tween’s friends from carpool texting me.. tell parents?

[Anonymous]

Random awkward question.. I drive the carpool. A handful of our 12-yo son’s friends asked for my cell phone number at the beginning of the year so they could text me of running late, sick, not coming, etc. I also have their parents’ cell phone numbers. I didn’t think anything of giving these kids my number, but now I feel worried about how to handle their increasing communication with me. I’m a late-40s widowed, nonprofit law WFM boring white lady. The kids’ parents are a similar demographic. They’re boys and girls ages 11-14. Last week they were texting me mostly things like, “your son isn’t answering his phone. Can you please tell him ____ for me?” This week, a few are texting me throughout their breaks in the day and after school, and this morning.

They text me things like, “hiiiii” and funny emojis, innocent sweet things like “how’s your day going?” — and then when I answer “great! How about yours?” they will respond and ask me about whether they should wear short sleeves or long sleeves.. just really innocent things, and mostly to me they just sound like they’re trying to connect with another human.

But, I wonder.. should I tell their parents?

When I think “yes!,” I think: of course, omg, I would want to know if an adult were texting my child.

When I think “maybe no?,” I think: do they already know because they see their kids’ texts and they’re not worried about it, and if I say something, THEN that makes me sound creepy?

Ugh. I wish the “how to be a safe grownup” parenting course at the preschool had covered this. Thanks for any thoughts or experience.

[Anonymous]

Block him

[Anonymous]

Yes! And don’t respond to anything not carpool related.

Think of it this way - you’re not a predator, but what if the next carpool driver is? Now you’ve taught this kid it’s normal to have private text convos with other parents. It’s not, and it’s not safe even though YOU are safe.

[Anonymous]

I might try “Aiden: you are texting the wrong number. This is larlo’s mom.” And then block! I wouldn’t tell his parents

[Anonymous]

Yeah, don’t respond unless it’s carpool related. Even the texts to pass along a message to your son should be ignored. Say nothing. Delete the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Text back but include his parents number and let him know that he should only text you regarding the car pool.

I have a rule, learned through training to work with kids for volunteer organization, I do not communicate only with the child. I always include the parents on any communication. If the kid contacts me about a concern about their safety in their home or with a parent, I will be contacting the Police or CPS.

But that is me.

[Anonymous]

Keep the conversation just in case. Some kids aren't getting the attention or support they need at home so they look to others to get their needs met. I wouldn't worry about it too much but set boundaries. Hi, good to hear from you, but I'm working and you should be in school. Larlo can only have his phone between xx-xx.

[Anonymous]

OP here.. I hadn’t thought of that, PP! You’re so right. Ugh!

Would you copy each kid’s parents into any messages from their kids so they can see what’s being said?

I can’t really block them because they may need to contact me for carpool. I also hesitate to ignore non-carpool messages, because they’re just making conversation.

Like, does a safe adult answer and copy in the kid’s parent?

My daughter is in high school. When her volleyball coach texts the kids, parents are copied. The initial newsletter said that’s the volleyball association’s policy.

That’s probably what I should do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep the conversation just in case. Some kids aren't getting the attention or support they need at home so they look to others to get their needs met. I wouldn't worry about it too much but set boundaries. Hi, good to hear from you, but I'm working and you should be in school. Larlo can only have his phone between xx-xx.

She shouldn’t do this unless she has specific and realistic concerns abt the kid. The child has a guidance counselor and teachers, etc. the chance is much higher of him getting more and more comfortable contacting adults he barely knows privately and/or the parents thinking weird, or the kid teasing op’s son about his Pervy mom or something.

[Anonymous]

OP again.. the kids aren’t saying anything about being unsafe or anything otherwise concerning, and they’re tweens and young teens. They’re just chatty and bored at breaks and after school. They aren’t texting during classes.

See? I think, it’s no big deal, don’t freak out! Then I think, they’re minors! Concern is rational?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.. the kids aren’t saying anything about being unsafe or anything otherwise concerning, and they’re tweens and young teens. They’re just chatty and bored at breaks and after school. They aren’t texting during classes.

See? I think, it’s no big deal, don’t freak out! Then I think, they’re minors! Concern is rational?

I would pretend you think he’s texted by accident then block. He saves face yet the situation ends.

[Anonymous]

Stop texting these kids about anything not related to time-sensitive carpool issues. Full stop. Do not respond to texts asking how your day is going or tween/teen attempts “to connect with another human.” You are the adult and you need to establish and maintain appropriate boundaries.

“Hey, Larlo, I am super busy with work (or home or something adult) during the day. I can’t reply now, but we can chat about this when I see you for soccer/lacrosse/swim carpool. You can text [DS] if you want.”

Depending on how well you know the parents, you might mention Larlo has your number to text regarding carpool emergencies, but you’ve explained you are busy with other things during the day and can only communicate about urgent carpool issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.. the kids aren’t saying anything about being unsafe or anything otherwise concerning, and they’re tweens and young teens. They’re just chatty and bored at breaks and after school. They aren’t texting during classes.

See? I think, it’s no big deal, don’t freak out! Then I think, they’re minors! Concern is rational?

I don't think you need to block them, that's weird and unnecssarily hurtful. I think you need to talk to the kids who are texting you next time you see them and just tell them that they can text you if they need something from you: carpool related, they have a problem (so they have a safe space if they feel like that), but not just to say hi. Blame it on job or being busy, whatever you want. If they then text you with an issue or problem you can then decide whether you need to bring in their parents. If it's just carpool, no worries.

I think most of these PPs are nuts.

I have kids this age and would not lose my mind over them texting the mom of their friends.

[Anonymous]

You don't need to block anyone, that's a crazy suggestion. But by not answering the daytime random questions about how your day is going etc it will discourage them from continuing and then they'll stop. I also think this is quite obvious to anyone with half a brain.

[Anonymous]

OP, create a carpool text group. Include all kids and parents. Only communicate with the kids on this thread, as a group, including all parents. Block the kids on any other text threads.