DH is a lying cheating liar who lies!

[Anonymous]

I"m so sorry you're going through this and with such a young baby too! Hugs and wishing you support and peace.

[Anonymous]

Print out the balances on your joint accounts. Either one of you can drain the accounts and there's no recourse for the other party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've decided not to confront my DH until after I meet with a lawyer next week but I just can't keep the news in: My husband of 18 months and the father of our 8 month old daughter has been cheating on me since at least May! What is wrong with him?! Who does this?!

Last week DH told me he wanted a divorce, and implied that I wasn't a supportive wife. I begged, pleaded, and generally humiliated myself in trying to get him to change his mind. He wouldn't budge. I asked point blank if he was cheating and he said no. In fact, he proclaimed that he was offended that I would even ask such a question. A few days later he announced how unfair it was that he had to wait an entire year for a divorce. Still I suspected nothing. In fact I defended him when my mom suggested that he wanted a divorce faster because there was another woman. She said "I'd bet if you looked in his email you would see there's another woman." Just to prove her wrong, I checked out his gmail (he never logs out) and literally the first email was from some woman about their upcoming romantic getaway! I'm blown away, but at least it all makes sense now.

Any general advice from those who have found themselves in similar situations? I know adultery is hard to prove in VA but it might be worth the effort/cost to avoid having to pay spousal support.

Sorry that I don't have anything but a question, you might have to pay HIM spousal support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:www.chumplady.com

Lots of hugs.

+1

[Anonymous]

Adultery is illegal in va. Get a PI and have him followed. I'm sorry Op. Sounds like he has some kind of sex addiction.

[Anonymous]

Without saying anything, to anyone, sign up for a p.o. box. Then, go to a bank of your choice, and open up a bank account in your name only - using the p.o. box address. Then, take screenshots - with a time stamp - of your bank accounts. The morning of the night you are going to confront him, take exactly half of the monies out of the accounts, and deposit the monies into your bank account. He's using your family monies to take his whore on a romantic getaway, so do not hesitate to take what is rightfully yours. Especially because I think he'll have no hesitation to take all the monies upon being confronted.

[Anonymous]

Why do people not log out of their e-mail? That is just plain stupid!

The other advice in this thread is pretty good. If you were in MD, he would be waiting a year too because of the child. I think most states are like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've decided not to confront my DH until after I meet with a lawyer next week but I just can't keep the news in: My husband of 18 months and the father of our 8 month old daughter has been cheating on me since at least May! What is wrong with him?! Who does this?!

Last week DH told me he wanted a divorce, and implied that I wasn't a supportive wife. I begged, pleaded, and generally humiliated myself in trying to get him to change his mind. He wouldn't budge. I asked point blank if he was cheating and he said no. In fact, he proclaimed that he was offended that I would even ask such a question. A few days later he announced how unfair it was that he had to wait an entire year for a divorce. Still I suspected nothing. In fact I defended him when my mom suggested that he wanted a divorce faster because there was another woman. She said "I'd bet if you looked in his email you would see there's another woman." Just to prove her wrong, I checked out his gmail (he never logs out) and literally the first email was from some woman about their upcoming romantic getaway! I'm blown away, but at least it all makes sense now.

Any general advice from those who have found themselves in similar situations? I know adultery is hard to prove in VA but it might be worth the effort/cost to avoid having to pay spousal support.

Sorry that I don't have anything but a question, you might have to pay HIM spousal support?

You can't figure this out?

[Anonymous]

Print the emails. Print the phone records. Print the financial documents. Print everything that you can.

+1 Lawyer, Therapist, Childcare, Friends, Family advice.

Hugs and better to know now than later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've decided not to confront my DH until after I meet with a lawyer next week but I just can't keep the news in: My husband of 18 months and the father of our 8 month old daughter has been cheating on me since at least May! What is wrong with him?! Who does this?!

Last week DH told me he wanted a divorce, and implied that I wasn't a supportive wife. I begged, pleaded, and generally humiliated myself in trying to get him to change his mind. He wouldn't budge. I asked point blank if he was cheating and he said no. In fact, he proclaimed that he was offended that I would even ask such a question. A few days later he announced how unfair it was that he had to wait an entire year for a divorce. Still I suspected nothing. In fact I defended him when my mom suggested that he wanted a divorce faster because there was another woman. She said "I'd bet if you looked in his email you would see there's another woman." Just to prove her wrong, I checked out his gmail (he never logs out) and literally the first email was from some woman about their upcoming romantic getaway! I'm blown away, but at least it all makes sense now.

Any general advice from those who have found themselves in similar situations? I know adultery is hard to prove in VA but it might be worth the effort/cost to avoid having to pay spousal support.

Sorry that I don't have anything but a question, you might have to pay HIM spousal support?

You can't figure this out?

Yes, if you're potentially going to pay alimony to the cheater adultery is huge in Va. There's a law barring a cheating spouse from receiving spousal support. I am not this guy linked but he lays out the code and case law pretty well

http://www.jameshwilsonjr.com/?p=5

[Anonymous]

what a piece of shit, but look at the bright side, you are going to ditch this shit rag early in your marriage/Child's life. My parents got separated when I was 3 months old! I have absolutely ZERO and I mean ZERO problems with my parents being divorced. Both are remarried and that is how it has always been as long as I can remember. Them being separated is normal and fine for me, I can't imagine it the other way. I feel very bad for children who go through divorces later in life. I look at my own kids ages 6 & 10 and they would be DEVESTATED if our family broke apart. Such a different experience. SO, you are lucky you found out early and so is your child. Your child dodged a devastating bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've decided not to confront my DH until after I meet with a lawyer next week but I just can't keep the news in: My husband of 18 months and the father of our 8 month old daughter has been cheating on me since at least May! What is wrong with him?! Who does this?!

Last week DH told me he wanted a divorce, and implied that I wasn't a supportive wife. I begged, pleaded, and generally humiliated myself in trying to get him to change his mind. He wouldn't budge. I asked point blank if he was cheating and he said no. In fact, he proclaimed that he was offended that I would even ask such a question. A few days later he announced how unfair it was that he had to wait an entire year for a divorce. Still I suspected nothing. In fact I defended him when my mom suggested that he wanted a divorce faster because there was another woman. She said "I'd bet if you looked in his email you would see there's another woman." Just to prove her wrong, I checked out his gmail (he never logs out) and literally the first email was from some woman about their upcoming romantic getaway! I'm blown away, but at least it all makes sense now.

Any general advice from those who have found themselves in similar situations? I know adultery is hard to prove in VA but it might be worth the effort/cost to avoid having to pay spousal support.

Sorry that I don't have anything but a question, you might have to pay HIM spousal support?

You can't figure this out?

Yes, if you're potentially going to pay alimony to the cheater adultery is huge in Va. There's a law barring a cheating spouse from receiving spousal support. I am not this guy linked but he lays out the code and case law pretty well

http://www.jameshwilsonjr.com/?p=5

OP, DO NOT LOSE YOUR COOL OR TIP YOUR HAND!!!

If you could potentially pay him support, you HAVE and I mean HAVE to prove the adultery!!! I'd rather boil myself alive than pay some man alimony who cheated on me!

I can't even believe alimony is even something that still happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've decided not to confront my DH until after I meet with a lawyer next week but I just can't keep the news in: My husband of 18 months and the father of our 8 month old daughter has been cheating on me since at least May! What is wrong with him?! Who does this?!

Last week DH told me he wanted a divorce, and implied that I wasn't a supportive wife. I begged, pleaded, and generally humiliated myself in trying to get him to change his mind. He wouldn't budge. I asked point blank if he was cheating and he said no. In fact, he proclaimed that he was offended that I would even ask such a question. A few days later he announced how unfair it was that he had to wait an entire year for a divorce. Still I suspected nothing. In fact I defended him when my mom suggested that he wanted a divorce faster because there was another woman. She said "I'd bet if you looked in his email you would see there's another woman." Just to prove her wrong, I checked out his gmail (he never logs out) and literally the first email was from some woman about their upcoming romantic getaway! I'm blown away, but at least it all makes sense now.

Any general advice from those who have found themselves in similar situations? I know adultery is hard to prove in VA but it might be worth the effort/cost to avoid having to pay spousal support.

I have experience in proving this kind of thing in VA, though it really is almost pointless unless you would have to provide him spousal support.

In order to prove adultery, you need what is called, "clear and convincing," evidence of his cheating. This is below beyond a reasonable doubt, but the email you have is INSUFFICIENT. You will need to have a private investigator witness and photograph him in a romantic situation with his new partner. They will need to be holding hands, kissing, etc. Then the investigator needs to witness opportunity for them to have sex. This means witnessing them go into a home together and be alone for sufficient time to believe sex is likely. Expect this to cost somewhere around $2,500 to $5,000! What do you get for it? Almost nothing. You can file a fault divorce, which eliminates the 1-year waiting time, and maybe gets you a tiny bit in compensation. The BIGGEST THING YOU GET is to subtract any funds he spent on her (getaways, gifts, etc.) from marital assets for the calculating of assets to be split. In other words, if he spent $10,000 on her, you can claim $10,000 in assets. You could also use the proof as blackmail to get him to agree to terms he otherwise would not.

Now the FUN part. If you are into revenge, you can use the proof of adultery to your advantage! You can actually depose him and his new girlfriend and force them to testify. Because adultery is a crime in Virginia, he can plead the 5th amendment against self-incrimination, but her situation is a bit more questionable. It may be interpreted as crime only for him, not her, in this adulterous relationship. She may be compelled to testify. This can be used as a way to get him to sign off on things he would not otherwise. After all, it will be humiliating for her to go through this process.

In any case, expect the whole process related to adultery to cost $2,500 to $10,000 and the entire divorce to cost $50,000+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From my understanding in Virginia if there's adultery that can have a significant impact on spousal support. That said, it would be unlikely that this would be a consideration in a marriage of less than 2 years.

Hold your cards close until you talk to the lawyer.

In such a short marriage, there could be temporary spousal support. However, if he even makes $50,000 a year, she would have to make over $110,000 a year to pay even temporary spousal support to him. If her income is $100k and his is $50k, no support is even owed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've decided not to confront my DH until after I meet with a lawyer next week but I just can't keep the news in: My husband of 18 months and the father of our 8 month old daughter has been cheating on me since at least May! What is wrong with him?! Who does this?!

Last week DH told me he wanted a divorce, and implied that I wasn't a supportive wife. I begged, pleaded, and generally humiliated myself in trying to get him to change his mind. He wouldn't budge. I asked point blank if he was cheating and he said no. In fact, he proclaimed that he was offended that I would even ask such a question. A few days later he announced how unfair it was that he had to wait an entire year for a divorce. Still I suspected nothing. In fact I defended him when my mom suggested that he wanted a divorce faster because there was another woman. She said "I'd bet if you looked in his email you would see there's another woman." Just to prove her wrong, I checked out his gmail (he never logs out) and literally the first email was from some woman about their upcoming romantic getaway! I'm blown away, but at least it all makes sense now.

Any general advice from those who have found themselves in similar situations? I know adultery is hard to prove in VA but it might be worth the effort/cost to avoid having to pay spousal support.

I have experience in proving this kind of thing in VA, though it really is almost pointless unless you would have to provide him spousal support.

In order to prove adultery, you need what is called, "clear and convincing," evidence of his cheating. This is below beyond a reasonable doubt, but the email you have is INSUFFICIENT. You will need to have a private investigator witness and photograph him in a romantic situation with his new partner. They will need to be holding hands, kissing, etc. Then the investigator needs to witness opportunity for them to have sex. This means witnessing them go into a home together and be alone for sufficient time to believe sex is likely. Expect this to cost somewhere around $2,500 to $5,000! What do you get for it? Almost nothing. You can file a fault divorce, which eliminates the 1-year waiting time, and maybe gets you a tiny bit in compensation. The BIGGEST THING YOU GET is to subtract any funds he spent on her (getaways, gifts, etc.) from marital assets for the calculating of assets to be split. In other words, if he spent $10,000 on her, you can claim $10,000 in assets. You could also use the proof as blackmail to get him to agree to terms he otherwise would not.

Now the FUN part. If you are into revenge, you can use the proof of adultery to your advantage! You can actually depose him and his new girlfriend and force them to testify. Because adultery is a crime in Virginia, he can plead the 5th amendment against self-incrimination, but her situation is a bit more questionable. It may be interpreted as crime only for him, not her, in this adulterous relationship. She may be compelled to testify. This can be used as a way to get him to sign off on things he would not otherwise. After all, it will be humiliating for her to go through this process.

In any case, expect the whole process related to adultery to cost $2,500 to $10,000 and the entire divorce to cost $50,000+

OMG, I love this.

I'm a the high wage earner (female) and it would be worth the money in my case if it came to it. I'd go for about absolute blood bath if I were in the OPs shoes.