Friend just announced her junior DD has committed to play lax at a top school

[Anonymous]

Parents have such a hard time understanding it takes an exceptional person to play sports at an elite level AND have solid academics. Most people can get straight As if that's all they have going on in their lives. Having the strength of character that sports builds and being a good student is valuable. I'm sorry sports weren't your child's thing. It's okay, I promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College is supposed to be an academic pursuit. The role that sports plays is ridiculous.

+1

+2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents have such a hard time understanding it takes an exceptional person to play sports at an elite level AND have solid academics. Most people can get straight As if that's all they have going on in their lives. Having the strength of character that sports builds and being a good student is valuable. I'm sorry sports weren't your child's thing. It's okay, I promise.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playing a sport at a level high enough to commit while maintaining grades, etc. deserves to be rewarded just as much as the kid who fiends 20 hours a week in the lab or practicing an instrument.

I think some of people's frustration with the process is that athletes are rewarded more than scientists and musicians. (Know any juniors who are biochemists or pianists who have been recruited?)

Life isn't fair. The sooner people realize this the happier they will be. Congrats to the kid who got in early.

It isn't. But we don't have to settle for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College is supposed to be an academic pursuit. The role that sports plays is ridiculous.

+1

+2.

Who told you this? College is where you grow into adulthood. Where you learn perseverance, character, organization, figure out your own values, AND get training for an occupation. If college were solely an academic pursuit, nobody would live on campus. There wouldn't be clubs and frats and so forth. What a load of nonsense. I can't believe so many people are so insecure about their child's or their own lack of athletic success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recruiting for girls lacrosse, like pretty much every sport other than football, basketball requires a mountain of stress and effort on the part of kids and parents. Way more than filling out forms and writing essays.

My kid’s experience would be pretty typical. She played soccer in college for 4 years. Starting as a freshman in high school you begin looking generally at types of schools - big, medium, small, urban, rural, and areas of the country. You need to do some college tours - open to prospective students - so your kid can begin to get a feeling as to what different types of schools can present. They need to generally start thinking about where their interests lie for a major. The kids are freshmen in high school and they are looking at colleges and thinking about potential areas of a major. They don’t want to do it, but decision timing requires them to start the process.

Sophomore year you continue learning about schools and your own academic interests. Grade pressure is intense as you need to keep options open. Schools can be helpful in finding non-athletic money but you have to meet the baseline requirements. Sport wise you need to be doing showcase events to get in front of college coaches from schools you are interested attending. You are emailing and texting coaches about where you are playing. You also need to be going to some college games for schools that you are interested in attending. This shows real interest.

Summer before Junior year and Junior year - intense time. My kid did 12 college on campus visits. Set those up. Work on how you talk to coaches you have never met. What are good questions to ask? What are good answers to common questions? What small talk do you have - you will be with coaches for 4-5 hours, and often then with a few older players who you also need to impress. These can be overnight visits. My kid over did the visits, but they were interesting and ultimately helpful. After 4 or 5 she got pretty good at the process.

It is a very stressful process for kids and parents. You need to find a program where your kid fits in competitively, at a school where your kid can do well academically while also playing a sport. That is a difficult combination to find. Way more than 50 percent of kids coming in as athletes will drop off the teams before their Junior year.

Then - offer time and negotiation and working with financial aid and admission folks. You hopefully have more than 1 offer but there is lots of pressure to accept quickly (though offers have to stay open). Coaches want to move on if you are not coming and that will again free up the athletic money that was part of the offer.

So - chances are very good that the kid and the family have been stressing out like crazy for the last 12-24 months.

As others have said, though, it was their choice to take that path. So that is the stress they chose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playing a sport at a level high enough to commit while maintaining grades, etc. deserves to be rewarded just as much as the kid who fiends 20 hours a week in the lab or practicing an instrument.

I think some of people's frustration with the process is that athletes are rewarded more than scientists and musicians. (Know any juniors who are biochemists or pianists who have been recruited?)

Life isn't fair. The sooner people realize this the happier they will be. Congrats to the kid who got in early.

It isn't. But we don't have to settle for it.

Yeah, let's not settle for it by knocking down a talented child who is doing something good for herself, her development, her community and her body!

[Anonymous]

Maybe if parents weren't so messed up about kids sports, 70% of Americans wouldn't be overweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recruiting for girls lacrosse, like pretty much every sport other than football, basketball requires a mountain of stress and effort on the part of kids and parents. Way more than filling out forms and writing essays.

My kid’s experience would be pretty typical. She played soccer in college for 4 years. Starting as a freshman in high school you begin looking generally at types of schools - big, medium, small, urban, rural, and areas of the country. You need to do some college tours - open to prospective students - so your kid can begin to get a feeling as to what different types of schools can present. They need to generally start thinking about where their interests lie for a major. The kids are freshmen in high school and they are looking at colleges and thinking about potential areas of a major. They don’t want to do it, but decision timing requires them to start the process.

Sophomore year you continue learning about schools and your own academic interests. Grade pressure is intense as you need to keep options open. Schools can be helpful in finding non-athletic money but you have to meet the baseline requirements. Sport wise you need to be doing showcase events to get in front of college coaches from schools you are interested attending. You are emailing and texting coaches about where you are playing. You also need to be going to some college games for schools that you are interested in attending. This shows real interest.

Summer before Junior year and Junior year - intense time. My kid did 12 college on campus visits. Set those up. Work on how you talk to coaches you have never met. What are good questions to ask? What are good answers to common questions? What small talk do you have - you will be with coaches for 4-5 hours, and often then with a few older players who you also need to impress. These can be overnight visits. My kid over did the visits, but they were interesting and ultimately helpful. After 4 or 5 she got pretty good at the process.

It is a very stressful process for kids and parents. You need to find a program where your kid fits in competitively, at a school where your kid can do well academically while also playing a sport. That is a difficult combination to find. Way more than 50 percent of kids coming in as athletes will drop off the teams before their Junior year.

Then - offer time and negotiation and working with financial aid and admission folks. You hopefully have more than 1 offer but there is lots of pressure to accept quickly (though offers have to stay open). Coaches want to move on if you are not coming and that will again free up the athletic money that was part of the offer.

So - chances are very good that the kid and the family have been stressing out like crazy for the last 12-24 months.

As others have said, though, it was their choice to take that path. So that is the stress they chose.

And so then you choose stress at application time Junior/Senior year with no "hook". Good for you.

But I played college ball and I think the stress from freshman year thing is a joke. Only toxic parents live this way. I played elite club ball and was recruited at tournaments when it finally dawned on me "oh, I guess I could play in college if I wanted to since I'm being contacted." No stress, just fun. And I am tougher than any of you suckers precisely because I played in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playing a sport at a level high enough to commit while maintaining grades, etc. deserves to be rewarded just as much as the kid who fiends 20 hours a week in the lab or practicing an instrument.

I think some of people's frustration with the process is that athletes are rewarded more than scientists and musicians. (Know any juniors who are biochemists or pianists who have been recruited?)

Life isn't fair. The sooner people realize this the happier they will be. Congrats to the kid who got in early.

It isn't. But we don't have to settle for it.

Unless you're an admissions director you do have to settle for it (actually, probably university president because an admissions director would be fired for not letting in athletes)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. First, I’m happy for them. The girl is very nice and her mom is an old friend.
Second, I don’t think it’s a scholarship, they definitely don’t need the money. I’m just annoyed that her DD is a year behind mine and won’t have to go through most of the college crap and stress mine is currently going through. We are deep in it right now. My DD doesn’t play sports but has other talents, none which get her recruited by colleges.
Third, she has worked hard as an athlete but she wouldn’t be in a position to be recruited if her parents didn’t have the time and money to pay for all teams and tournaments. Let’s face it, for many (I realize there are big exceptions) recruited athletes for sports like lax come from affluent families so the whole system leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I know this is nothing new. I went to HS with many children of billionaires, most of whom ended up at ivies despite not having the grades. Life is not fair, college admissions is not fair.
I was just venting because, again, I have a very stressed out out senior.

What a pathetic post. You're "happy for them?" The "mom is an old friend?" You sure don't act like it.

And you and your daughter really need to toughen up. We had four kids apply to college and, yea, it wasn't fun but it was far from the stressful hell that you describe. Count yourself lucky if applying to college is one of the more stressful things you encounter in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I know this is nothing new. I went to HS with many children of billionaires, most of whom ended up at ivies despite not having the grades. Life is not fair, college admissions is not fair.

Well in 1990 there were 66 billionaires in the entire US, so I am calling bs on this: https://americansfortaxfairness.org/billionaires/

Stay away from hyperbole and you'll be easier to believe.

Yes, and four of them had kids at my school.

OP, you're so tone deaf it's absurd. You went to high school with kids of *multiple* billionaires, so you've obviously come from a privileged background. Your family is likely UMC at a minimum, and probably affluent. I'm sure your daughter has had multiple enrichment courses, classes, etc, all to help with college admissions. And you're whining about the unfairness of it all? Gimme a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College is supposed to be an academic pursuit. The role that sports plays is ridiculous.

+1

+2.

+3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College is supposed to be an academic pursuit. The role that sports plays is ridiculous.

+1

+2.

+3

So funny to see this. My kids were so over the top non-athletic it was ridiculous. They could barely tie their shoes ha ha. But that didn't cause any jealousy in our family towards athletic families. The kids just did their own thing, enjoyed school and friends, got good grades, applied to colleges without freaking out, got into good ones, and away they went.

I guarantee you all you +1s, +2s and +3s are nerds with nerdy kids too. Time to get rid of your chips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I know this is nothing new. I went to HS with many children of billionaires, most of whom ended up at ivies despite not having the grades. Life is not fair, college admissions is not fair.

Well in 1990 there were 66 billionaires in the entire US, so I am calling bs on this: https://americansfortaxfairness.org/billionaires/

Stay away from hyperbole and you'll be easier to believe.

Yes, and four of them had kids at my school.

OP, you're so tone deaf it's absurd. You went to high school with kids of *multiple* billionaires, so you've obviously come from a privileged background. Your family is likely UMC at a minimum, and probably affluent. I'm sure your daughter has had multiple enrichment courses, classes, etc, all to help with college admissions. And you're whining about the unfairness of it all? Gimme a break.

100%. OP is of the affluent class and is bemoaning why her already privileged child doesn't get more privileges. There is very little to feel sorry for here - particularly when she's touting her connection to billionaires, ivies, and the like. OP is classic toxic DCUM.

Sorry sports aren't your thing. Other kids are good at them and they get rewarded. Why? Because the public pays to watch them thereby creating value. Is it unfair? Maybe but so is being born with a silver spoon in your mouth. Guess you can't win them all.