tween’s friends from carpool texting me.. tell parents?

[Anonymous]

I was going to suggest what others have - a group chat. The bonus being if you don't see the message, someone else likely will and will pipe up "Billy says he's running late" or "Charlie's not coming today."

[Anonymous]

OP here again.. thank you all so much. Yesterday I kept up until about page 2, and then got distracted all evening with work and life. Hugs to the annoyed PP, love to the PP whose father died, and so much thanks to the PP with the advice to be an ear for these kids. They really are just silly and innocent and chatty. Maybe they are making fun of me! Lol. I’m sure I’ll miss it when they all go away to college. I’m not annoyed by their texts; it’s all just a new way of communicating for this 👵🏻 and I want to be sure I’m not doing anything wrong. Thanks again for all the perspective!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Text back but include his parents number and let him know that he should only text you regarding the car pool.

I have a rule, learned through training to work with kids for volunteer organization, I do not communicate only with the child. I always include the parents on any communication. If the kid contacts me about a concern about their safety in their home or with a parent, I will be contacting the Police or CPS.

But that is me.

This is a great idea. Don’t just block (these are kids, people!), but this move both sets a boundary and engages the parents directly.

[Anonymous]

I dunno--why not just be honest with parents or kid?

Parents: Your DS has been texting me--I don't mind, but I want to make sure you are comfortable with it. I'm happy to cc you on replies if you prefer.

Kid: I don't mind hearing from you, but your parents might be weirded out that you are texting with me about something other than carpool.

It's a tough one, because I agree that we all would like to have a village! But as others have said, we're also teaching our kids about what is appropriate social behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.. thank you all so much. Yesterday I kept up until about page 2, and then got distracted all evening with work and life. Hugs to the annoyed PP, love to the PP whose father died, and so much thanks to the PP with the advice to be an ear for these kids. They really are just silly and innocent and chatty. Maybe they are making fun of me! Lol. I’m sure I’ll miss it when they all go away to college. I’m not annoyed by their texts; it’s all just a new way of communicating for this 👵🏻 and I want to be sure I’m not doing anything wrong. Thanks again for all the perspective!

You're overthinking this OP. If the parents trust you to DRIVE their kids you are not doing anything wrong by exchanging texts. For goodness sake you could drive off with all the kids if you wanted. I agree with the village PP, our society has lost the ability to have social cohesion and connection with others outside of the family unit. I get that the texts are annoying, but I don't feel like it's a big deal. It is good for young people to have a constellation of adults that care.

If I trusted you to drive my kid in a carpool, I'd be fine with my kid communicating with you directly. Plus there must be something about you that the kids feel comfortable "chatting" with you. So take it as a compliment. I'd inform the parents if the texts take a wrong turn somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y’all are crazy. What’s wrong with being part of this kid’s village? Kids today text - they don’t drop by the house and sit at your kitchen table anymore. As long as your conversations are things you’d share publicly then why wouldn’t you reply to these things? Kids need multiple people invested in them. They see you as a good and safe person. Be that person. All you other posters are so afraid you are making the world so small for your kids.

I think so too.
It is sad that this sort of thing might get you in trouble though.

[Anonymous]

Just flat out don't respond unless carpool related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just flat out don't respond unless carpool related.

This but no, they never needed your number. You only needed to tell them to text your child or ask their parent to text you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just flat out don't respond unless carpool related.

This but no, they never needed your number. You only needed to tell them to text your child or ask their parent to text you

That’s true. I don’t have any of DS’s 14 yo friends numbers and we carpool. He texts them or vice versa if someone is running late.

[Anonymous]

My goodness, why would you block the kids? That’s just unkind. I would say “Larlo, I only use this phone for work and carpool. We can talk when I pick you up! Have a great day.” Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My goodness, why would you block the kids? That’s just unkind. I would say “Larlo, I only use this phone for work and carpool. We can talk when I pick you up! Have a great day.” Done.

OR create a group chat with parents. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.. thank you all so much. Yesterday I kept up until about page 2, and then got distracted all evening with work and life. Hugs to the annoyed PP, love to the PP whose father died, and so much thanks to the PP with the advice to be an ear for these kids. They really are just silly and innocent and chatty. Maybe they are making fun of me! Lol. I’m sure I’ll miss it when they all go away to college. I’m not annoyed by their texts; it’s all just a new way of communicating for this 👵🏻 and I want to be sure I’m not doing anything wrong. Thanks again for all the perspective!

You're overthinking this OP. If the parents trust you to DRIVE their kids you are not doing anything wrong by exchanging texts. For goodness sake you could drive off with all the kids if you wanted. I agree with the village PP, our society has lost the ability to have social cohesion and connection with others outside of the family unit. I get that the texts are annoying, but I don't feel like it's a big deal. It is good for young people to have a constellation of adults that care.

If I trusted you to drive my kid in a carpool, I'd be fine with my kid communicating with you directly. Plus there must be something about you that the kids feel comfortable "chatting" with you. So take it as a compliment. I'd inform the parents if the texts take a wrong turn somehow.

Please take the BSA Youth Protection Training. You are the parent that a predator looks for. It is fine to trust the parent, we all have people that we trust, but also to set boundaries so that your child is protected. BSA has a two adult minimum rule now for a very good reason, and we all know it, but the rule makes sense for dealing with all kids. The OP telling the parents that the kids are contacting her is simply a method of communicating that she is aware that the Parents should know what Adults their kids are communicating with. Using a group chat encourages the kids to stay safe by having other people around them even virtually.

OP is asking good questions and thinking about this in a constructive way. No one is interested in hurting the kids but making sure that things are done in a safe way that helps the kids learn how to protect themselves and is above board.

[Anonymous]

OP you are great.

I agree with the idea to set up a group chat. Until you do that, or if a kid keeps messaging you individually after that, I would just start taking a while to respond. The kids are looking for that instant hit/gratification, so I’d just let their messages sit for a while. And then maybe just “like” then but don’t respond back, and definitely don’t ask them a follow-up how are you type of question. I don’t think it’s weird they’re texting you. They’re still so young it’s all new and fun and you must be a fun carpool mom. At 16/17 and they’re texting you it might be at your expense, but not now.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

“Hey, Larlo, I am super busy with work (or home or something adult) during the day. I can’t reply now, but we can chat about this when I see you for soccer/lacrosse/swim carpool. You can text [DS] if you want.”

This is perfect. FWIW, my 12 year old son is in a D&D club led by another child's father. He does have that father's number, but they only text outside the D&D group around once every other month (for matters like asking if the dad had seen a TV show that mentioned D&D, or how my son was doing after a sports injury). I am totally comfortable with that level of communication without my involvement, but would be upset if my son was texting this guy a lot - mostly because it would be a burden on the guy.

[Anonymous]

If this wasn’t about texting and was real life convo, wouldn’t she be allowed to talk to them??

I understand being careful but these kids will also become adults and they may appreciate the connection. I have the numbers of my kid’s closest friends and we don’t chit chat, but I will thank them for something or reach out if they are with my kid and my kid’s phone isn’t working right (there’s an issue with the phone we need to get fixed).

I understand we don’t want to have long 1-1 with kids yet it’s also nice for kids to learn to talk with adults. And I know I am so glad I had enjoyable and memorable conversations with the parents of my friends.

Thank you for asking this because it’s good to think about then see if anything meds to be changed or not.