Dropping DC off at college -- one of the hardest days ever

[Anonymous]

Like many of you, I encouraged my son (only child) to do well in high school, do well on the SATs, write a good essay for the Common App and prepare for college. He was very fortunate. He got into all 11 schools he applied to.

Then came this week when he was happy, anxious, thrilled and scared of going to college. Then on Thursday came drop off day. Although he hasn't started classes, he is totally in love with the school.

We drove to school with his stuff. Moved his stuff into the dorm. Then time for goodbyes. So incredibly difficult. When we left he was off to lunch with new friends.

My house has never been so empty. I am puffy from crying. I am so happy for my son and that he likes where he is. But what a profound sense of sadness that he is away.

I realize that all the work he did in high school was in preparation for college and intellectually I knew he was going away. But the actual going-away part is so hard.

Our relationship has changed forever, but he is a good kid and though it doesn't feel like it now, he will come home again. And he will grow and mature and become his own person.

I know this gets better for parents over time, but it was a swift punch in the gut to drive away.

For now, I have lots of Kleenex.

I wish all of you good luck when the drop off day comes.

[Anonymous]

Your first or your only?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP-I feel for you. My oldest is 13 and when I think about it, I break down. I think I will need sedation once the day comes. Hang in there. You did all of this so that he could be independent; otherwise he'd live in your basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP-I feel for you. My oldest is 13 and when I think about it, I break down. I think I will need sedation once the day comes. Hang in there. You did all of this so that he could be independent; otherwise he'd live in your basement.

I'm confused. Will your kid be living in your basement?

[Anonymous]

About to drop DC at boarding school for 9th grade next week. DC's choice not mine, but DC is now nervous and second guessing the decision and I feel that I have to stay upbeat and reassuring, including because this is always reversible (if boarding school is dreadful DC can just go elsewhere next semester or year) and I don't want DC to have regrets about not trying it. But ... It sure is hard. Seems exactly like packing for college. I hope the college goodbye will be easier now.

[Anonymous]

OP here. DC is my first and only child. He is living in his dorm and definitely is not in my basement.

[Anonymous]

Hugs to you. I was an only. When my parents dropped me off at school two states away, they showed no emotion. 20 years later I learned my mother cried for days. I wish I had known back then. I was sad too but didn't want my mom to know bc she seemed so tough. Be open with your child. Your feelings are normal and healthy.

[Anonymous]

OP, I dropped my son off on Tuesday, 6 hours away. Lovely school, great fit for him, just the right place.

I feel so happy, and so sad.

Big hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Lol. My only left for OOS two years ago. Heads up, they do not come back. Summer's are for internships and breaks are for vacations with SO's in sunny locales. Start skypeing on a regular basis and it will feel like they never left home.

[Anonymous]

I must be tired. Sorry about the apostrophes.

[Anonymous]

It's hard, OP. I've done it four times and it hasn't gotten any easier. It does get better. Life returns to a weird new kind of normal. And they do come home. Those are the best days!!! Be very gentle with yourself for a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol. My only left for OOS two years ago. Heads up, they do not come back. Summer's are for internships and breaks are for vacations with SO's in sunny locales. Start skypeing on a regular basis and it will feel like they never left home.

I think your kid is the exception, not the rule. While those who can afford to typically go away with friends instead of coming home over spring break, every college kid I know comes home for most, if not all, of Christmas break (which is typically at least a few weeks long in college) & the vast majority live at home for at least the first summer or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol. My only left for OOS two years ago. Heads up, they do not come back. Summer's are for internships and breaks are for vacations with SO's in sunny locales. Start skypeing on a regular basis and it will feel like they never left home.

The Skype suggestion is a good idea! DC leaves next year, and I think I'll start mentioning it now as a 'by the way' suggestion to humor old mom. Though I still treasure the decade old letters from camp (mandatory at camp), I think I'd prefer Skype to get a visual now and then.

[Anonymous]

My DC has informed me that you need to FaceTime now, not Skype. Skype is apparently passé.

[Anonymous]

Mine came back. All is not lost and it's not terrible that he's home.

He graduated in May with a BS in Comp. Sci. The good news is that he got a job that pays $65K. He asked if he could live at home to save up some money. I said of course.

He pays us a nominal amount of rent and he's back in his room. He goes to work every day, is fully funding his 401K and his HSA. We paid for college so he has no loans and I think if he stays with us for a year or two, he'll be well on his way to having a nice savings for either grad school or a down payment and we've taught him how to put it away for retirement. Although at 22, he looks at us like we're crazy to be talking to him about when he's 60.