Contact my dad's birth family
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Anonymous
| My dad was adopted and recently passed away. We recently received all his documentation from Catholic Charities. We have found the two siblings on Facebook and are wondering if/how we should contact them for we're pretty confident they probably don't know about my dad. We don't want them to be creeped out or think we have motives (we don't, we have plenty of $ etc). Have you ever heard anyone go about this? |
Anonymous
| Sure, why not? And a facebook saying you are the child and have received documentation that they are your dads siblings. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't. They can't get to know your dad now. It would be like pouring salt in the wound. "Hi, guess what. Your mom kept you but gave up a sibling for adoption and never told you about it. Here's his info. Sorry you can't get to know him because he passed away recently." I can't imagine anything good coming of it. |
Anonymous
| I'm very sorry for your loss. |
Anonymous
Not that long ago having an illegitimate child ruined the lives of young women. Abortions were illegal and 99% went off to "visit a relative" and gave birth to child and gave it up immediately for the adoption. And if story as it was never mentioned and the woman in question kept it to herself. Let sleeping dogs lie. It is not your place to bring embarrassment to her memory. Leave it alone |
Anonymous
If yoh want nothing then why contact them? |
Anonymous
if I were them, I'd want to meet OP and her family. And they might Have learned something about the dad through the years. |
Anonymous
| Do not contact them via FB. This occurred in my family and FB made it worse. Give them the dignity of receiving information from you in the mail and allowing them to decide what to do. |
Anonymous
| My uncle is in this situation and is desperate to meet his half siblings, if only he had enough info to identify them. I say absolutely approach them. A letter or phone call may be most appropriate. |
Anonymous
|
Leave it alone.
This was for your dad to do when he was living. Sorry for your loss, but don't do this.. |
Anonymous
|
I'm an adoptee who has met my birth family (they had no idea of my existence- long story). This may sound dramatic, but I would seek adoption-related counseling and not crowd source from DCUM. Most of the posters here aren't a part of the adoption triad and don't have the relevant experience to advise you. The reason I say to get counseling is because you should think very carefully about your reasons for doing this and the impact it can have on everyone- not just you but on your dad's siblings and their families. Not saying you shouldn't contact them, but once you open Pandora's box, things can never go back to where they were. My reunion story is a happy one with ongoing contact with my birth family, but there are a lot of implications and consequences I hadn't considered, and I see similar stories in the adoption reunion group I'm a part of.
Good luck and I'm sorry for the loss of your father. |
Anonymous
My late father was adopted in the 50s but we were told we weren't allowed to find his birth family. How did you do this? |
Anonymous
Wow. You might just be looking for me. 
My mom was a "girl who was sent away" in the early 1960's. She was raped at age 18 and became pregnant. My grandmother didn't believe it was rape, and it didn't matter either way, because they were Irish Catholic and it was a shameful secret so she was sent away to a Catholic home for unwed mothers. She gave birth and wasn't even able to hold the baby. Keeping my sister was never an option. My mom went into a tailspin afterward. Rejected by her family, she drank a lot and slept around for a couple of years. And became pregnant again, and went away again. This time, the nuns were 10x more cruel to her. It didn't matter that the first pregnancy was a result of rape. It didn't matter that she was traumatized and broken by her child being ripped from her. They were awful. My mom said she barely remembered those months. And when she went into labor early, she didn't hear the baby cry. She never knew if it was a boy or girl or lived or died. My sister bribed a source at catholic Charities and found us about 20 years ago. Her presence in our lives is a huge joy and gave my mother so much peace. But she would not touch the idea of me trying to find out what happened to the second baby - she has so much more guilt and shame about that pregnancy as well as guilt that she may have hurt the baby by drinking before she knew she was pregnant- and Catholic Charities won't tell me anything or allow me to join a sibling registry without her permission. If I have a brother or sister out there, even if they died, I would be happy to meet their children. I would help answer any questions they have. I would grieve that their parent never met my mom, who had a good heart and was full of love. I would welcome any contact that might bring us peace or joy. I don't know if that helps, but as someone who has been to this rodeo once and may still have another sibling out there, I welcome contact on FB or mail. |
Anonymous
| They have a right to know about their half sibling and his family. They can choose to find out more or have nothing to do with it, but by not telling them you take the choice away from them. I think everyone would want to know and decide for themselves how to handle it. |
Anonymous
Another adoptee here, and I agree. It's possible that your father's siblings never knew about his existence at all. It's possible that your dad made an intentional choice not to seek out his birth parents or biological siblings. It's possible that there are some issues in the siblings's family you have no way of knowing anything about. You should seek the guidance of a professional who can help you think through some of the options and reactions. And definitely don't do it on Facebook. |