Weird mother-in-law

[Anonymous]

MIL is very obsessed with my clothes and my closet. Every time she comes over she goes to my closet and checks for new items. Then asking me questions like" when did I buy this?" or "how much did you pay?" or "did my son get it for you??"
One time she grabbed my new bag on public and exclaimed:"When did you get this??" After that started to check everything in it and found a new wallet, opened my wallet, checked all my credit cards etc.
Is this normal? In my family we always had this rule to not get into private things, my mom would never check my purse or pockets etc.

[Anonymous]

Why are you letting this happen?

No, this is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting this happen?

No, this is not normal.

Because one time I said something and she started crying saying:"I thought we are family!".
Husband got upset and told me to be kind with her.

[Anonymous]

Close your bedroom door. My MIL would never go in my bedroom without permission or some real reason, like unpacking and putting a book on my bed for us, or to say hi to the dog.

[Anonymous]

Do you really need a forum to tell you that this is not normal?

Next time she asks those nosy questions, just say "I can't remember.", and switch the subject. Or just ignore the question and switch the subject.

If she grabs your belongings and starts going through them, calmly ask for them back "MIL, please give me my purse back." and then tell her to not grab your things and go through them. Literally say that, since she seems like an idiot. "MIL, please do not grab things from me and do not go through my personal belongings."

What does your husband say about his nutty mother? He needs to have a conversation with her about appropriate boundaries.

[Anonymous]

No not normal. She sounds like a mom to a mommas boy. Either jewish or italian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting this happen?

No, this is not normal.

Because one time I said something and she started crying saying:"I thought we are family!".
Husband got upset and told me to be kind with her.

Oh hell no!
Nope you need to lay down the law with your husband and your mil.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL does not respect boundaries. You need to make your room off limits to her. you do not need to be a doormat. Tell her she is trespassing on your private space and you won't tolerate it. She isn't just being nosy. She has gone well beyond what is acceptable and you will need to be explicit on what behavior you want to see going forward or she should not be allowed unsupervised in your home. I am normally a very open and welcoming person but I happen to know someone like this and trust me there is a lack of respect you need to fix now, not later. The person I know literally has gone into homes while the owners are away at work and looked through all financial documents and accounts. No this is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting this happen?

No, this is not normal.

Because one time I said something and she started crying saying:"I thought we are family!".
Husband got upset and told me to be kind with her.

13:24 here. Soooo, being kind to him means having no personal boundaries and letting his mother do whatever she wants? Uh, no. Tell him you will KINDLY tell her to not go through your things. And then do that. Don't yell, just be super sweet and set the boundary.

[Anonymous]

Eff that.

So she doesn't like it when you set boundaries. So your husband gets upset with you. SO WHAT. Those are their feelings, THEIR PROBLEM. Too bad for them.

Set your very NORMAL boundaries. If they get upset about it, oh well. You can't make everyone happy all the time. SET LIMITS.

And if you aren't willing to be a grown-up and set limits--knowing that sometimes people won't like what you do/say--then you don't get to complain/question it. If you write her (and him) a permission slip for bad behavior, don't be at all surprised or upset when they behave badly.

[Anonymous]

I call BS on this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call BS on this story.

Just because you haven't experienced something doesn't mean it is unreal.

[Anonymous]

you need to start putting sex toys in your closet and purse, things that will embarrass her and show her she has crossed the line and needs to leave you some privacy. Maybe hang a swing in the closet? whatever you can do to make her regret it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting this happen?

No, this is not normal.

Because one time I said something and she started crying saying:"I thought we are family!".
Husband got upset and told me to be kind with her.

"Honey, this has to stop. Getting it to stop is being kind to her, else I will never want her to visit. I want a good relationship with your mom, and for that to happen, I need some privacy and space."

To your MIL: "That's not what being family means to me. I ask for you to respect my privacy, and not enter my bedroom or purse."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you need to start putting sex toys in your closet and purse, things that will embarrass her and show her she has crossed the line and needs to leave you some privacy. Maybe hang a swing in the closet? whatever you can do to make her regret it

Thought of that! But we were at my BIL house and my nieces found a dancing pole in their bedroom. Of course they told this to my MIL. She called every single person and told that her DIL has it in her bedroom. So the toys in the closet not an option!