Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thank to everyone again for the support. I agree with the PP's who talked about recovery and what it looks like, and the importance of having an open dialogue about the genetics for alcoholism with our child. Part of what I am struggling with is the deception that has taken place. He has admitted that he has struggled with alcohol abuse for some time (before we met) yet he has managed to keep it pretty well concealed until now. Looking back there are many things I didn't put together, that I now know are related to alcoholism: He had intermittent problems with ED, he had increasing trouble managing responsibilities like remembering to pay certain bills, he gained quite a bit of weight, he would have excuses why he couldn't come to bed with me at night (needs to work, wants to watch TV etc) and I would find him on the couch in the morning. He has also had a somewhat erratic employment history, although his explanations for switching jobs or being let go always seemed to make sense at the time. But piecing this all together bit by bit has been really unsettling. I'm just glad that I now know what I know and can take steps to protect myself and our child.

Yup. OP, my now exH was passed out drunk while I was in labor with #2 at home, and I had to wake him up to take me to the hospital. I didnt realize it until many years later, because at the time he had sworn he wasn’t drinking. It was after he went to rehab a few years later and was being a little more honest, one night before DC’s birthday I was thinking back to that night and was like, wait a minute, holy shit, you were passed out, weren’t you? because otherwise who lets their spouse labor alone? What you’ve described about all the pieces falling into place and realizing the extent of deception happened to me much later. I tried couples counseling with him but he never really understood how much that messed me up - it was sort of like, ‘i am not drinking anymore, can we go back to the way it used to be?’, and ultimately we divorced. It is early to know for sure, yours may come around and genuinely try to make amends, but if he doesn’t acknowledge how hard it is to get past the blatant deceptions, leave him, and how much work he will have to do to get you to trust him again, leave him. It was really hard, but i am so much happier not always wondering if I’m being somebody’s fool. Good luck!

OP here: Thank you PP. I'm sorry that you had to go through a similar experience, but so happy to hear that you are much better off now. The addiction specialist told me that it would likely be about 18 months - 2 years before I could really sigh a sigh of relief and start to begin trust again. But that's assuming there were no relapses and more importantly that he actually was invested in the treatment process- which at this point he is not. But I appreciate the empathy and knowing that greener pastures may come one day for me and my baby.