Any advice on when to start trying for a baby?
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Anonymous
| Now. I've been trying for over 4 years and still nothing even after treatments. Unless you are open to donor eggs or adoption and have financial resources for these routes - do not wait a single day. |
Anonymous
Not only unhelpful, but also untrue. |
Anonymous
| If you want more than 1, now. |
Anonymous
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How many kids do you want, how old is your partner, how much energy do the two of you have, and how much free family help is available (or how much could you afford to hire)? I was around your age when our DC was born (and DH late 30s) and we are both utterly exhausted. The first year we were so sleep deprived we were pretty miserable. We had little to no family help and didn't know what we were doing most of the time. It was really hard. I think it only gets more tiring as you get older, and you are more likely to have fertility issues AND for the baby to be born with developmental problems the older you both get. If you know you want more than two, then you need to get hopping for sure!
The PP advice on starting by making an OBGYN apt is good. They will give you instructions on how to prepare. |
Anonymous
| ^oops, meant to say if you want more than ONE. |
Anonymous
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I like the idea of not trying not preventing for a year. The first year of marriage can be hard, and it's good to get to know each other as a married couple without throwing pregnancy hormones and a newborn in the mix. But, if you really, really want kids, especially more than one, I wouldn't wait for too much longer.
Aside from getting a fertility workup (which you certainly could!), there's no way of knowing if it'll take you 2 months or 2 years. Of course the same is true at 25, but the odds of there being difficulties are certainly higher at 35, as I'm sure you know. FWIW, my SIL got married at 34, waited 18 months to TTC, then got pregnant on her second try. I would NOT put my money on it being that easy though. |
Anonymous
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Here's the thing: if you try asap and get pregnant right away, once the baby is here you're probably not going to regret having started immediately. Conversely, if you wait and there's issues, you may regret not starting sooner. Or you may still be fortunate and get pregnant easily. There's just no way to tell and hence no right answer!
I got married at 33, pregnant the first time every time we "tried" at 33, 34, 36, and 37. Two miscarriages and two healthy babies. |
Anonymous
| You should get your AMH tested now, then you will know if you have any issues with decreased ovarian reserve and need to get started TTC right away. I wish I had known about this test. I got pregnant on the first try at 36, healthy pregnancy and baby, then started trying again for #2 at 37, no luck, got my AMH tested and it was undetectable--like super low. I was told I would never get pregnant on my own. I didn't believe it at the time but it turned out to be true. Now 2 years later I still have not been able to get pregnant again, despite infertility treatments. Had I known to get my AMH tested I would have been able to start earlier. This is a very important test and it's a simple blood test. |
Anonymous
| If you've been more or less living together, then count that time as building your foundation as a couple, and start sooner TTC. |
Anonymous
I agree with this as long as you have a healthy, strong marriage. Which is impossible to know after a few months of marriage! Everyone goes through rocky patches, and it's impossible know you won't have a harder time adjusting to married life. OP, do you feel like you still have "stuff" to work out with your husband? How are your communication and conflict resolution skills as a couple? DH and I were together for almost 15 years before DD was born, and the newborn phase still was tough on our relationship. If you are uncertain about how you guys would do, I'd wait for a little while. Not to be a debbie downer, but I've seen the resentment and frustration build and eventually destroy marriages after a few years more than once. |
Anonymous
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At 35, I wouldn't wait.
I got pregnant easily in my early 30s but watched friends in their mid-30s struggle. That convinced me to start trying than I otherwise would have in a perfect world. In fact, of my friends in their mid-30s, only one has a baby (conceived with IVF). I'm a little surprised at the PPs who suggest waiting a year so you can settle in with your husband. Unless you dated for less than a year before getting married, you should already be pretty well settled in your relationship. I personally would rather be sleep deprived with a newborn on my first wedding anniversary than struggling to conceive on my second or third. |
Anonymous
Agreed. I don't know what is so different about being married than being together/engaged and living together. And presumably since you are older, you've discussed having kids, how you want to raise them, family values, etc. so there's really no need to wait. |
Anonymous
I think this is good advice. At 33 we decided it was time to not prevent pregnancy anymore. I went off the pill and got pregnant after my 1st cycle. We were prepared to try for a year and see what happens. We were amazed that it didn't take long at all based on anectodal stories from our friends who all took a long time to get pregnant. My doctor was right- don't go off the pill until you're ready to be pregnant. In terms of being "ready" I would make sure you have a budget in place to save $$ for your maternity leave and plans for paying for daycare and other baby expenses. Make sure you live in a place you'd feel comfortable bringing a baby home to-- it's easier to move to a 2 bedroom apartment when you're NOT pregnant or have an infant! |
Anonymous
Oh please. If I'd had my kids at 25, I wouldn't have had a chance to have any FUN or make any money. You missed out on a lot, teen moms   
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Anonymous
I agree with this - I waited four years and it was too long. |