tween’s friends from carpool texting me.. tell parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.. thank you all so much. Yesterday I kept up until about page 2, and then got distracted all evening with work and life. Hugs to the annoyed PP, love to the PP whose father died, and so much thanks to the PP with the advice to be an ear for these kids. They really are just silly and innocent and chatty. Maybe they are making fun of me! Lol. I’m sure I’ll miss it when they all go away to college. I’m not annoyed by their texts; it’s all just a new way of communicating for this 👵🏻 and I want to be sure I’m not doing anything wrong. Thanks again for all the perspective!

You're overthinking this OP. If the parents trust you to DRIVE their kids you are not doing anything wrong by exchanging texts. For goodness sake you could drive off with all the kids if you wanted. I agree with the village PP, our society has lost the ability to have social cohesion and connection with others outside of the family unit. I get that the texts are annoying, but I don't feel like it's a big deal. It is good for young people to have a constellation of adults that care.

If I trusted you to drive my kid in a carpool, I'd be fine with my kid communicating with you directly. Plus there must be something about you that the kids feel comfortable "chatting" with you. So take it as a compliment. I'd inform the parents if the texts take a wrong turn somehow.

This!! The constellation of adults. You said it better than I did, PP!

[Anonymous]

Is this where we are as a people. Because some priests and Boy Scout leaders (grown men who wear those shorts should have been suspect all along) abused children we cut our kids off from any kind of village or support? Sorry kids there's no one for you to reach out to. Nevermind that like 5% of child sexual abusers are women. Do you let your child use the internet? Do you read everything they post and send until they are 18? The way to protect your child isn't by going all North Korea and cutting them off from the world. Your job is to teach them how to navigate the world and the various pitfalls safely. So you talk to them about sexual abuse, you talk to them about grooming. You empower them to speak up and tell someone when something doesn't feel right. If you rob them of trusted adults, then to whom will they turn? They might not feel comfortable telling their mom that something weird sexually happened. They may not want to upset you or worry you. Your job is to give them tools not build a wall around them. This is honestly one of the saddest posts I've ever read here.

[Anonymous]

I would text the kids parents and ask them how to proceed. (big group chat or family chats with you kid and parent) I talk to my kids friends in real life even when my son isn't around cause they are sweet kids, but the other parents know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, create a carpool text group. Include all kids and parents. Only communicate with the kids on this thread, as a group, including all parents. Block the kids on any other text threads.

OP again, thank you for this! This is brilliant!

Yes, absolutely this. If any parents are annoyed by it, they can leave the chat. Not your fault.

I get why the group chat makes sense in this situation, but the bolded part is not true unless all users have iPhones. If even one member of the group doesn’t, no one can leave. I HATE group chats outside of very close friends/family for this reason.

[Anonymous]

I think all of this is overreaction. Op, you can simply withhold responses (difficult at first but easy with time) or just always respond with the same emoji. The kids sound like they are part of a social culture and least likely to be targets as predators go for the ones who keep to themselves and appear less confident.

[Anonymous]

"Hi, Bobby, sorry, I don't have time to respond to texts that are non-carpool related. See you next week!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this where we are as a people. Because some priests and Boy Scout leaders (grown men who wear those shorts should have been suspect all along) abused children we cut our kids off from any kind of village or support? Sorry kids there's no one for you to reach out to. Nevermind that like 5% of child sexual abusers are women. Do you let your child use the internet? Do you read everything they post and send until they are 18? The way to protect your child isn't by going all North Korea and cutting them off from the world. Your job is to teach them how to navigate the world and the various pitfalls safely. So you talk to them about sexual abuse, you talk to them about grooming. You empower them to speak up and tell someone when something doesn't feel right. If you rob them of trusted adults, then to whom will they turn? They might not feel comfortable telling their mom that something weird sexually happened. They may not want to upset you or worry you. Your job is to give them tools not build a wall around them. This is honestly one of the saddest posts I've ever read here.

Me too. It's just insanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y’all are crazy. What’s wrong with being part of this kid’s village? Kids today text - they don’t drop by the house and sit at your kitchen table anymore. As long as your conversations are things you’d share publicly then why wouldn’t you reply to these things? Kids need multiple people invested in them. They see you as a good and safe person. Be that person. All you other posters are so afraid you are making the world so small for your kids.

I agree with this. A few of my friends' kids text me. I've known them since they were 4 or 5 and they're now teenagers. I assure you, there is nothing in appropriate going on. They're like my nieces and nephews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this where we are as a people. Because some priests and Boy Scout leaders (grown men who wear those shorts should have been suspect all along) abused children we cut our kids off from any kind of village or support? Sorry kids there's no one for you to reach out to. Nevermind that like 5% of child sexual abusers are women. Do you let your child use the internet? Do you read everything they post and send until they are 18? The way to protect your child isn't by going all North Korea and cutting them off from the world. Your job is to teach them how to navigate the world and the various pitfalls safely. So you talk to them about sexual abuse, you talk to them about grooming. You empower them to speak up and tell someone when something doesn't feel right. If you rob them of trusted adults, then to whom will they turn? They might not feel comfortable telling their mom that something weird sexually happened. They may not want to upset you or worry you. Your job is to give them tools not build a wall around them. This is honestly one of the saddest posts I've ever read here.

Me too. It's just insanity.

I agree. Some of you have just gone over the edge. It's really sad. Your kids can text me any time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, create a carpool text group. Include all kids and parents. Only communicate with the kids on this thread, as a group, including all parents. Block the kids on any other text threads.

Brilliant idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all are crazy. What’s wrong with being part of this kid’s village? Kids today text - they don’t drop by the house and sit at your kitchen table anymore. As long as your conversations are things you’d share publicly then why wouldn’t you reply to these things? Kids need multiple people invested in them. They see you as a good and safe person. Be that person. All you other posters are so afraid you are making the world so small for your kids.

You do you but you should not keep your kid in the dark that most adults he doesn’t know well would think this is weird and rude.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

I posted about this here a couple years ago. The parent's of my then 10 year old DS's friend actually gave him my cell number because my son did not yet have a cell.

He texted me relentlessly and it really made me think less of the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all are crazy. What’s wrong with being part of this kid’s village? Kids today text - they don’t drop by the house and sit at your kitchen table anymore. As long as your conversations are things you’d share publicly then why wouldn’t you reply to these things? Kids need multiple people invested in them. They see you as a good and safe person. Be that person. All you other posters are so afraid you are making the world so small for your kids.

You do you but you should not keep your kid in the dark that most adults he doesn’t know well would think this is weird and rude.

Plus 1

Why is it rude for a kid to connect with a parent he/she interacts with? When I was growing up I’d chat with parents I encountered and tell about things I was doing or had found. If my friend wasn’t home when I went to their house (yeah we’d just drop by friend’s houses) I’d sit and talk at the table with the mom or with the dad if the kid was on their way home. This was normal community stuff. Everyone bemoans how we don’t have community anymore. People won’t help people anymore. This kind of nonsense is why. If you want there to be a community for you and for your family you have to be a part of it. You have to do your part.

[Anonymous]

OP here.. Thanks again for all the perspective. I really agree with PP who said kids don’t chat at your table anymore, now it’s more texting. Thanks for encouraging me to be there for these sweeties. Their texts really are bright spots in my day. I did talk with the parents and they all agreed it’s just fine. Turns out my son also texts another carpool mom about random things here and there (she is a veterinarian and he asks her chemistry questions). It really is a nice group of families and my worries were maybe silly? I guess it’s better to discuss than not though too, like so many things. Thanks again all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. Thanks again for all the perspective. I really agree with PP who said kids don’t chat at your table anymore, now it’s more texting. Thanks for encouraging me to be there for these sweeties. Their texts really are bright spots in my day. I did talk with the parents and they all agreed it’s just fine. Turns out my son also texts another carpool mom about random things here and there (she is a veterinarian and he asks her chemistry questions). It really is a nice group of families and my worries were maybe silly? I guess it’s better to discuss than not though too, like so many things. Thanks again all!

Good for you and good for them. I have a son in college and I still occasionally text with his friends. Send encouragement. If my son let’s me know they are going through a rough patch I’ll send cookies. Other adults in my son’s life do that for him. He still texts with a family friend about sports. It’s nice. Their social world should not be limited to only peers.