Your Holiday Table

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Please do not serve people. It’s rude and wasteful.

I agree 100%. Not everyone likes everything; people have diets they want to follow; people have restrictions and even allergies that they don't wish to discuss or defend. Never never ever ever put a plate of food in front of a grown adult unless they specifically ask you to or agree to that when you offer.

This is so interesting to me. I am a chef and plating the meal a certain way is part of the experience. In our home, our Thanksgiving guests are our families and we are well aware of any food allergies. Since I’m asked to host every year, I guess nobody thinks I am rude (shrug). You, on the other hand, both sound like very rude dinner party guests.

Hello, duh, restaurants are different than someone’s home. A chef is not insulted if you don’t eat Aunt Edna’s creamed spinach. When you order, you can request a substitution or talk through allergies. You can give a sever or chef literally an order, as you are the paying customer. It’s different for a GUEST.

A "guest" should graciously accept what he or she is given. Did you grow up under a rock?

We are talking about THANKSGIVING. Not a formal dinner party with a soup course, a main dish, and two sides.

If you think for one second I’m going to eat green bean “casserole” because you glopped it on my plate, think again. I eat turkey and the sides of my choosing. And no, Gladys, I will not be choking down creamed onions to please you.

If you think there’s no difference between a formal dinner party meal and a full holiday feast, you’re a moron, and clearly no “chef.”

Chef here. There are a few different people agreeing with me. I didn’t make all these posts. And many people have a formal meal at Thanksgiving. And many others don’t. There’s no wrong way. My point is only that my way - plating food- isn’t rude.

Yes, it is, when it comes to a multi-side—multi-main, even—holiday feast. Yes, it is. I’m a grown adult and I get to decide what I eat, and how much. Even if everything looks appetizing, I’m not going to eat every single thing at a large holiday feast. I’m simply not built that way—I can’t “stuff.” I want room to eat what I want to eat. I may have—not an allergy per se—but a sensitive tummy when it comes to this or that, and I don’t want to discuss that with you.

Plating food at a holiday feast for other adults is rude. ***Asking*** them if they would like you to plate for them is fine. ***Offering*** to do so is fine. Just doing that is not fine, and it is rude.

I am not the Chef, just a different poster reading your back-and-forth.

I have a question for you: Have you never gone to a dinner party at someone's house before?

I'm not talking about a backyard barbecue. I'm talking about a nice dinner party where you're all seating at the dining room table and dinner is served by either staff or the host. Normally for a nice dinner party the food is plated in the kitchen and served to you. In fact hosting a nice dinner but serving it buffet style is ... lets just say ... uncouth.

I also think you are mistaking something. For a traditional Thanksgiving the buffet is used because there is a wider variety of foods that are prepared. Obviously the Chef is not doing that. S/he has prepared four or five items that are being served. It is not like you are going to have options if you prefer sweet potatoes over mashed yet the Chef only prepared rice LOL.

It really sounds like you don't have much experience eating at other peoples' homes or for more formal events. You might try to dial back your Burger King (we'll make it your way) tastes and experience a little more fine dining.

Again, not the Chef. Just an innocent bystander reading your posts and wondering what your problem is that you wouldn't graciously accept what you are given.

Yes, many times. Including small dinner parties where the dinner was plated.

But a Thanksgiving or holiday feast with multiple, multiple sides is entirely different. It’s so beyond rude for a host to try to control a guest’s holiday meal of multiple dishes—more dishes than any other meal of the year.

And if you’re serving some boring-ass Thanksgiving dinner with only turkey and two sides, warn your guests so they aren’t disappointed in the moment.

[Anonymous]

We do up the table fancy and have a buffet. There are too many different food preferences to plate. We make sure there is something for everyone to have a nice plate.

I have my own china and silver and inherited china and silver - so when we have more than 8, it is a mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not serve people. It’s rude and wasteful.

I agree 100%. Not everyone likes everything; people have diets they want to follow; people have restrictions and even allergies that they don't wish to discuss or defend. Never never ever ever put a plate of food in front of a grown adult unless they specifically ask you to or agree to that when you offer.

This is so interesting to me. I am a chef and plating the meal a certain way is part of the experience. In our home, our Thanksgiving guests are our families and we are well aware of any food allergies. Since I’m asked to host every year, I guess nobody thinks I am rude (shrug). You, on the other hand, both sound like very rude dinner party guests.

Hello, duh, restaurants are different than someone’s home. A chef is not insulted if you don’t eat Aunt Edna’s creamed spinach. When you order, you can request a substitution or talk through allergies. You can give a sever or chef literally an order, as you are the paying customer. It’s different for a GUEST.

A "guest" should graciously accept what he or she is given. Did you grow up under a rock?

We are talking about THANKSGIVING. Not a formal dinner party with a soup course, a main dish, and two sides.

If you think for one second I’m going to eat green bean “casserole” because you glopped it on my plate, think again. I eat turkey and the sides of my choosing. And no, Gladys, I will not be choking down creamed onions to please you.

If you think there’s no difference between a formal dinner party meal and a full holiday feast, you’re a moron, and clearly no “chef.”

Chef here. There are a few different people agreeing with me. I didn’t make all these posts. And many people have a formal meal at Thanksgiving. And many others don’t. There’s no wrong way. My point is only that my way - plating food- isn’t rude.

Yes, it is, when it comes to a multi-side—multi-main, even—holiday feast. Yes, it is. I’m a grown adult and I get to decide what I eat, and how much. Even if everything looks appetizing, I’m not going to eat every single thing at a large holiday feast. I’m simply not built that way—I can’t “stuff.” I want room to eat what I want to eat. I may have—not an allergy per se—but a sensitive tummy when it comes to this or that, and I don’t want to discuss that with you.

Plating food at a holiday feast for other adults is rude. ***Asking*** them if they would like you to plate for them is fine. ***Offering*** to do so is fine. Just doing that is not fine, and it is rude.

I am not the Chef, just a different poster reading your back-and-forth.

I have a question for you: Have you never gone to a dinner party at someone's house before?

I'm not talking about a backyard barbecue. I'm talking about a nice dinner party where you're all seating at the dining room table and dinner is served by either staff or the host. Normally for a nice dinner party the food is plated in the kitchen and served to you. In fact hosting a nice dinner but serving it buffet style is ... lets just say ... uncouth.

I also think you are mistaking something. For a traditional Thanksgiving the buffet is used because there is a wider variety of foods that are prepared. Obviously the Chef is not doing that. S/he has prepared four or five items that are being served. It is not like you are going to have options if you prefer sweet potatoes over mashed yet the Chef only prepared rice LOL.

It really sounds like you don't have much experience eating at other peoples' homes or for more formal events. You might try to dial back your Burger King (we'll make it your way) tastes and experience a little more fine dining.

Again, not the Chef. Just an innocent bystander reading your posts and wondering what your problem is that you wouldn't graciously accept what you are given.

Yes, many times. Including small dinner parties where the dinner was plated.

But a Thanksgiving or holiday feast with multiple, multiple sides is entirely different. It’s so beyond rude for a host to try to control a guest’s holiday meal of multiple dishes—more dishes than any other meal of the year.

And if you’re serving some boring-ass Thanksgiving dinner with only turkey and two sides, warn your guests so they aren’t disappointed in the moment.

Look up the word rude. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

[Anonymous]

We do what I think of as “modern fancy,” which is set nicely (china, linens, a centerpiece or decor of some sort), but not fussy—not a bunch of table runners AND chargers AND place cards, AND multiple layers of decorating. That all seems really old-fashioned and too much. A nice table, not an overwrought one.

We also serve buffet-style from the kitchen island, from the kitchen table (while we eat in the dining room), or a sideboard. Like another poster mentioned, cramming it all onto the table and passing everything around and having to lift and hold heavy dishes just leads to cold food.

[Anonymous]

I would not plate at Thanksgiving. There are too many food preferences, health concerns and allergies to accommodate. I want everyone to have things they love. We have two types of cranberry sauce- some want the sliced right out to the can and others want the homemade. Two types of gravy- some want/require low salt bottled gravy and others want the homemade- some don't want gravy at all. Sides for specific people- at least one with a vegetarian protein. We have carnivores, omnivores and vegetarians. Some don't like turkey- so we have some ham. Some like plain corn bread, others want spoon bread with the niblets in it. Some want a spoonful of it all, others want specific things.

A buffet works well.

[Anonymous]

I have 20 to 25 for Thanksgiving and the only way I can manage all of those people is to have a buffet. I also don't have china and silverware and use some old flatware my mother gave me (all mixed from the past 40 years). I have a small dining room with a narrow table so there is no room for centerpieces. I have to set up a separate table in the kitchen to seat everyone.

I cook for 4 days and always get raves on the food. Some stay over for 2 nights and we eat leftovers for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We have a great time even though I am "uncouth". Hospitality is not about how you set the table and serve, it's being welcoming. Not everyone has a huge house with a large dining room, get out of your bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Would you think the guest was rude if they only ate half the plate? Didn’t care for your green bean casserole and lumpy potatoes?

DP. No, I wouldn't. I would expect they ate a bite of it and decided that it wasn't to their taste.

That's just it, I don't want to try a bite of everything.

Buffet style all the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread took quite an entertaining turn. #teamnoplate

For real. I don't want green bean casserole even touching anything else I may eat! Thanksgiving is full of a lot of soft mushy foods that can run together. Not the time to plate for someone unless they ask you to and say what they would like. Otherwise you risk spoiling their whole meal

[Anonymous]

I’ve only been served plated food at restaurants and weddings. Obviously I’m not fancy!

[Anonymous]

I love cooking, and enjoy possibly even more trying to get the presentation just right a la a fine restaurant.

But Thanksgiving, with its multifarious choices and traditions, does not seem a good candidate for refined presentation. Sometimes we put things on the table, sometimes on a buffet, and sometimes I do plate at least part of the food up directly from the stove. Nobody complains. But I don’t ordinarily have surprise guests or people with special needs I’m not aware of.

If I’m a guest and somebody wants to plate up my food I certainly wouldn’t get insulted; depending on the relationship I might try to kibbutz to get more stuffing and less sweet potatoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 20 to 25 for Thanksgiving and the only way I can manage all of those people is to have a buffet. I also don't have china and silverware and use some old flatware my mother gave me (all mixed from the past 40 years). I have a small dining room with a narrow table so there is no room for centerpieces. I have to set up a separate table in the kitchen to seat everyone.

I cook for 4 days and always get raves on the food. Some stay over for 2 nights and we eat leftovers for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We have a great time even though I am "uncouth". Hospitality is not about how you set the table and serve, it's being welcoming. Not everyone has a huge house with a large dining room, get out of your bubble.

You sound so "hospitable" when you tell someone to "get out of their bubble" because they asked a question designed to inform their own personal life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Would you think the guest was rude if they only ate half the plate? Didn’t care for your green bean casserole and lumpy potatoes?

DP. No, I wouldn't. I would expect they ate a bite of it and decided that it wasn't to their taste.

That's just it, I don't want to try a bite of everything.

Buffet style all the way.

+1. It's different when it's a small dinner party with just a few dishes. But I don't need to "try" sweet potatoes to know that I don't like them, and I don't want them taking up valuable real estate on my plate or in my stomach.

[Anonymous]

I am shocked at the number of people who don’t understand that a plated sit-down dinner doesn’t necessarily include green bean casserole. Or multi-main courses. Or 30 side dishes. I suppose it could, but there are a lot of assumptions about other people’s holiday traditions and why they are “rude” or wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked at the number of people who don’t understand that a plated sit-down dinner doesn’t necessarily include green bean casserole. Or multi-main courses. Or 30 side dishes. I suppose it could, but there are a lot of assumptions about other people’s holiday traditions and why they are “rude” or wrong.

DP...I don't want to be part of a Thanksgiving dinner that doesn't include tons of side dishes. No thanks, I go to plenty of upscale meals and catered affairs throughout the year. Twice a year, I want a meal to be purely homey and nostalgic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked at the number of people who don’t understand that a plated sit-down dinner doesn’t necessarily include green bean casserole. Or multi-main courses. Or 30 side dishes. I suppose it could, but there are a lot of assumptions about other people’s holiday traditions and why they are “rude” or wrong.

DP...I don't want to be part of a Thanksgiving dinner that doesn't include tons of side dishes. No thanks, I go to plenty of upscale meals and catered affairs throughout the year. Twice a year, I want a meal to be purely homey and nostalgic.

Great. Nobody is making you. It doesn’t mean families who do it differently are wrong. And I hope you’re the one doing the cooking with an attitude like that.