I'm Just Back From A Date & I Feel Horrible.

[Anonymous]

My coworker & bff set me up with a friend of hers. She talked him up really well and when I saw his pictures I thought he was very attractive. Think famous model levels of attraction. I asked her about him if he was single etc and if he'd like a date. So she set us up. We talked on the phone and texted before meeting. In person he looked a little different from the pictures. He was chunkier. Kind of a dad bod but a little more chunk. He was also wearing glasses. Nothing against glasses in general but these were big and thick. He said his contacts were bothering him so he had to wear the glasses. I was also later bothered by his clothes he was wearing a superman t-shirt under his button down I only found that out because he gave me his other shirt because I was cold. It's petty, but we're both 32 and graphic tees seem immature to me. As horrible as it sounds I lost some of my attraction to him at first sight, but he was a really great date. A gentleman, shy, and sweet and funny.
I thought I should give him another chance, so we went out 3 more times including tonight. I still wasn't feeling it tonight. He asked me about a 5th date and I told him I thought we'd better as friends. I wasn't feeling the chemistry with him . The chemistry thing was true I didn't enjoy kissing him. I was being honest about being his friend too, he's a really nice guy I just don't feel it with him.
I'm feeling bad though because i could tell he was clearly hurt when I told him even though he tried to play it off like it wasn't a big deal.

I'm also thinking that maybe I'm an idiot because I'm not getting any younger and if I want to get married I need to be a little bit more open. I did give us a chance. I still feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so if you are not attracted to him, that is fine. You shouldn't feel bad about that. You didn't click and you shouldn't string him along.

But the little red flag to me is your annoyance at his tshirt. Do you think maybe your expectations may be too high in general? If little stuff like that annoys you, wait until you're married 5 years and you realize your husband has been wearing the same frumpy mismatched polo and pants and he's gained 20 pounds and he comes home one day and says "the doctor told me I'm color blind today!" which ends up explaining a lot.

So that is what marriage is but you at least need to be attracted to someone initially to put up with that for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Don't be too hard on yourself OP.

You actually did EVERYTHING right here.

You kept an open mind on things even though there was no physical attraction initially.

You gave him a chance, but didn't lead him on.

And you let him know directly that the chemistry just wasn't there in a kind & truthful matter.

Sure, he may be disappointed since it appears that he liked you a lot more, but he will be fine.

This happens in dating.
A risk always exists.

[Anonymous]

It is ok that you didn't feel this guy was for you or feel chemistry with him. Your post does indicate excessive focus on physical appearance though - how his picture was model attractive, but in real life he had dad bod and glasses etc. Maybe try to think about whether your expectations are a bit high.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I am too focused on looks. I tend to be attracted to guys with a certain style. I have dated outside my type before.

I was just expecting one thing with this guy and got a slightly different version. I did try though. I feel bad because he was so nice and he can't help how he looks.
I kind of wish I had been able to find away to be attracted to him.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad because he was so nice and he can't help how he looks.

Don't feel bad, he'll move on and find someone else. Such is life.

[Anonymous]

Dad bod, glasses, and a Superman T-shirt? Would you say he was mild-mannered? A reporter by chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad bod, glasses, and a Superman T-shirt? Would you say he was mild-mannered? A reporter by chance?

Haha, I was thinking the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad bod, glasses, and a Superman T-shirt? Would you say he was mild-mannered? A reporter by chance?

Haha, I was thinking the same thing.

Lol. He's actually a scientist. Thanks for making me laugh though I needed it.

[Anonymous]

Speaking as a guy, I think you did the right thing. It's only to bad it took that many dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad bod, glasses, and a Superman T-shirt? Would you say he was mild-mannered? A reporter by chance?

Haha, I was thinking the same thing.

I was, too! I almost thought you were making a farce thread.

Op, my dh is 36 and wears graphic tees. He loves comic books. He's wonderful and imperfect and he's an amazing husband and father.

Obviously physical attraction is important, but I think it's important that you sit down and think about what you really want in a future spouse. You shouldn't settle just because your age, but don't become Jerry Seinfeld--knocking of significant others because of really insignificant things.

[Anonymous]

You are way too focused on looks. A decade and a few kids in, that just doesn't matter at all. Kindness, responsibility, etc matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are way too focused on looks. A decade and a few kids in, that just doesn't matter at all. Kindness, responsibility, etc matter.

+1. Make sure you are screening potential husbands for the things that really matter in a husband. T shirts and glasses are not those things. It's fine to pass on someone you are not attracted to, but take a look at your past history and see what kind of guys you tend to be attracted to. If it's usually hot bodies who are also jerks, you have a real problem and should get some therapy to figure out why you put so much more emphasis of looks than on personality or character. Otherwise, your hot, jerky ex-husband will be a pain in your ass in a few years while you are a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he is Clark Kent and Superman.

[Anonymous]

Okay, why do you feel horrible? This is such a mundane string of events. This is going to happen over and over in your life until you meet the right person.