So Mad at Ex Right Now

[Anonymous]

He has our daughter for the summer. I just learned he basically gave her a bus pass and turned her loose on the streets of Warsaw, Poland. He says she's 17 and she'll be fine. It worries me sick that she'll get into trouble of some sort. He says she old enough and responsible enough to get out on her own. I have no idea where or who she's with, what she's up to. He refuses to understand she is still a child.

[Anonymous]

He's right. You're hovering. She is almost an adult.

[Anonymous]

Nope, she's an adult and she'll be fine. Sorry, but a 17-year-old does not need round the clock supervision or a full-time escort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has our daughter for the summer. I just learned he basically gave her a bus pass and turned her loose on the streets of Warsaw, Poland. He says she's 17 and she'll be fine. It worries me sick that she'll get into trouble of some sort. He says she old enough and responsible enough to get out on her own. I have no idea where or who she's with, what she's up to. He refuses to understand she is still a child.

Assuming that your daughter is responsibly responsible and street-smart, and has a phone, I see no problem with this at all.

She'll be free to wander the world in a year, so it's probably best that she gets some experience now while parental support is close at hand.

[Anonymous]

I'm also in the "she'll be fine" camp. To be honest it sounds like a fabulous opportunity for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm also in the "she'll be fine" camp. To be honest it sounds like a fabulous opportunity for her.

Agreed! Sounds amazing. I'm jealous!

[Anonymous]

Have a little more faith in your daughter.

I think she'll be fine. Sound like a great opportunity for her, and she's not at all too young to navigate the bus system of a major European city.

[Anonymous]

Are 17 year olds not supposed to be out on their own, these days? I was constantly out on my own, by my mid teens.

[Anonymous]

Land the helicopter! She's fine

[Anonymous]

I'd be worried and irritated too! It's a foreign country and without a travel buddy she could get into serious trouble and no one would realize. Lighten up, pps.

[Anonymous]

You're not worried about her; you're feeling disconnected from her.

You thought you'd be able to keep tabs on her through your ex, but that's not happening, and you're feeling unmoored.

If this is the first time since your divorce that you've felt that loss of control, realize that you got through a lot of years knowing everything!

What she's doing seems totally age-appropriate, and you'll always worry about her, even when she's 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm also in the "she'll be fine" camp. To be honest it sounds like a fabulous opportunity for her.

Agreed! Sounds amazing. I'm jealous!

+1
My last two years of high school were in Italy (dad was in military). I cherish the many, many hours I got to explore the cities--on my own, with just money for bus + food.

[Anonymous]

I agree that she will be fine and that it will probably be a wonderful experience for her.

I also think that your ex should have discussed this with you proactively. This should not be something that you "just learn." It should be something that the three of you discuss as a group, including ground rules, safety tips, and contingency plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that she will be fine and that it will probably be a wonderful experience for her.

I also think that your ex should have discussed this with you proactively. This should not be something that you "just learn." It should be something that the three of you discuss as a group, including ground rules, safety tips, and contingency plans.

Unless things are so acrimonious that they can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be worried and irritated too! It's a foreign country and without a travel buddy she could get into serious trouble and no one would realize. Lighten up, pps.

People join the Marines when they are 17. They are sent into foreign countries and allowed to roam on their own in their off-duty time.

It's natural to be worried about them, but you have to let them go. They're adults, or close enough that it doesn't matter.