Disciplining other kids at the park

[Anonymous]

I know there are so many different opinions here, but would love to know if others think I was in the wrong.

I was at the park with DD (3.5) for an hour this morning before taking her to a class. She was playing in the sand box with other kids, and a boy came up to her who was around the same age and started pulling her hair. My DD asked him to stop and moved away. She came over to me and was upset because she didn't like it, so I helped her find a new spot to play away from this boy, and then I sat closer by to keep an eye on things. Well, a few minutes later the boy came over again and grabbed DD's hair. She started crying and so I got up and went over to him and asked him to stop. He didn't and was really pulling hard so I grabbed his arm (gently) and opened his fingers so he would stop pulling her hair. Then I said to him sternly - we don't pull other people's hair, it's not nice and it hurts. I guess this caused a commotion, probably because my DD was crying so loudly, and the boy ran over to him mom and said I was being mean to him. So then the mom gets up (she was on her phone the entire time so she didn't see what happened - no judgement since I am often on my phone too but I do try to keep an eye on things too) and starts yelling at me to mind my own business and that I shouldn't intervene because kids need to learn how to work things out on their own. While I agree to a certain extent, I draw the line when someone is physically hurting my child. I calmly explained what was going on - and another mom jumped in to corroborate my story - and the bully's mom just kept giving me attitude and said if my child is so sensitive maybe she shouldn't be playing in the park around other kids who might touch her. I mean, really?

DD and I had to leave anyway so it's over, but curious what would others have done here? Hope we don't see them again anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

She's an idiot. You did the right thing

[Anonymous]

The other mom was a twit but you'll never fix people like that. You did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Would have done the same thing. OP you were not wrong here.

[Anonymous]

WTF. That mom is crazy.

[Anonymous]

I probably would have said "please don't pull her hair" but overall I think you are fine. You have to protect your kid after all.

[Anonymous]

Removing the child's hands - fine. Giving him a lecture - you're opening yourself up to be criticized in kind. Like it or not, we don't discipline other people's children in this culture, although of course you need to do what you need to do to help your own child in the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I probably would have said "please don't pull her hair" but overall I think you are fine. You have to protect your kid after all.

I would not have said please. F that.

I say please when it's something like, "please pass the grey poupon"

[Anonymous]

I would've done exactly what you did. If a child is hurting your child, you step in and stop them from causing further harm. They weren't fighting over a toy or who sat in what spot first.

There was a 3 or 4 year old throwing mulch in the face of my 6 year old at the park a few weeks ago. My 6 yo told him to stop, but he kept doing it. So I looked him dead in the eye and said, We don't throw things at people. He backed off, but 2 minutes later had another fistful of mulch and was ready to aim at another kid. I looked at him and said "Don't throw mulch. That's not acceptable."

I was prepared to do battle with the parent if they got ticked off, but luckily when the mom appeared a few minutes later she didn't mind. I was also prepared to tell a parent off for not supervising closely enough, but she was super-duper pregnant, and waddling back up from the port-a-potty, so I gave her a pass

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Removing the child's hands - fine. Giving him a lecture - you're opening yourself up to be criticized in kind. Like it or not, we don't discipline other people's children in this culture, although of course you need to do what you need to do to help your own child in the moment.

Maybe in your culture, whatever that is. But in every social circle I've belonged to (my children are ages 4, 8, and 12), we have always disciplined each other's children in situations such as the OP described. No spanking, of course, but certainly a firm reprimand and, if necessary, removal of hands (or of the child) from the situation.

You can choose to let this sort of behavior go on, or you can choose to not to do anything. Think about the example you are setting your children.

[Anonymous]

I would have said something the first time he pulled my kids hair. Also would have physically intervened if it still continued.

[Anonymous]

You did nothing wrong. Thanks to that dumb mother, her son is now a bully in training. He pulled a girl's hair, not once but twice, requiring an adult to step in a literally pry his fingers off her hair. And when the mother of the boy finds out about what her kid did, instead of scolding him and making him apologize to the little girl, this mother yells at the adult for stepping in. Nice.

Keep listening to your instincts, Op. You were in the right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have said something the first time he pulled my kids hair. Also would have physically intervened if it still continued.

I would have stepped in and asked "Where is your parent?" If he didn't answer me, I would have said loudly "This little boy is being mean. Please come and get him."

[Anonymous]

You are not in the wrong.

But I would stop at grabbing his hand and lecturing the other kid. What is lost in your narrative is the tone you used, body language etc. You should have simply moved your kid and stayed with her and pointedly looked around for the other parent.

[Anonymous]

You did nothing wrong. I wouldn't really call it disciplining another kid's child. That is taboo. You were protecting your child who was being physically hurt by another child.