Sex with spouse (non explicit)

[Anonymous]

I was lamenting the lack of exciting sex my husband and I have shared and he responded that most couples don't have the type of sex I'm talking about (rushing to have sex the minute arriving home from work). Is this actually true? I remember my sex life with boyfriends and it was quite something.

Sometimes I get sad because I've never had this kind of sex with my husband. We've had sex in the morning but it's more that he has a hard on and needs to take care of his needs as opposed to really wanting and desiring me. He's never just had to have me after a date night or after not seeing each other for a while. Is this normal?

[Anonymous]

sounds like you settled.

[Anonymous]

You've never had crazy sex with your DH or just not lately? Why did you get married?
We just had a baby 7 months ago and sex is finally feeling good again. But we got though the dry spell and all my hormone nutshell was by remembering our super fun sex life when we were just dating. 3 times a day on a long weekend. Not getting out of bed except to eat. Him going for a run and waking me up when he got back, already all sweaty but it was a turn on. Etc. we probably can't muster the same frequency and excitement all the time now but we talk about it and remember and rekindle some of those feelings again.

[Anonymous]

He's having an affair. There's no way a man is getting offered to him and he turns it down. Or he's gay.

[Anonymous]

We don't have the kid of sex that you (and I) want either. I bet some married couples do but I don't think it's the majority. Far from it. Things are still new and exciting with BFs; you didn't have kids back then either I assume. Now, real life gets in the way. Not saying that's how it should be, but I'm in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I have been married for 8 years. Honestly, sex has gotten so much better over the years as we became completely comfortable together. I mean, I dream about him, wake up, and can't believe it's real.

[Anonymous]

well, with 3 kids (older kids so not as needy as toddlers/infants), we have really good regular sex (it was always really good and just got sooo much better as we've gotten older).

But usually once a week or so we have wild sex - either bc we had a some wine and fun (heavy foreplay) on the couch late at night or he or I was particularly horny after having gone out for date night. Sometimes we never make it upstairs to the bedroom

When DH travels (he is overseas every few months for a couple of weeks), I literally tear his clothes off (and he also unbelievably raring to go) the day he comes home and usually for a couple of days immediately upon his return.

So it seems odd that your DH doesn't feel this way.

[Anonymous]

I'm in this same bad place, except it's DW who feels that way. We never had fireworks, but the sex has gotten to near-non-existent (early June was the last time). DW was always on the "curvy" side and now, post-baby, has really never gotten off the pregnancy weight. I don't actually mind but she was already shy and self-conscious and now is super self-conscious to the point of not really wanting to have sex. DW wasn't as experienced or "skilled" but that never bothered me - mostly vanilla missionary is fine - but I am unhappy that my attempts to initiate are met more with sex-negativity than just declining - that smacks of avoidance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in this same bad place, except it's DW who feels that way. We never had fireworks, but the sex has gotten to near-non-existent (early June was the last time). DW was always on the "curvy" side and now, post-baby, has really never gotten off the pregnancy weight. I don't actually mind but she was already shy and self-conscious and now is super self-conscious to the point of not really wanting to have sex. DW wasn't as experienced or "skilled" but that never bothered me - mostly vanilla missionary is fine - but I am unhappy that my attempts to initiate are met more with sex-negativity than just declining - that smacks of avoidance.

This sounds familiar. On top of the stuff you describe, the room kept getting darker and darker when we had sex. There kept being more rules about when we could do it. Her shirt came off less and less. She needed a 20 minute massage before we could get on to sexier kinds of foreplay. Once we got going, she would generally do what I suggested, but took less and less initiative. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Your question was do MOST married couples have sex such as you describe (rushing to have sex the minute you arrive home from work), and the answer is a resounding NO. Most couples married for more than 5 years are having very little sex (read this forum) and when they do its not the passion fueled hot sex you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

We don't anymore. Sex is good, and frequent, but it's not "I can't wait to get my hands on you" like when we were first married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your question was do MOST married couples have sex such as you describe (rushing to have sex the minute you arrive home from work), and the answer is a resounding NO. Most couples married for more than 5 years are having very little sex (read this forum) and when they do its not the passion fueled hot sex you're talking about.

+1. Wife and I still have sex a couple times a month, but not passionate. I am bursting at the seems, rip her clothes off, she is like OPs husband

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have good and exciting sex but it's not a huge rush after coming home from work. With small kids around that would be pretty hard to pull off, for one. Second, you live together so there's not that rush because you can have it available all the time. When you're dating, you know there's a finite time limit to getting it so it's more of an urgent need.
How long have you been married? Have any kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was lamenting the lack of exciting sex my husband and I have shared and he responded that most couples don't have the type of sex I'm talking about (rushing to have sex the minute arriving home from work). Is this actually true? I remember my sex life with boyfriends and it was quite something.

Sometimes I get sad because I've never had this kind of sex with my husband. We've had sex in the morning but it's more that he has a hard on and needs to take care of his needs as opposed to really wanting and desiring me. He's never just had to have me after a date night or after not seeing each other for a while. Is this normal?

Is his name Michael, by chance? Sounds just like my ex-husband. He never had a sex drive. Ever. We were in our 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most couples married for more than 5 years are having very little sex (read this forum) and when they do its not the passion fueled hot sex you're talking about.

Speak for yourself, I've been happily married 30 years to a wife who still looks 10 years younger then her age and we have sex 3 or 4 times a week. Absulut secret to a happy marriage.