I'm Just Back From A Date & I Feel Horrible.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're shallow. Attraction is important, but yours is clearly based only on looks. Think about that.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm sorry that this thread may have simply reinforced your feeling that you should feel differently than you do.

You're not attracted to the guy. End of story. The people carrying on about how shallow you are are the same type of people who marry someone they *think* they should have (because of time, biological clock, a bird in the hand, fear of being single, yada yada) and then end up either posting or being described in threads about sexless marriages.

Keep dating, and keep being open minded but knowing your limit. When you're in the right place to appreciate the right person, you won't need DCUM to tell you how you should feel.

[Anonymous]

You're not into him. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're shallow. Attraction is important, but yours is clearly based only on looks. Think about that.

Looks are important. I don't date women that I find unattractive. Why would you?

[Anonymous]

Chemistry is important. It's either there or it's not.

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad that I found the DCUM forums many moons ago. The 5% of my portfolio that I set aside for "gambling" is chock-full of Purina and Franzia.

[Anonymous]

if there was more chemistry, the t-shirt wouldn't have mattered. Be ok with your decision and move on. Everyone has to put up with stuff, because no one is perfect, but if there's no chemistry at first, you can't fake that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, it's you...not him.

Only you know what's best for you. You can't help it if you aren't attracted to him.

Having said that, you are 32. Chances are you will be dating men who are 32 or older. That means you are left with those who haven't paired off yet or those who have divorced. You need to adjust your expectations.

I have friends like you. They are only attracted to guys who look young and hot. Guess what? They are now in their 40s and single...and will likely never marry. They've passed on great guys with glasses, dad bods and thinning hair in their 30s, and now they are left dating guys pushing 50...who have gray hair, thinking hair, dad bods and glasses. Only these guys have been divorced or never married (and have some real issues...not cosmetic ones).

It's your right to be choosey...but I would suggest being choosey on issues that really matter.

+1 So true!!!

[Anonymous]

You're not attracted to the guy. End of story. The people carrying on about how shallow you are are the same type of people who marry someone they *think* they should have (because of time, biological clock, a bird in the hand, fear of being single, yada yada) and then end up either posting or being described in threads about sexless marriages.

Obviously there has to be some balancing of look vs. other factors, and people are telling her to be careful not to swing too far in the direction of looks. My ex husband was very attractive and lots of chemistry, but he was self centered and not really a caring guy. My husband now is less physically attractive than the ex, but a much better person, and so my attraction to him has lasted vs. ending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're shallow. Attraction is important, but yours is clearly based only on looks. Think about that.

Looks are important. I don't date women that I find unattractive. Why would you?

I wouldn't base it solely on a t-shirt and glasses. That appeared to be the focus.
Perhaps you're shallow as well? Nobody said attraction was unimportant, but there should be more to it than JUST looks. Those will fade. For everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You're not attracted to the guy. End of story. The people carrying on about how shallow you are are the same type of people who marry someone they *think* they should have (because of time, biological clock, a bird in the hand, fear of being single, yada yada) and then end up either posting or being described in threads about sexless marriages.

Obviously there has to be some balancing of look vs. other factors, and people are telling her to be careful not to swing too far in the direction of looks. My ex husband was very attractive and lots of chemistry, but he was self centered and not really a caring guy. My husband now is less physically attractive than the ex, but a much better person, and so my attraction to him has lasted vs. ending.

She went on five dates with the guy so obviously his looks didn't put her off that much. There's just no chemistry.