DH is a lying cheating liar who lies!

[Anonymous]

I've decided not to confront my DH until after I meet with a lawyer next week but I just can't keep the news in: My husband of 18 months and the father of our 8 month old daughter has been cheating on me since at least May! What is wrong with him?! Who does this?!

Last week DH told me he wanted a divorce, and implied that I wasn't a supportive wife. I begged, pleaded, and generally humiliated myself in trying to get him to change his mind. He wouldn't budge. I asked point blank if he was cheating and he said no. In fact, he proclaimed that he was offended that I would even ask such a question. A few days later he announced how unfair it was that he had to wait an entire year for a divorce. Still I suspected nothing. In fact I defended him when my mom suggested that he wanted a divorce faster because there was another woman. She said "I'd bet if you looked in his email you would see there's another woman." Just to prove her wrong, I checked out his gmail (he never logs out) and literally the first email was from some woman about their upcoming romantic getaway! I'm blown away, but at least it all makes sense now.

Any general advice from those who have found themselves in similar situations? I know adultery is hard to prove in VA but it might be worth the effort/cost to avoid having to pay spousal support.

[Anonymous]

Don't take it personal
These type of men enjoy the excitement of the chase and generally tell women exactly what they want to hear.
They are masters at deception
Be glad you found out now. You are young and can still find someone better.

[Anonymous]

I'm so profoundly sorry. Document everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've decided not to confront my DH until after I meet with a lawyer next week but I just can't keep the news in: My husband of 18 months and the father of our 8 month old daughter has been cheating on me since at least May! What is wrong with him?! Who does this?!

Last week DH told me he wanted a divorce, and implied that I wasn't a supportive wife. I begged, pleaded, and generally humiliated myself in trying to get him to change his mind. He wouldn't budge. I asked point blank if he was cheating and he said no. In fact, he proclaimed that he was offended that I would even ask such a question. A few days later he announced how unfair it was that he had to wait an entire year for a divorce. Still I suspected nothing. In fact I defended him when my mom suggested that he wanted a divorce faster because there was another woman. She said "I'd bet if you looked in his email you would see there's another woman." Just to prove her wrong, I checked out his gmail (he never logs out) and literally the first email was from some woman about their upcoming romantic getaway! I'm blown away, but at least it all makes sense now.

Any general advice from those who have found themselves in similar situations? I know adultery is hard to prove in VA but it might be worth the effort/cost to avoid having to pay spousal support.

Big, big, big hugs to you sister.

With behavior like this and the accompanying attitude, this is a man who definitely needs to get out of your life. You will be well rid of him. I know it's hell right now, with the life you were building together and the baby you have made together, but a decade from now you will be so thankful about this.

Absolutely document everything. screenshot everything you see in his email and on his texts.

Drag this out for a few more months so that you can get more evidence. Use the extra months to hire a private investigator - it may be a worthwhile investment in the long run for 2 reasons. 1) You don't have to face the emotional triggering that will occur from collecting evidence yourself, and the PI can do it better and 2) you don't have to pay spousal support. I'm guessing you're the main breadwinner, going by your post.

I'm so deeply sorry. You are a valuable human being and you will find better blessings in your life when this is over.

[Anonymous]

Make sure to print all the emails and get a paper trail.

[Anonymous]

After you print the emails, leave one along with his crap at the door and tell him he can move in with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've decided not to confront my DH until after I meet with a lawyer next week but I just can't keep the news in: My husband of 18 months and the father of our 8 month old daughter has been cheating on me since at least May! What is wrong with him?! Who does this?!

Last week DH told me he wanted a divorce, and implied that I wasn't a supportive wife. I begged, pleaded, and generally humiliated myself in trying to get him to change his mind. He wouldn't budge. I asked point blank if he was cheating and he said no. In fact, he proclaimed that he was offended that I would even ask such a question. A few days later he announced how unfair it was that he had to wait an entire year for a divorce. Still I suspected nothing. In fact I defended him when my mom suggested that he wanted a divorce faster because there was another woman. She said "I'd bet if you looked in his email you would see there's another woman." Just to prove her wrong, I checked out his gmail (he never logs out) and literally the first email was from some woman about their upcoming romantic getaway! I'm blown away, but at least it all makes sense now.

Any general advice from those who have found themselves in similar situations? I know adultery is hard to prove in VA but it might be worth the effort/cost to avoid having to pay spousal support.

Big, big, big hugs to you sister.

With behavior like this and the accompanying attitude, this is a man who definitely needs to get out of your life. You will be well rid of him. I know it's hell right now, with the life you were building together and the baby you have made together, but a decade from now you will be so thankful about this.

Absolutely document everything. screenshot everything you see in his email and on his texts.

Drag this out for a few more months so that you can get more evidence. Use the extra months to hire a private investigator - it may be a worthwhile investment in the long run for 2 reasons. 1) You don't have to face the emotional triggering that will occur from collecting evidence yourself, and the PI can do it better and 2) you don't have to pay spousal support. I'm guessing you're the main breadwinner, going by your post.

I'm so deeply sorry. You are a valuable human being and you will find better blessings in your life when this is over.

Will cheating really affect spousal support or not having to pay? If you're 100 percent sure you want a divorce then just go and do that. No need for a PI. Why does it matter what he's up to? Move on.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Print all those emails out IMMEDIATELY.

Try to delete the fact you printed them.

Try, try, try- AFTER YOU HAVE PRINTED THE EMAILS, SO HE DOESNT WISE UP- to get access to his phone and print the texts that are in there.

If the phone bill is in both your names you could call them and ask for a transcript of numbers he has texted (though they won't tell you the texts, usually)

Get every shred of evidence lined up, cause it's gonna be IMPORTANT later on.

[Anonymous]

He wants out too. Maybe he will be willing to admit to the adultery so he can get out faster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wants out too. Maybe he will be willing to admit to the adultery so he can get out faster.

I'm hoping this is the case. Like I said, I will talk to a lawyer first but then I plan to confront him and hope he'll admit it.

[Anonymous]

From my understanding in Virginia if there's adultery that can have a significant impact on spousal support. That said, it would be unlikely that this would be a consideration in a marriage of less than 2 years.

Hold your cards close until you talk to the lawyer.

[Anonymous]

www.chumplady.com

Lots of hugs.

[Anonymous]

In md you can serve him paper right away and kick him out of the house.

Rip the band aid off, you will be fine.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for all you must be going through OP. Find support. Lawyer, therapist, childcare, friends, family. This is exhausting on all levels - take care of yourself. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In md you can serve him paper right away and kick him out of the house.

Rip the band aid off, you will be fine.

Lawyers told me that in MD adultery doesn't have any effect on child support or other issues.

Sorry you're going through this, OP. What a lying liar.