or oh you have just one? It burns, especially the younger moms with 3 kids and thin bodies. I’m trying to be grateful. I am grateful but it is about personality, life circumstances, money, and luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live surrounded by many of these types of people, who have very organized and lovely lives. And it is on the surface of it, lovely. But it is also a great deal of work. It comes more effortlessly to some but it is still a lot of work. Most of them will have great careers that also involve very long hours. I am certainly not judging it because they are my neighbors and friends but they wanted a certain lifestyle and they worked for it. They put a lot of effort into their houses and their public perception. That most of them were athletes in high school and college doesn't surprise me at all because athletics teaches you discipline and hard work and endurance.

If you don't have the energy or endurance, that's fine. There's no moral judgment here. Just different kinds of people. There's too much judging and resentment these days and willful belief that somehow fortunate people have everything handed to them on a platter. The reality is that most of them worked very hard for it and made very conscious decisions.

This.

I disagree that most of them worked for it. A lot got parental help that they will never disclose b/c they want you to think they did it on their own. Others just downright lied and cheated their way to the top. I know someone that went to a prestigious university and then went on to get a master's degree. Very few people know that this person paid someone else to do all their classwork and projects while they were in the master's program. They are now a C-level executive. Just one example but I have seen a lot more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree OP. I was the financial aid kid at private school in another less pretentious area. I married late not because I waited that’s just how my life worked out. I spent my 20s and 30s paying student loans and 30s on infertility treatments and my husbands PTSD. Life is good but we are so far behind our peers our age. We own a small old home and have retirement accounts, savings, and a 529 for our one child. I’ve always felt like a square peg in a round hole. Wrong body type for the sport I excelled in and was penalized for it- synchronized swimming. I’ve been on a diet or bigger my whole life. The comments about how I live in such a small house or oh you have just one? It burns, especially the younger moms with 3 kids and thin bodies. I’m trying to be grateful. I am grateful but it is about personality, life circumstances, money, and luck.

To this poster and the OP, in all seriousness, have you considered relocating? This area has a lot of wealthy and successful people and it sounds like you will always be comparing yourself to them. Why not move to someplace like Scranton, Huntsville, or Rochester where you will be able to be relatively more accomplished and you will enjoy comparing yourselves to people who are less achievement oriented.

Honestly, I can’t really relate to people like OP. I really enjoy being average and blending in with a basic but comfortable life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live surrounded by many of these types of people, who have very organized and lovely lives. And it is on the surface of it, lovely. But it is also a great deal of work. It comes more effortlessly to some but it is still a lot of work. Most of them will have great careers that also involve very long hours. I am certainly not judging it because they are my neighbors and friends but they wanted a certain lifestyle and they worked for it. They put a lot of effort into their houses and their public perception. That most of them were athletes in high school and college doesn't surprise me at all because athletics teaches you discipline and hard work and endurance.

If you don't have the energy or endurance, that's fine. There's no moral judgment here. Just different kinds of people. There's too much judging and resentment these days and willful belief that somehow fortunate people have everything handed to them on a platter. The reality is that most of them worked very hard for it and made very conscious decisions.

This.

I disagree that most of them worked for it. A lot got parental help that they will never disclose b/c they want you to think they did it on their own. Others just downright lied and cheated their way to the top. I know someone that went to a prestigious university and then went on to get a master's degree. Very few people know that this person paid someone else to do all their classwork and projects while they were in the master's program. They are now a C-level executive. Just one example but I have seen a lot more.

I’m all for dispelling the myth of meritocracy, but surely you can appreciate that while some people were born into good fortune and others stole it, still others put in the hard work to get there.

[Anonymous]

People should just do what they want. Don’t strive to be someone else — just be yourself. Seriously.

We have friends who are like that, and friends who totally aren’t. All of them have great things about them!

I’m someone who sometimes likes to wear makeup and sometimes doesn’t. My typical outfit (which I’m wearing now) is a pair of jeans, a hoodie, and a band T-shirt (right now it’s Foo Fighters, yesterday it was AC/DC). I had an ex tell me that the way I dress isn’t “feminine” enough. I told him to pound sand!

[Anonymous]

OP stop surrounding yourself with fake people. I have some very wealthy people in my family. Acres in CA near wine country, and they usually wear jeans and appear low key. Too much designer stuff is considered tacky among highly educated wealthy people.

Stop comparing yourself to others, or caring what they think. You don't know what is going on behind closed doors.

Put all that effort into your marriage and family. If anything it sounds like your DH has a more stable foundation.