How long are parents expected to arrange playdates?

[Anonymous]

My son is nearly out of 1st grade, we live in Bethesda. Yesterday I allowed him to walk down to one of his best friend's house to see if they could play. When I called to check on his arrival, the father asked me not to let him walk down again unannounced.

I was embarassed by this, and apologized.

My husband and I both recall going over to our friends' houses to play when we were 7 and not having our parents call to arrange everything for us.

Can anyone tell us when things morph into kids arranging their own playdates, calling their own friends, knocking on doors to play, etc?

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

In our case the kids started arranging things in 5th/6th grade but we and the other parents always checked on the arrangements in the background to make sure everyone knew what was going on and all were okay with it. This was school based rather than block based. Sometimes they did things more spontaneously with kids on the street at an earlier age but it was usually outside, not going to someone's house.

[Anonymous]

The girl next door started coming over by herself when she was about 7 or 7 1/2. We're always happy to see her, even if our kids are not available to play.

[Anonymous]

Kids don't do their own arranging for many years after 1st. Some time around 2nd, the kids' preferences get stronger, and you can't make playdates without clearing it with your own kid. You may end up with neighbors with whom your child has a close relationship where running back and forth is fine. You may not The rest of the kids in your child's life - parents do most of the arranging at least through fourth.

[Anonymous]

I think this guy is way up tight. My son is 4 and he has a good buddy on our street that rings our doorbell all of the time (unannounced) to see if my son can play. My son does the same to him.

[Anonymous]

I suppose I would have expected you to call first, as a courtesy.

[Anonymous]

When I was a kid, we were in an out of each other's houses all the time. It would be great to recreate that for my children, but it seems like times have changed. In my opinion that is unfortunate. OP, hopefully some of the other neighbors aren't so uptight.

[Anonymous]

OP here - wow, what a diversity of opinion! I can't wait to hear more... please let me know where you live...I wonder if it makes a difference - ie, DC vs burbs.

[Anonymous]

I live in outer Silver Spring. Since about age 5, kids have been ringing my doorbell unannounced and my kids have been doing the same. If we are busy, we just say so and send the doorbell ringer home. The same happens to my kids. I think it's weird that someone would expect me to call before my kids dropped by.

[Anonymous]

I guess if you felt the need to call and check on his arrival, it would make sense to call before he left and let them know he was on his way, but I guess the point is that some families will be comfortable with this and some won't...

[Anonymous]

We live in Fairfax and 100% don't want unplanned visitors ringing our doorbell. We also don't have our daughter go hunt up her own playmates. We do have neighbors next door who have neices around our daughters age -- if we see them in the back yard both families have no problem lifting someone over the fence so they can all play together when both families are just hanging out.

[Anonymous]

OP - The father sounds like an a**whole.

[Anonymous]

OP - If he's an ass, but a harmless one, and his kids are nice, then just accommodate his rigidity on this so that your kid has a buddy down the block. He may be an ass, but that's his right.

[Anonymous]

What about having your child (not you) call first? I remember doing that as a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in Fairfax and 100% don't want unplanned visitors ringing our doorbell. We also don't have our daughter go hunt up her own playmates. We do have neighbors next door who have neices around our daughters age -- if we see them in the back yard both families have no problem lifting someone over the fence so they can all play together when both families are just hanging out.

Out of curiosity, why don't you want unplanned visitors ringing your doorbell? Do you feel uncomfortable sending them away if you are not available? I ask because I feel the opposite, I have no problem at all with unexpected visitors (adult or child), but also feel no compunction to invite them in and entertain if I am busy or just not in the mood.

But... on the flip side, my husband prefers to plan things out well and he really doesn't like the "drop-bys" very much.