Disciplining other kids at the park

[Anonymous]

Where did OP tattle? The boy tattled.

OP I don't see anything wrong with this. It wasn't a lecture and you weren't trying to get him in trouble, unless you were. Don't know all those details.

[Anonymous]

There are two totally different incidents being discussed, OP and another poster who lectured a mom at an amusement park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would've done exactly what you did. If a child is hurting your child, you step in and stop them from causing further harm. They weren't fighting over a toy or who sat in what spot first.

There was a 3 or 4 year old throwing mulch in the face of my 6 year old at the park a few weeks ago. My 6 yo told him to stop, but he kept doing it. So I looked him dead in the eye and said, We don't throw things at people. He backed off, but 2 minutes later had another fistful of mulch and was ready to aim at another kid. I looked at him and said "Don't throw mulch. That's not acceptable."

I was prepared to do battle with the parent if they got ticked off, but luckily when the mom appeared a few minutes later she didn't mind. I was also prepared to tell a parent off for not supervising closely enough, but she was super-duper pregnant, and waddling back up from the port-a-potty, so I gave her a pass

You should have told your kid to move.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Realize that if you put your hands on another kid, you are subjecting yourself to lawsuits and arrest.

Nope. Not when defending another.

+1 OP said she only grabbed his hand to get the little boy to physically let go of her daughter's hair. Contact in that case was unavoidable. OP did the right thing. I would have done the same - I'm not going to stand there and watch some little a-hole hurt my kid.

I'm sorry this mom was nutty. She obviously wasn't paying attention - or worse - even if she did see what happened some people still might react crazily. You did what you had to do OP. Don't feel bad about it.

This. And if the bully kid did not let go of my child's hair I would have quickly squeezed his hand very hard to do so. When another is hurting my child especially a second time I will do whatever is necessary to help her.

Wow, ok. You definitely would deserve to be yelled at in that case.

Np here. Bring on the yelling then.

bring on the assault charges too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Realize that if you put your hands on another kid, you are subjecting yourself to lawsuits and arrest.

Nope. Not when defending another.

+1 OP said she only grabbed his hand to get the little boy to physically let go of her daughter's hair. Contact in that case was unavoidable. OP did the right thing. I would have done the same - I'm not going to stand there and watch some little a-hole hurt my kid.

I'm sorry this mom was nutty. She obviously wasn't paying attention - or worse - even if she did see what happened some people still might react crazily. You did what you had to do OP. Don't feel bad about it.

This. And if the bully kid did not let go of my child's hair I would have quickly squeezed his hand very hard to do so. When another is hurting my child especially a second time I will do whatever is necessary to help her.

Wow, ok. You definitely would deserve to be yelled at in that case.

Np here. Bring on the yelling then.

bring on the assault charges too?

Again, it's not assault when you're defending someone against an aggressor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Realize that if you put your hands on another kid, you are subjecting yourself to lawsuits and arrest.

Nope. Not when defending another.

+1 OP said she only grabbed his hand to get the little boy to physically let go of her daughter's hair. Contact in that case was unavoidable. OP did the right thing. I would have done the same - I'm not going to stand there and watch some little a-hole hurt my kid.

I'm sorry this mom was nutty. She obviously wasn't paying attention - or worse - even if she did see what happened some people still might react crazily. You did what you had to do OP. Don't feel bad about it.

This. And if the bully kid did not let go of my child's hair I would have quickly squeezed his hand very hard to do so. When another is hurting my child especially a second time I will do whatever is necessary to help her.

Wow, ok. You definitely would deserve to be yelled at in that case.

Np here. Bring on the yelling then.

bring on the assault charges too?

Again, it's not assault when you're defending someone against an aggressor.

She clearly described purposefully using more force than necessary to remove the kid's hand,in order to hurt the child.

[Anonymous]

You were in the right and it's nice there was a witness who could corroborate your statement. That poor child doesn't know right from wrong with that kind of mother.

Now please try to avoid touching another child, especially if it's a contentious situation - it's so easy to be accused of assault in this country!
I see you had to it here, and I've had to do it too, but it's fraught with risk.

[Anonymous]

I'd have gotten his hands off my kid the first time he did it, and pointed out to the other mom that maybe if she taught her kid right from wrong and controlled him when he was PHYSICALLY ATTACKING another kid, then I wouldn't HAVE to get involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are two totally different incidents being discussed, OP and another poster who lectured a mom at an amusement park.

Yes, I'm the PP that had the amusement park thing, but I really didn't lecture her. There are signs all over that say "Don't X." She did X and it hurt me and my daughter. I looked at her and said "No X allowed!" She said "It's not my fault" and started insisting that the equipment just does X. I said "That's because you didn't Y. In order to not do X, you need to Y." (The ride operators should really explain this, but they don't.) She kept yelling at me that it was not her fault, and was the fault of the equipment. Her husband actually apologized, and I said "It's okay -- just be sure to do Y so that you don't do X." I'm not sure she heard that because she was still yelling at me. When we got off the ride, I told the teen operator that the person behind me did X and could she please show her how to use the equipment to avoid doing X. We had just ridden that ride several times, and I was concerned that if my daughter wanted to ride it again, we'd end up with the same situation. (Also, I didn't want someone else to get hurt. I don't generally want to mind my own business if it means that a child is going to get hurt.) My child wanted to do something else, so we walked to another ride. That woman came running across the park to the other ride, dragging her poor 8-year old along, to yell at me to chill out and just enjoy the park, and why was I trying to get her in trouble. The husband was trying to look like he didn't know her, and the kid was just staring at the ground. I explained that what she did hurt, and that I wasn't trying to get her into trouble, but just wanted the ride operator to explain how to operate the equipment so she wouldn't hurt anyone else. But she kept yelling at me that I needed to chill out and just have a good time. (As if following the rules and respecting people around you is inconsistent with having a good time.)

I'm a lawyer and I occasionally run into this personality type...people who just cannot ever admit that they made a mistake and whose M.O. is to attack rather than just say a simple "Sorry about that!" These are the same people that bring ridiculous lawsuits (like the burglar that tried to sue the people he was burgling, because he fell through their skylight and broke his leg). Or the people that are four months behind on their rent payments but want to sue their landlord because he didn't fix a broken cabinet door. It's probably some kind of recognized personality disorder, but I don't know what it is. Some people are just going to yell at you if they are in the wrong. That's life.

[Anonymous]

Out of curiosity, is there a reason why you're not actually describing the incident, and using X's and Y's?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are two totally different incidents being discussed, OP and another poster who lectured a mom at an amusement park.

Yes, I'm the PP that had the amusement park thing, but I really didn't lecture her. There are signs all over that say "Don't X." She did X and it hurt me and my daughter. I looked at her and said "No X allowed!" She said "It's not my fault" and started insisting that the equipment just does X. I said "That's because you didn't Y. In order to not do X, you need to Y." (The ride operators should really explain this, but they don't.) She kept yelling at me that it was not her fault, and was the fault of the equipment. Her husband actually apologized, and I said "It's okay -- just be sure to do Y so that you don't do X." I'm not sure she heard that because she was still yelling at me. When we got off the ride, I told the teen operator that the person behind me did X and could she please show her how to use the equipment to avoid doing X. We had just ridden that ride several times, and I was concerned that if my daughter wanted to ride it again, we'd end up with the same situation. (Also, I didn't want someone else to get hurt. I don't generally want to mind my own business if it means that a child is going to get hurt.) My child wanted to do something else, so we walked to another ride. That woman came running across the park to the other ride, dragging her poor 8-year old along, to yell at me to chill out and just enjoy the park, and why was I trying to get her in trouble. The husband was trying to look like he didn't know her, and the kid was just staring at the ground. I explained that what she did hurt, and that I wasn't trying to get her into trouble, but just wanted the ride operator to explain how to operate the equipment so she wouldn't hurt anyone else. But she kept yelling at me that I needed to chill out and just have a good time. (As if following the rules and respecting people around you is inconsistent with having a good time.)

I'm a lawyer and I occasionally run into this personality type...people who just cannot ever admit that they made a mistake and whose M.O. is to attack rather than just say a simple "Sorry about that!" These are the same people that bring ridiculous lawsuits (like the burglar that tried to sue the people he was burgling, because he fell through their skylight and broke his leg). Or the people that are four months behind on their rent payments but want to sue their landlord because he didn't fix a broken cabinet door. It's probably some kind of recognized personality disorder, but I don't know what it is. Some people are just going to yell at you if they are in the wrong. That's life.

OMG, you did nothing wrong. She should have just left you the hell alone - she was just mad that you asked the ride operator to explain how to use the ride. I would have done the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Removing the child's hands - fine. Giving him a lecture - you're opening yourself up to be criticized in kind. Like it or not, we don't discipline other people's children in this culture, although of course you need to do what you need to do to help your own child in the moment.

Maybe in your culture, whatever that is. But in every social circle I've belonged to (my children are ages 4, 8, and 12), we have always disciplined each other's children in situations such as the OP described. No spanking, of course, but certainly a firm reprimand and, if necessary, removal of hands (or of the child) from the situation.

You can choose to let this sort of behavior go on, or you can choose to not to do anything. Think about the example you are setting your children.

Very different to discipline a stranger's child in the park, vs your friend's child (when you know your friend is ok with it). Not saying that OP did something totally crazy; just that she crossed a boundary, and had her boundaries crossed in return.

PP here--by social circle, I also meant neighborhood playgrounds, where I have disciplined young children whom I did not know. I don't think that OP crossed a boundary. I think that OP behaved in a rational manner that, frankly, I think more parents need to adopt. We have lost a strong sense of the village.

You're not part of my villiage. Lecture or yell at my kid in a way I don't like, then you might get yelled at in return. That's just the way it is. Of course you need to physically protect your children. But if you feel you have the right to correct other children, then you are stepping into the dynamic where you yourself might get corrected. If you don't want to get corrected, then MYOB.

Did you not read the post? She was minding her own business by making sure that her daughter was not assaulted at the park. Being in a public place does not give your snowflake the right to beat up other kids. What should she have done? Said hey sweetie, too bad that boy keeps hurting you but I can't possibly risk offending his psycho mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Realize that if you put your hands on another kid, you are subjecting yourself to lawsuits and arrest.

Nope. Not when defending another.

+1 OP said she only grabbed his hand to get the little boy to physically let go of her daughter's hair. Contact in that case was unavoidable. OP did the right thing. I would have done the same - I'm not going to stand there and watch some little a-hole hurt my kid.

I'm sorry this mom was nutty. She obviously wasn't paying attention - or worse - even if she did see what happened some people still might react crazily. You did what you had to do OP. Don't feel bad about it.

This. And if the bully kid did not let go of my child's hair I would have quickly squeezed his hand very hard to do so. When another is hurting my child especially a second time I will do whatever is necessary to help her.

Wow, ok. You definitely would deserve to be yelled at in that case.

Np here. Bring on the yelling then.

bring on the assault charges too?

Again, it's not assault when you're defending someone against an aggressor.

She clearly described purposefully using **more force than necessary** to remove the kid's hand,in order to hurt the child.

That's not how I read it.

[Anonymous]

Well, initially I thought it would be easier than describing the ride, but with all the explanation, it didn't turn out that way.

It's a car ride on tracks, where you drive the car by pushing on a pedal. It is supposed to stop when you stop pushing on the pedal, but the pedals are old and they stick, so sometimes you need to use your hand to pull the pedal up a little (which is very easy for an adult to do). There are signs all over that say "No Bumping!" because the cars aren't designed for that--the ride operators allow a very big distance between each car so that there is minimal chance of collision. The cars have no cushioning and only a very loose lap belt, so if someone runs into you, you really jerk forward and back and hit the hard plastic seat really hard (and the seat doesn't have any head support, so your neck whiplashes a little). We were stopped on the tracks because the person 2 cars in front of me was having difficulty with her car. You could see the backup from almost the beginning of the track, so the woman had PLENTY of time to stop her car before ramming into us. As I said, I've been on the ride probably at least 100 times before and I've only been hit twice. The other time it was by a 10 year old boy who rammed into us at the end of the ride. (I said something to him too -- just nicely "No bumping! Be sure to stop!") That time, it really twerked my back and I had to take a lot of Motrin. This time, I wasn't really hurt very badly because I could totally see that the woman was going to run into us, so I held my child and braced both of us for the impact.

We've been going to that amusement park for almost a decade, and whenever I have one of those experiences, I'm like "We have to stop coming here." And then I have to remind myself that there are people like that everywhere, and you can't let them get you down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, initially I thought it would be easier than describing the ride, but with all the explanation, it didn't turn out that way.

It's a car ride on tracks, where you drive the car by pushing on a pedal. It is supposed to stop when you stop pushing on the pedal, but the pedals are old and they stick, so sometimes you need to use your hand to pull the pedal up a little (which is very easy for an adult to do). There are signs all over that say "No Bumping!" because the cars aren't designed for that--the ride operators allow a very big distance between each car so that there is minimal chance of collision. The cars have no cushioning and only a very loose lap belt, so if someone runs into you, you really jerk forward and back and hit the hard plastic seat really hard (and the seat doesn't have any head support, so your neck whiplashes a little). We were stopped on the tracks because the person 2 cars in front of me was having difficulty with her car. You could see the backup from almost the beginning of the track, so the woman had PLENTY of time to stop her car before ramming into us. As I said, I've been on the ride probably at least 100 times before and I've only been hit twice. The other time it was by a 10 year old boy who rammed into us at the end of the ride. (I said something to him too -- just nicely "No bumping! Be sure to stop!") That time, it really twerked my back and I had to take a lot of Motrin. This time, I wasn't really hurt very badly because I could totally see that the woman was going to run into us, so I held my child and braced both of us for the impact.

We've been going to that amusement park for almost a decade, and whenever I have one of those experiences, I'm like "We have to stop coming here." And then I have to remind myself that there are people like that everywhere, and you can't let them get you down.

So you yelled officiously at someone who was clearly flustered on a malfunctioning carnival ride. You should have been yelling at the ride operator if anything. Yes, there are "people like that" -- that's my whole point. If you go around correcting people in public, some of them are going to get annoyed and yell back at you. It doesn't really matter if you are platonically correct. If you don't want to be yelled at in public, MYOB.