How long are parents expected to arrange playdates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Calling in advance of a drop-by is NOT scheduling things in advance! It's a simple, hassle-free courtesy, it is not emblematic of the end of an era or a certain way of life. What is the big deal, folks?

I agree. I grew up in a small Southern town a heck of a lot more idyllic than DC, and we always called first before stopping by as a courtesy, and other kids did the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the dad was rude in his delivery but honestly, I would not want kids ringing on my doorbell to play unless I was prepared for it, I would want the parent to call bc I may have something going on or be in the shower, or not want kids in the house other than mine. I think it is different if they are playing outside (and in a safe backyard) which I dont have so I dont want to be responsible for someone elses kids if I have other stuff to do.

If you don't want anyone to come over, don't answer the door. if you answer the door, politely tell the chikld it's not a convenient time. what's the big deal? Children in our neighborhood sometimes come by unannounced to look for our kids, sell girls scout cookies, what have you. My kids do the same. If it's not convenient, you always have the optin of just not answering the doorbell.

[Anonymous]

I think respecting a neighbor's request for a call before dropping by is a perfect moment to teach children good manners and tolerance. Yes, tolerance. I actually think it is more unreasonable for a parent to disregard a neighbor's wish for a courtesy call or to prohibit the children from playing with the children whose parents would like a courtesy call than it is to request a courtesy call. Good manners are not supposed to be about us, they're supposed to be about making other people feel at ease and about showing respect for other people even when we do not agree with them. If some of you do what you say you're going to do, you are going to be teaching intolerance to your children. (They're different, we won't mingle with them.) Do you really want to do that over a courtesy call request?
I grew up with drop-by's but would not become incensed or insulted if a neighbor told me he/she preferred a courtesy call. Finally, one of the first things I remember telling my child when we went visiting was to respect the rules in other people's homes. This, honoring neighbor's requests for a courtesy call, certainly sounds like an extension of that to me.

[Anonymous]

You're not from here, are you?

[Anonymous]

We live in chevy chase dc and pretty much have an open door on kids coming over to play. Probably started around 5 years old. A difference is that we have an alley and most kids arrive that way. Also we generally know the families fairly well - have their phone numbers handy etc. I think it was a great idea OP - a little independence building goes a long way on a 7 year old. I'm sorry that the other parent wasn't in the spirit of it.

[Anonymous]

Would people feel differently if they knew the neighbor that preferred a courtesy call was going through a rough time, (i.e., had life-threatening health issues, was facing financial ruin, had a parent in intensive care.) The thing is, people often keep these matters to themselves. Folks are assuming that everything is smooth in these people's homes when that might not be the case.

[Anonymous]

PP - Agreed. People are so nosy in this area, they assume they know everything. They have no idea, truly.

[Anonymous]

no it wouldn't make any difference. Kids still need lives regardless of what is going on in ours. If it is a bad time, send the child away. It isn't a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would people feel differently if they knew the neighbor that preferred a courtesy call was going through a rough time, (i.e., had life-threatening health issues, was facing financial ruin, had a parent in intensive care.) The thing is, people often keep these matters to themselves. Folks are assuming that everything is smooth in these people's homes when that might not be the case.

Then a simple "no Johnny can't play today" should handle it w/o disclosing any personal issues. I really don't understand why that is so hard to do. The "please call in advance" is just strange. Like I have to make a reservation for our kids to play. Spontaneous play is part of being a kid. At least it was in the neighborhood where I grew up.

[Anonymous]

Calling in advance can mean calling 5 minutes ahead of time -- why is that such a big deal? And, your child can make the phone call -- our kids have been doing that since first grade. If one friend can't play or isn't home, they just call somebody else. It's really pretty simple.

[Anonymous]

We live in Bethesda and our former neighbors used to knock on our door to see if my DC could play and my DC did the same to them. I loved it because that was how I grew up. At the other household, one parent was uptight with it and very controlling and the other was really relaxed. I could always tell which one was home....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is nearly out of 1st grade, we live in Bethesda. Yesterday I allowed him to walk down to one of his best friend's house to see if they could play. When I called to check on his arrival, the father asked me not to let him walk down again unannounced.

I was embarassed by this, and apologized.

My husband and I both recall going over to our friends' houses to play when we were 7 and not having our parents call to arrange everything for us.

Can anyone tell us when things morph into kids arranging their own playdates, calling their own friends, knocking on doors to play, etc?

Thanks.

I'm hoping through college.

[Anonymous]

Is there any area in DC where kids run from door to door? I had this growing up in the midwest and would love to find the same type of 'hood in this area. I would ring the neighbor's doorbell and ask if so and so could come out and play.

[Anonymous]

Hm. Did your child say, "Can Bobby come out to play?" If so, that seems like a perfectly acceptable way for a CHILD to arrange his or her own play date. Then Bobby would then say, "MOOOOOOM, DAAAAAAD, CAN I GO OUTSIDE TO PLAY WITH JOEY?" And them Mom would say, "Eat your peas first, and then call Joey to meet you outside." And then Dad would say, "Mom, Bobby doesn't have to eat his mashed peas. Hell, we all hate these damn mashed peas." And then Joey would say, "Yeah, Mom, PLEAAAAAAASE, I HATE mashed peas!" And then Mom would say while scraping clean the plates, "For chrissakes, fine, go out to play. Who listens to me anyway?"



I mean, isn't that NORMAL?