Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room

[Anonymous]

I recently gave birth to our first child. I had a very short labor (~6 hours) and DH passed out drunk in the delivery room. My mom was with us and drove us to the hospital, but as my labor started in the middle of the night, I did not know that after I went to be my DH got drunk. We woke DH up for the actual delivery, but I am still so disappointed, angry and upset. Not only for the experience of being only with my mom in labor, but because I now know that the many nights he does not come to bed with me is because he is staying awake and drinking by himself (he has admitted this and that he has a drinking problem). He doesn't think he needs treatment and says he can "control it." But his father was an alcoholic, as was his grandfather, and I am very concerned.

[Anonymous]

Did you know this prepregnancy?

[Anonymous]

Yes he’s and alcoholic. Yes that is genetic.

Where do you live and what kind of AA or clinics can you afford?

[Anonymous]

Therapy for you if he won’t go.

Many will say divorce - and that’s an option - but the courts will give him partial custody so that’s a whole another kind of problem.

[Anonymous]

Well this is a terrible situation that you are now tethered to forever via the child.

Is his liver close to giving out? Ramp up the life insurance and hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

I would make sure he knows that if he doesn’t get treatment, there is no leeway for problem drinking going forward. If he’s not fit to get up with the baby during the night because he’s drunk, that’s it and you leave. Which isn’t to say you have to commit to getting divorced right then; if you leaving is the wake-up call he needs to get treatment and commit to stopping drinking, great.

Also, unfortunately you can’t leave the baby with him alone at a time when he might drink since he clearly doesn’t have control over his consumption. If he’s not a morning drinker and you can get a break then, do it. But you can’t go out with friends in the evening and leave the baby with him since you know he drinks to excess at night when you’re not around.

[Anonymous]

That’s just horrible. I’m so sorry, OP. Thank God your mom could be there for you.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this during the transition to parenthood. You have a lot to deal with right now and it must be tremendously stressful and overwhelming. You can’t care for a newborn and deal with a drunk by yourself. I don’t know whether the right solution for your family is an intervention or an ultimatum or a separation, but this situation is untenable. Passing out drunk in a public place during the birth of your first child is an extreme example of not having your drinking under control. This isn’t someone you can even trust to be left alone with your baby.

I know you feel like you have no control over his drinking, but you’re a parent now. You need to set boundaries with respect to the things you can control. Please seek out AlAnon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make sure he knows that if he doesn’t get treatment, there is no leeway for problem drinking going forward. If he’s not fit to get up with the baby during the night because he’s drunk, that’s it and you leave. Which isn’t to say you have to commit to getting divorced right then; if you leaving is the wake-up call he needs to get treatment and commit to stopping drinking, great.

Also, unfortunately you can’t leave the baby with him alone at a time when he might drink since he clearly doesn’t have control over his consumption. If he’s not a morning drinker and you can get a break then, do it. But you can’t go out with friends in the evening and leave the baby with him since you know he drinks to excess at night when you’re not around.

He’s very new to fatherhood. It’s a big adjustment and comes with pressure to perform. OP can’t assume his drinking habits will remain unchanged.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry that his addiction has intruded on the joyous birth of your child. Thanks goodness though, the baby is healthy.

I think you should tell your husband calmly that you need no further evidence that he is an alcoholic. If you can get to an Al Anon meeting, it might help you (perhaps online?) Ask him to see treatment. Tell him that you do not want your child to grow up with addiction, the way he did. If he won't I might separate to show him that you are serious.

On the bright side, since you became aware of this before your child really is developing memories, maybe you can save him/her for the dangers and damage that come from growing up with a parent is is abusing an addictive substance. Best of luck to all of you.

[Anonymous]

Don’t have any more kids with this guy.

[Anonymous]

I would not be bringing a baby home to that kind of environment. The middle of the night is about to become your new daytime so unless you want to see your husband drunk daily, find a more peaceful environment.

[Anonymous]

I would contact al anon now if not for him then for you. And he needs treatment. You cannot leave the baby with him alone. Day or night which is reqlly really hard. Thats his wale up call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make sure he knows that if he doesn’t get treatment, there is no leeway for problem drinking going forward. If he’s not fit to get up with the baby during the night because he’s drunk, that’s it and you leave. Which isn’t to say you have to commit to getting divorced right then; if you leaving is the wake-up call he needs to get treatment and commit to stopping drinking, great.

Also, unfortunately you can’t leave the baby with him alone at a time when he might drink since he clearly doesn’t have control over his consumption. If he’s not a morning drinker and you can get a break then, do it. But you can’t go out with friends in the evening and leave the baby with him since you know he drinks to excess at night when you’re not around.

He’s very new to fatherhood. It’s a big adjustment and comes with pressure to perform. OP can’t assume his drinking habits will remain unchanged.

No a morning drinker may be the lowest bar I’ve ever heard of

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make sure he knows that if he doesn’t get treatment, there is no leeway for problem drinking going forward. If he’s not fit to get up with the baby during the night because he’s drunk, that’s it and you leave. Which isn’t to say you have to commit to getting divorced right then; if you leaving is the wake-up call he needs to get treatment and commit to stopping drinking, great.

Also, unfortunately you can’t leave the baby with him alone at a time when he might drink since he clearly doesn’t have control over his consumption. If he’s not a morning drinker and you can get a break then, do it. But you can’t go out with friends in the evening and leave the baby with him since you know he drinks to excess at night when you’re not around.

He’s very new to fatherhood. It’s a big adjustment and comes with pressure to perform. OP can’t assume his drinking habits will remain unchanged.

No a morning drinker may be the lowest bar I’ve ever heard of

I’m the pp who wrote the bolder. I agree that it’s an incredibly low bar. As the child of an alcoholic, I personally think OP should leave now. But u also recognize the realities of the situation, that OP may not be emotionally ready to leave (especially not with a newborn). If that’s the case, I think OP needs to do a realistic assessment of what is and is not safe for her baby instead of burying her head in the sand and pretending she can safely go to dinner with her friends, or throwing up her hands that she can’t ever keep the baby fully safe so why bother trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes he’s an alcoholic. Yes that is genetic.

Where do you live and what kind of AA or clinics can you afford?

If you want helpful ideas pls respond to the above.