Hurting inside

[Anonymous]

Have a rising college freshman DC who has been diagnosed with MDD; took medication for 2 months, went to therapy for 3 months or so and then stopped. DC has been in the room all the time talking to online friends (sometime all night long), watching Netflix etc. DC also has stopped eating dinner with family and gets annoyed if anyone wants to talk.

DC would go to college in 2 weeks; I have so much I want to say and (s)he is refusing to have any conversation - I am hurting deeply and do not know how to handle this. Anyone has gone through this before please?

[Anonymous]

Why isn't she taking medication anymore?

[Anonymous]

I think this is really concerning and you should call the therapist. I wouldn't send her to college if she can't be civil. I assume you are paying? She doesn't sound ready to be on her own. If you send her, I would give the residence hall coordinator and the counseling center a heads up to keep an eye on her. She has a right to privacy, so they won't tell you much, but you can tell them whatever you want. They don't want her to not be successful. Make sure the roommate has your phone number. Get hers, if you can. I told my kid and her roommate I wanted to exchange numbers just for emergencies and I would never call to text the roommate otherwise and the other mom was delighted and said the same. They wanted us to leave so they agreed!

[Anonymous]

She absolutely cannot go away if she is in the middle of mdd episode. I would start making arrangements to defer at least a semester. Get her back on meds asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She absolutely cannot go away if she is in the middle of mdd episode. I would start making arrangements to defer at least a semester. Get her back on meds asap.

This.

I was a former RA. Colleges have improved their mental health services, but the dorm staff are really underprepared to identify students who need help and intervene.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you are going through this.

While many teens pull away before leaving, this sounds like she still has symptoms of MDD.
Can you call her psychiatrist and therapist? I would be very concerned about her leaving right now, without medication, therapy, or a plan.
First year away can be really tough for kids with mental health issues.

Please do get help for her now, and support for yourself. This is not easy.

[Anonymous]

Cut off the wifi until she comes out of her room and goes to psychiatry and therapy appointments.

[Anonymous]

She is 18 - she decided that the therapist is not helping her and is basically talking like another parents. Also decided that taking medication for a long time will have adverse side effect. I have tried to reason with her - but the therapist and psychiatrist say I cannot do anything unless she agrees.

She does not want to defer and ready to get away from home. Yes, I can take away the WiFi and not pay for college - however that is just threatening her to submission. Taking away WiFi in the past has not helped, has resulted in resentment and power struggle in the long run.

I am extremely concerned. She has said she would seek therapy in college - but cannot say how good that would be and whether she would commit to that. We are just exhausted by finding out this pretty late (when she is about to turn 18) - very conflicted with every decision and just sad beyond explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is 18 - she decided that the therapist is not helping her and is basically talking like another parents. Also decided that taking medication for a long time will have adverse side effect. I have tried to reason with her - but the therapist and psychiatrist say I cannot do anything unless she agrees.

She does not want to defer and ready to get away from home. Yes, I can take away the WiFi and not pay for college - however that is just threatening her to submission. Taking away WiFi in the past has not helped, has resulted in resentment and power struggle in the long run.

I am extremely concerned. She has said she would seek therapy in college - but cannot say how good that would be and whether she would commit to that. We are just exhausted by finding out this pretty late (when she is about to turn 18) - very conflicted with every decision and just sad beyond explanation.

Can you go into group therapy? And help problem solve to come up with solutions together?

[Anonymous]

As someone who has gone through MDD. She probably feels that you cannot relate to her or wouldn't understand. What led her down this path to begin with? How have you problem solved issues before? She probably feels taking meds is weak. It took me a long time to accept that I needed to be on meds and I'm really old. But I didn't have issues as a Teen. I had PPD and after cancer I had MDD. She needs some assurance that you will not judge her. If there is a way she can talk during group therapy that may help in understanding. She may not be making any sense at all though when she is going through a crisis. I would not send her off to college unless you have a plan on how to deal with her MDD.

[Anonymous]

I would make an appointment with a psychiatrsit asap. Some psychiatrists also provide therapy. Try Fairfax Child and Family Counselling group. Letting her move away in her current state without any plan is a recipe for disaster. She just wants to get away from the parents right now. She is in no state to actively seek mental health services at college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make an appointment with a psychiatrsit asap. Some psychiatrists also provide therapy. Try Fairfax Child and Family Counselling group. Letting her move away in her current state without any plan is a recipe for disaster. She just wants to get away from the parents right now. She is in no state to actively seek mental health services at college.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make an appointment with a psychiatrsit asap. Some psychiatrists also provide therapy. Try Fairfax Child and Family Counselling group. Letting her move away in her current state without any plan is a recipe for disaster. She just wants to get away from the parents right now. She is in no state to actively seek mental health services at college.

+1

This is good advice and the best course of action, but if she is 18 the problem will be getting her to go to the appointment. OP is going to have to settle that first.

[Anonymous]

No appointment, no college - that should be easy enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who has gone through MDD. She probably feels that you cannot relate to her or wouldn't understand. What led her down this path to begin with? How have you problem solved issues before? She probably feels taking meds is weak. It took me a long time to accept that I needed to be on meds and I'm really old. But I didn't have issues as a Teen. I had PPD and after cancer I had MDD. She needs some assurance that you will not judge her. If there is a way she can talk during group therapy that may help in understanding. She may not be making any sense at all though when she is going through a crisis. I would not send her off to college unless you have a plan on how to deal with her MDD.

.

There are a lot of things that has led to this:

- we have family history of undiagnosed depression and anxiety
- she was in high pressured schools and has been performing just average academically without putting much effort. Our disapproval of her lack of academical achievement has affected her self worth. She has blamed her poor performances on our parenting methods.
- she has not played in any team in school and has not made any friend in school. She has felt anxious around people and has lost friends she had from MS
- she has been focused on online frineds for quite sometime
- she is the first born in the family and as a result there was a lot of stress during college application process

Since she blames a lot of the issues on us, she is not interested in group/family therapy. We love her a lot and have been trying to make a lot of adjustments to accomodate the new situation. However she has been extremely uncooperative and unpleasant.

i am not sure forcing her to defer college would work. We are worried that she wuld leave home and that would expose her to risks outside the home without anyone to have her back. Very sad with the turn of events. Our family life is completely shattered and there is no structures. We feel like going through hell right now and see no light.

Looking for someone who has gone through similiar situations and has recovered from it. Please tell me this is going to be okay. Cannot stop crying - cannot tell any of my real life friend.