Any advice on when to start trying for a baby?
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Anonymous
| I know this must be an incredibly naive question, but since so many of you have been through this process, I appreciate your experience and thoughts. I am recently married and 35 years old. I would love thoughts or advice on when to start a family. I know how personal that is, but just hearing your experience and advice can be helpful. |
Anonymous
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Do you think you want more than 1 child? If you are 35, I'd start now. Hopefully you don't have any problems and can have one baby and then wait for your optimal spacing for number 2. But if you DO have problems, you want to know that sooner as opposed to later.
#1 took me three years to conceive. #2 took me 6 months to conceive. That is coloring my advice. My sister conceived twice the first month. |
Anonymous
| You have to feel somewhat ready. And that you've experienced a lot of what you've wanted to experience, as far as the types of things that are harder with kids (travel, specific athletic endeavors, etc). All that can be done with small kids, it's a lot harder and more expensive. So I ran a marathon before I had kids, traveled to many of the places that would be hard to go with kids. And also finances- can you afford it? That was a big limiting factor for me, because I don't make tons of money. |
Anonymous
| The right answer is "ten years ago". |
Anonymous
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I married at 34 (in February), got pregnant in March/early April, had preemie twins (33 weeks, so not *too* early) in October, and turned 35 that December.
While I wouldn't change anything now (six years out, now *maybe* thinking about another baby) that first year or two of being married was crazy. Have you talked to your doctor about whether you might have trouble conceiving? We started trying right away because I'd previously had endometriosis and fully expected to "try for six months then need some help." That's not how it all played out. Also, remember that you're unlikely to EVER be ready for how fast everything moved for my family. Sometimes you just have to jump into the deep end and see what happens! |
Anonymous
| if you're 35, don't wait any longer. |
Anonymous
THIS |
Anonymous
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Take a year to enjoy being married and set a good foundation with your dh. Get a general checkup - make sure your thyroid is good and your vitamin D levels are where they should be. Take a prenatal vitamin to get ready.
After that one year mark, I'd suggest going for it. Agree with others, if you want more than one, you don't want to wait much longer than that. |
Anonymous
This is good advice. |
Anonymous
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I waited until DH and I were happy in our relationship, financially stable, and honestly felt ready to have a child (i.e., ignoring outside pressures regarding when we should marry and have children). We got married at 33 and started TTC just after I turned 34. Took 3 years, 18 months of that fully immersed in constant rounds of infertility diagnosis, testing, and treatments (IUIs and eventual IVF and frozen embryo transfers) to get pregnant with our DD. The infertility issues were all mine, but I had no clear indications that there would be a problem until we started TTC and I came off of the birth control I had been on for years. Then, when there were signs that this might not be as easy as I thought, I stuck my head in the sand and spent several months ignoring the obvious problem.
Or you could be like my family member, who got pregnant without even trying (birth control failure). Or multiple friends of mine who have gotten pregnant and delivered healthy babies without any major issues in their mid-late thirties. You just never know. Having gone through IF myself, I will say if you have any reason to suspect that you may have a problem (history of irregular cycles, endometriosis, family history of IF/miscarriage, etc), it may be worthwhile to speak to your OB/GYN about it in advance. Also, after the age of 35, if you try for 6+ months with no luck, get checked out. None of this is said to scare you into trying now, I just wish I had gone into TTC with open eyes, and not just an assumption that I would quickly and easily get and remain pregnant. |
Anonymous
+1. Definitely enjoy your first year as a married couple. In addition to the getting physically ready, as the PP suggested, talk about your own childhoods, how you'd like to parent, who might stay home or whether you'd both prefer to work, etc. And if you're open to surprises, you can always just "don't prevent" a baby for the first year, as opposed to actually trying (which to me means monitoring ovulation, having timed intercourse, etc.) |
Anonymous
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Every person here is going to have a different answer because it really depends on how long it took you to get pregnant. People who got married the first month will tell you to wait. People who it took years will say start right away.
FWIW - I was married at 27, almost 28 and thought oh I'll get pregnant right away let's enjoy being married. We started when I was 29 and I was sort of ambivalent about it but knew I'd be excited if I got pregnant. Well it took 2 years and we ended up having to do IVF because of male factor. I am now 32 with an 8 month old and so happy, but you just never know! If I were 35, I would start immediately. Even for a perfectly healthy 35 year old where neither of you have fertility issues, you only have a 15-20% chance of getting pregnant every month and then even if you do, you have about a 25% chance of a miscarriage. |
Anonymous
| I got married when I was 33, got pregnant 5 months later and had that baby at 34. Got pregnant again when DC1 was 13 months and had DC2 a month before I turned 36. I am lucky that I had uneventful pregnancies and conceived the first month of trying. However, the timing was also a compromise with my husband as I wanted to wait a little bit longer both times, but agreed to start trying sooner than my ideal timing, which would have been six months later. At this point I have no regrets and am glad that I am 36 and am done having babies. No one knows what's in store for you, but I think you could push it off for months, but not years. |
Anonymous
| If having a child is your top priority as a lifelong goal, the start now. Infertility can be very time intensive. It took me many years to get pregnant. I would like to have more, but that ship has sailed. A year makes a big difference after 35. |
Anonymous
how helpful. now go kick rocks. |