Hurting inside

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP but I really wouldn't send her away to college like this. She won't be able to enjoy it and take advantage of all the opportunities college has to offer when she isn't healthy. She already seems fairly isolated and that could potentially get even worse sending her away from home for the first time. Freshman year is challenging for even healthy kids. I don't think any psychiatrist is going to recommend sending her to college in this state.

Op Here - thank you for your response. Not sending her to college is a major issue. She is totally against the idea and if we force I am afraid she might leave home which would put her at the same risk of drugs and alcohol. In the college, at least there would be dorm-mate, RA and a college Eco-system. Yes, it is expensive and I am scared as hell to let her go in this condition, but I do not think in her case it would help to keep her at home against her will.

I seriously do not mean to sound harsh so I apologize in advance, BUT: maybe leaving home IS what she needs? maybe she needs to get out of her/your environment?

[Anonymous]

OP, I sincerely hope for the best for your and your family. With that said, I feel the need to be a dissenter here.
I think going off to college may be what she needs. A big change of pace and scenery, plus the chance to be more independent could be something that motivates her. Of course the risk is that the transition goes poorly and that a good deal of money is on the table. Still I don't think the alternative of seeking treatment at home while otherwise twiddling her thumbs is very good either. I could see that making her very upset and as though she did something herself that threw her off track, when really the situation is not her fault. Fortunately, college living would surround her with many people. There are roommates/suitemates/folks down the hall, RAs, classmates and more. Schools seem to be putting a lot of resources into counseling services. There is a push, at least in the conversations I have had with my DD who is in college, that there is a fair amount of help to make the transition to college.
I also say this based on my personal experience. My mental health in the months before heading off to college was at a very low point —perhaps the lowest ever. The complete change of pace (even though I didn't actually have a fantastic college experience), and ability to be independent were what allowed me to move forward. I could control my path more than I could in the past, and it was empowering. Again, I wish your family the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No appointment, no college - that should be easy enough.

Not easy. I can promise you she's not going to go along with this. She'll just leave home.

PP again.

It sounds like she hasn't been listened to for a long time and now her feelings are just being brushed under the this is your mental illness talking umbrella.

OP here... what we thought as laziness and just teen behavior turned to be very serious mental health issue. its not true that she was not listen to - we did not know there was an issue. She is extremely smart and hid all thr turmoil inside until it boiled over. We are reay to walk the hard path with her, but she is clamed up. i know it is hard to undersand unless you have gone through with this. However I am looking for other parents who can provide. experienced advice.

Have you thought about or considered some sort of family therapy. Maybe if it is framed so that you recognize that you all need help, it won't seem like her against the world. If she will not do that, I think you should seek out a some sort of therapist for you, sort of a coach that will help you figure this out.

I do think pulling away from parents is normal, but the extreme nature coupled with depression is scary.