Disciplining other kids at the park

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the other mom was out of line.

I was at an amusement park last week and a mom and her daughter did something unsafe (which violated a clearly posted rule) that hurt my daughter and me. I asked her to be careful, and she said that there was no way to avoid doing what she did. I explained to her how to use the equipment. (We're season ticket holders so I've been on this particular thing literally a hundred times.) She kept arguing. When we got off, I told the operator about the rule violation and asked the operator to please explain to the woman how to use the equipment because she had told me she did not know how to use the equipment. The woman then chased after me across the park to yell at me for telling on her to the ride operator, telling me I needed to calm down and enjoy the park, and telling me I was a bad role model to my children for telling her how to use the equipment. I told her to calm down and that I hoped my children learned the lesson that if you don't know how to use something, you should learn how to use it. Her daughter looked totally embarrassed and kept staring at the ground during this whole conversation.

Some people are just crazy and unable to accept any responsibility for their actions. It's a whole personality type.

Again, you chose to lecture a STRANGER about their behavior in a public setting, then it's on you if that stranger gets pissed and yells at you. You can't both get to enjoy the frission of correcting others in public, and avoid having them get mad at you in public. If you don't want to get yelled at, just take care of yourself and don't try to teach other people lessons when that's not your place. You tattled; you got called out on it.

I'm not the PP, but I kind of disagree, because the other mom did something unsafe "that hurt my daughter and me." That's why the mom said something - it hurt her and her kid. So, maybe I wouldn't have tattled, but I might have offered the correction - shown other mom how to use equipment to avoid me or my daughter getting hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Removing the child's hands - fine. Giving him a lecture - you're opening yourself up to be criticized in kind. Like it or not, we don't discipline other people's children in this culture, although of course you need to do what you need to do to help your own child in the moment.

Maybe in your culture, whatever that is. But in every social circle I've belonged to (my children are ages 4, 8, and 12), we have always disciplined each other's children in situations such as the OP described. No spanking, of course, but certainly a firm reprimand and, if necessary, removal of hands (or of the child) from the situation.

You can choose to let this sort of behavior go on, or you can choose to not to do anything. Think about the example you are setting your children.

Very different to discipline a stranger's child in the park, vs your friend's child (when you know your friend is ok with it). Not saying that OP did something totally crazy; just that she crossed a boundary, and had her boundaries crossed in return.

PP here--by social circle, I also meant neighborhood playgrounds, where I have disciplined young children whom I did not know. I don't think that OP crossed a boundary. I think that OP behaved in a rational manner that, frankly, I think more parents need to adopt. We have lost a strong sense of the village.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Removing the child's hands - fine. Giving him a lecture - you're opening yourself up to be criticized in kind. Like it or not, we don't discipline other people's children in this culture, although of course you need to do what you need to do to help your own child in the moment.

Maybe in your culture, whatever that is. But in every social circle I've belonged to (my children are ages 4, 8, and 12), we have always disciplined each other's children in situations such as the OP described. No spanking, of course, but certainly a firm reprimand and, if necessary, removal of hands (or of the child) from the situation.

You can choose to let this sort of behavior go on, or you can choose to not to do anything. Think about the example you are setting your children.

Very different to discipline a stranger's child in the park, vs your friend's child (when you know your friend is ok with it). Not saying that OP did something totally crazy; just that she crossed a boundary, and had her boundaries crossed in return.

PP here--by social circle, I also meant neighborhood playgrounds, where I have disciplined young children whom I did not know. I don't think that OP crossed a boundary. I think that OP behaved in a rational manner that, frankly, I think more parents need to adopt. We have lost a strong sense of the village.

You're not part of my villiage. Lecture or yell at my kid in a way I don't like, then you might get yelled at in return. That's just the way it is. Of course you need to physically protect your children. But if you feel you have the right to correct other children, then you are stepping into the dynamic where you yourself might get corrected. If you don't want to get corrected, then MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the other mom was out of line.

I was at an amusement park last week and a mom and her daughter did something unsafe (which violated a clearly posted rule) that hurt my daughter and me. I asked her to be careful, and she said that there was no way to avoid doing what she did. I explained to her how to use the equipment. (We're season ticket holders so I've been on this particular thing literally a hundred times.) She kept arguing. When we got off, I told the operator about the rule violation and asked the operator to please explain to the woman how to use the equipment because she had told me she did not know how to use the equipment. The woman then chased after me across the park to yell at me for telling on her to the ride operator, telling me I needed to calm down and enjoy the park, and telling me I was a bad role model to my children for telling her how to use the equipment. I told her to calm down and that I hoped my children learned the lesson that if you don't know how to use something, you should learn how to use it. Her daughter looked totally embarrassed and kept staring at the ground during this whole conversation.

Some people are just crazy and unable to accept any responsibility for their actions. It's a whole personality type.

Again, you chose to lecture a STRANGER about their behavior in a public setting, then it's on you if that stranger gets pissed and yells at you. You can't both get to enjoy the frission of correcting others in public, and avoid having them get mad at you in public. If you don't want to get yelled at, just take care of yourself and don't try to teach other people lessons when that's not your place. You tattled; you got called out on it.

I'm not the PP, but I kind of disagree, because the other mom did something unsafe "that hurt my daughter and me." That's why the mom said something - it hurt her and her kid. So, maybe I wouldn't have tattled, but I might have offered the correction - shown other mom how to use equipment to avoid me or my daughter getting hurt.

Of course, if the situation is ongoing, asking her to stop is inappropriate. But lecturing and tattling and continuing to lecture when the other person disagrees -- that's where you might end up in an argument. And you started it. The fact is, you don't get to publicly correct and lecture adults and expect that everyone will just listen to you and say "Oh, thanks! You are so obviously correct, and I am so obviously wrong." That's just not the way the world works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Removing the child's hands - fine. Giving him a lecture - you're opening yourself up to be criticized in kind. Like it or not, we don't discipline other people's children in this culture, although of course you need to do what you need to do to help your own child in the moment.

Maybe in your culture, whatever that is. But in every social circle I've belonged to (my children are ages 4, 8, and 12), we have always disciplined each other's children in situations such as the OP described. No spanking, of course, but certainly a firm reprimand and, if necessary, removal of hands (or of the child) from the situation.

You can choose to let this sort of behavior go on, or you can choose to not to do anything. Think about the example you are setting your children.

Very different to discipline a stranger's child in the park, vs your friend's child (when you know your friend is ok with it). Not saying that OP did something totally crazy; just that she crossed a boundary, and had her boundaries crossed in return.

PP here--by social circle, I also meant neighborhood playgrounds, where I have disciplined young children whom I did not know. I don't think that OP crossed a boundary. I think that OP behaved in a rational manner that, frankly, I think more parents need to adopt. We have lost a strong sense of the village.

You're not part of my villiage. Lecture or yell at my kid in a way I don't like, then you might get yelled at in return. That's just the way it is. Of course you need to physically protect your children. But if you feel you have the right to correct other children, then you are stepping into the dynamic where you yourself might get corrected. If you don't want to get corrected, then MYOB.

FWIW, I've never been corrected by an adult for reprimanding her child, and this is after raising three kids who are now well past the toddler age.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing, OP. I would have done the same.

[Anonymous]

I would have walked up to the boy and said firmly and loudly "No pulling hair" I have 4 kids and have sometimes parents have to step in.
My authoritative voice usually gets the desired reaction from kids.
I would not have touched the boy, at least not before 2 stern warnings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Removing the child's hands - fine. Giving him a lecture - you're opening yourself up to be criticized in kind. Like it or not, we don't discipline other people's children in this culture, although of course you need to do what you need to do to help your own child in the moment.

Maybe in your culture, whatever that is. But in every social circle I've belonged to (my children are ages 4, 8, and 12), we have always disciplined each other's children in situations such as the OP described. No spanking, of course, but certainly a firm reprimand and, if necessary, removal of hands (or of the child) from the situation.

You can choose to let this sort of behavior go on, or you can choose to not to do anything. Think about the example you are setting your children.

Very different to discipline a stranger's child in the park, vs your friend's child (when you know your friend is ok with it). Not saying that OP did something totally crazy; just that she crossed a boundary, and had her boundaries crossed in return.

PP here--by social circle, I also meant neighborhood playgrounds, where I have disciplined young children whom I did not know. I don't think that OP crossed a boundary. I think that OP behaved in a rational manner that, frankly, I think more parents need to adopt. We have lost a strong sense of the village.

You're not part of my villiage. Lecture or yell at my kid in a way I don't like, then you might get yelled at in return. That's just the way it is. Of course you need to physically protect your children. But if you feel you have the right to correct other children, then you are stepping into the dynamic where you yourself might get corrected. If you don't want to get corrected, then MYOB.

So, you are ok checking out and just allowing your kid to hit other. Sounds like a great parenting tactic. OP should have been closer to her child or removed her child from the situation as that mom just doesn't care if she is raising a nasty kid. I have no issue with a parent saying to another child not to hit their child who should not be hitting in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have walked up to the boy and said firmly and loudly "No pulling hair" I have 4 kids and have sometimes parents have to step in.
My authoritative voice usually gets the desired reaction from kids.
I would not have touched the boy, at least not before 2 stern warnings.

me again- I have found that even the most rowdy kids usually stop and listen with 1 stern adult warning. I don't say please for bad behavior- it makes it sound like a request.
Kids usually just have to know an outside adult is paying attention, and they slip back into good behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Removing the child's hands - fine. Giving him a lecture - you're opening yourself up to be criticized in kind. Like it or not, we don't discipline other people's children in this culture, although of course you need to do what you need to do to help your own child in the moment.

Maybe in your culture, whatever that is. But in every social circle I've belonged to (my children are ages 4, 8, and 12), we have always disciplined each other's children in situations such as the OP described. No spanking, of course, but certainly a firm reprimand and, if necessary, removal of hands (or of the child) from the situation.

You can choose to let this sort of behavior go on, or you can choose to not to do anything. Think about the example you are setting your children.

Very different to discipline a stranger's child in the park, vs your friend's child (when you know your friend is ok with it). Not saying that OP did something totally crazy; just that she crossed a boundary, and had her boundaries crossed in return.

PP here--by social circle, I also meant neighborhood playgrounds, where I have disciplined young children whom I did not know. I don't think that OP crossed a boundary. I think that OP behaved in a rational manner that, frankly, I think more parents need to adopt. We have lost a strong sense of the village.

You're not part of my villiage. Lecture or yell at my kid in a way I don't like, then you might get yelled at in return. That's just the way it is. Of course you need to physically protect your children. But if you feel you have the right to correct other children, then you are stepping into the dynamic where you yourself might get corrected. If you don't want to get corrected, then MYOB.

You sounds like a great role model for your child. BTW, few things are ever "just the way it is."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Realize that if you put your hands on another kid, you are subjecting yourself to lawsuits and arrest.

Nope. Not when defending another.

+1 OP said she only grabbed his hand to get the little boy to physically let go of her daughter's hair. Contact in that case was unavoidable. OP did the right thing. I would have done the same - I'm not going to stand there and watch some little a-hole hurt my kid.

I'm sorry this mom was nutty. She obviously wasn't paying attention - or worse - even if she did see what happened some people still might react crazily. You did what you had to do OP. Don't feel bad about it.

This. And if the bully kid did not let go of my child's hair I would have quickly squeezed his hand very hard to do so. When another is hurting my child especially a second time I will do whatever is necessary to help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Removing the child's hands - fine. Giving him a lecture - you're opening yourself up to be criticized in kind. Like it or not, we don't discipline other people's children in this culture, although of course you need to do what you need to do to help your own child in the moment.

Maybe in your culture, whatever that is. But in every social circle I've belonged to (my children are ages 4, 8, and 12), we have always disciplined each other's children in situations such as the OP described. No spanking, of course, but certainly a firm reprimand and, if necessary, removal of hands (or of the child) from the situation.

You can choose to let this sort of behavior go on, or you can choose to not to do anything. Think about the example you are setting your children.

Very different to discipline a stranger's child in the park, vs your friend's child (when you know your friend is ok with it). Not saying that OP did something totally crazy; just that she crossed a boundary, and had her boundaries crossed in return.

PP here--by social circle, I also meant neighborhood playgrounds, where I have disciplined young children whom I did not know. I don't think that OP crossed a boundary. I think that OP behaved in a rational manner that, frankly, I think more parents need to adopt. We have lost a strong sense of the village.

You're not part of my villiage. Lecture or yell at my kid in a way I don't like, then you might get yelled at in return. That's just the way it is. Of course you need to physically protect your children. But if you feel you have the right to correct other children, then you are stepping into the dynamic where you yourself might get corrected. If you don't want to get corrected, then MYOB.

You sounds like a great role model for your child. BTW, few things are ever "just the way it is."

Right, I don't want to teach my child to be a tattler and officious. On a more practical level, I do want to teach my child to be cautious and that he can't mouth off to anyone on the street and never expect a confrontation in return. It's called living in a city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Realize that if you put your hands on another kid, you are subjecting yourself to lawsuits and arrest.

Nope. Not when defending another.

+1 OP said she only grabbed his hand to get the little boy to physically let go of her daughter's hair. Contact in that case was unavoidable. OP did the right thing. I would have done the same - I'm not going to stand there and watch some little a-hole hurt my kid.

I'm sorry this mom was nutty. She obviously wasn't paying attention - or worse - even if she did see what happened some people still might react crazily. You did what you had to do OP. Don't feel bad about it.

This. And if the bully kid did not let go of my child's hair I would have quickly squeezed his hand very hard to do so. When another is hurting my child especially a second time I will do whatever is necessary to help her.

Wow, ok. You definitely would deserve to be yelled at in that case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Removing the child's hands - fine. Giving him a lecture - you're opening yourself up to be criticized in kind. Like it or not, we don't discipline other people's children in this culture, although of course you need to do what you need to do to help your own child in the moment.

Maybe in your culture, whatever that is. But in every social circle I've belonged to (my children are ages 4, 8, and 12), we have always disciplined each other's children in situations such as the OP described. No spanking, of course, but certainly a firm reprimand and, if necessary, removal of hands (or of the child) from the situation.

You can choose to let this sort of behavior go on, or you can choose to not to do anything. Think about the example you are setting your children.

Very different to discipline a stranger's child in the park, vs your friend's child (when you know your friend is ok with it). Not saying that OP did something totally crazy; just that she crossed a boundary, and had her boundaries crossed in return.

PP here--by social circle, I also meant neighborhood playgrounds, where I have disciplined young children whom I did not know. I don't think that OP crossed a boundary. I think that OP behaved in a rational manner that, frankly, I think more parents need to adopt. We have lost a strong sense of the village.

You're not part of my villiage. Lecture or yell at my kid in a way I don't like, then you might get yelled at in return. That's just the way it is. Of course you need to physically protect your children. But if you feel you have the right to correct other children, then you are stepping into the dynamic where you yourself might get corrected. If you don't want to get corrected, then MYOB.

So, you are ok checking out and just allowing your kid to hit other. Sounds like a great parenting tactic. OP should have been closer to her child or removed her child from the situation as that mom just doesn't care if she is raising a nasty kid. I have no issue with a parent saying to another child not to hit their child who should not be hitting in the first place.

Reading comprehension fail. It's fine to protect your child physically, and of course parents should be aware of what's going on. I don't subscribe to the "let the kids work it out" theory of playgrounds. But I draw the line at another parent verbally lecturing/disciplining my child. Do what you need to do to stop the incident; then back off. Not your job to parent my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Realize that if you put your hands on another kid, you are subjecting yourself to lawsuits and arrest.

Nope. Not when defending another.

+1 OP said she only grabbed his hand to get the little boy to physically let go of her daughter's hair. Contact in that case was unavoidable. OP did the right thing. I would have done the same - I'm not going to stand there and watch some little a-hole hurt my kid.

I'm sorry this mom was nutty. She obviously wasn't paying attention - or worse - even if she did see what happened some people still might react crazily. You did what you had to do OP. Don't feel bad about it.

This. And if the bully kid did not let go of my child's hair I would have quickly squeezed his hand very hard to do so. When another is hurting my child especially a second time I will do whatever is necessary to help her.

Wow, ok. You definitely would deserve to be yelled at in that case.

Np here. Bring on the yelling then.