How to raise a self-driven child?

[Anonymous]

How to raise a self-driven child who wants to succeed at school and you don't have to nag them to do their homework?

[Anonymous]

I think that's an inherent trait. They either have it or they don't. But you can foster self-motivation. The biggest way to do so is back off and let them fail.

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/unmotivated-child-6-ways-to-get-your-child-going/

[Anonymous]

I think they're born that way. I have two -- one is "self-driven" when it comes to school work and has been since day one of Kindergarten. He is also an introvert with a small circle of friends. My other one has to be nagged to do homework (on days he remembers to bring it home). He is very outgoing and has a huge social circle. He does do other things extremely well, like certain physical labor-type chores that my other DC needs to be nagged to do.

Focus on their strengths. I try to convince my school-slacker kid that no matter what he wants to be when he grows up, he has to do well in school first. I also accept that I have to be more deeply involved in his school experience than I would like to be. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that's an inherent trait. They either have it or they don't. But you can foster self-motivation. The biggest way to do so is back off and let them fail.

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/unmotivated-child-6-ways-to-get-your-child-going/

I completely do not agree with this approach. I don't want my kids to fail to learn. I also think "Empowering Parents" is a bogus parenting con game based on a one-size-fits-all mentality that is there to make money off of desperate parents with problem children.

[Anonymous]

Some of it is personality driven. Actually a lot is.

You can help by not doing much for them of course, feed and shelter them and keep them healthy. But let them pack their own lunches. If they want a new toy or electronic, don't buy it for them. Mke them research tye price and tell them they can get it if they earn it. Starting around 12, they need to be managing their social events. They figure out the time, place, costs, pick up, drop off, etc and give you a list and you prpvide chauffer service.

Let them do their own homework. Don't do their projects.

Kids can accomplish quite a bit is you just step back and let them fail or succeed on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that's an inherent trait. They either have it or they don't. But you can foster self-motivation. The biggest way to do so is back off and let them fail.

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/unmotivated-child-6-ways-to-get-your-child-going/

I completely do not agree with this approach. I don't want my kids to fail to learn. I also think "Empowering Parents" is a bogus parenting con game based on a one-size-fits-all mentality that is there to make money off of desperate parents with problem children.

They won't fail to learn for long.

[Anonymous]

Montessori

[Anonymous]

Let them be bored, don't structure all their time.

[Anonymous]

To the greatest extent possible, let their drive naturally come from them without creating artificial motivation. Model that good work habits are just what people do in order to reach their goals... there aren't shortcuts, and most often nobody cares about your life and your success more than you do so there shouldn't need to be incentives. Most everything people want in life will require some sort of work to obtain, so the reason we work hard is to derive the benefits of our efforts and not just because someone "made" us do it.

When they're young, create a routine of "work before play" without ever specifically calling it that. Start good habits early.

Frame things in terms of goals and steps to get there, not requirements that must be met. Point out that the things they learn at school will have direct uses in their lives, and let them see how school concepts are relevant in yours. Almost any interest a kid has by mid-elementary probably ties into academics in some way. Help them realize that. We never focused on grades at all, instead choosing to emphasize learning as much as possible as effectively as possible in order to maximize the tools we have at our disposal in life. To a certain extent, good grades and good study habits naturally followed that desire to acquire knowledge and make it useful.

I also made frequent use of the phrase "I already passed [X grade]". The message I tried to give from about third grade on was - This won't help my future; it is entirely to benefit yours. You are the only one who can own that and make choices or set priorities to make yourself the best that you can be.

[Anonymous]

Don't freak out if it seems they don't give a shit. My DD was one of those kids who never studied, had the sloppiest handwriting, was always filthy, and got like, Bs and Cs. In all of elementary school she asked me for help studying ONCE.

Then she got to middle school and BAM. It was like I had a new child. Neat handwriting, super organized (at school - her bedroom was still a wreck), homework handed in on time, straight A's.

She changed. I did nothing except offering to help.

[Anonymous]

Praise effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How to raise a self-driven child who wants to succeed at school and you don't have to nag them to do their homework?

Help them find their passion and then help them see how their school work is tied to their passion

[Anonymous]

I think they're born that way. I have two -- one is "self-driven" when it comes to school work and has been since day one of Kindergarten. He is also an introvert with a small circle of friends. My other one has to be nagged to do homework (on days he remembers to bring it home). He is very outgoing and has a huge social circle. He does do other things extremely well, like certain physical labor-type chores that my other DC needs to be nagged to do.

Focus on their strengths. I try to convince my school-slacker kid that no matter what he wants to be when he grows up, he has to do well in school first. I also accept that I have to be more deeply involved in his school experience than I would like to be. Sigh.

Mine are grown now, but I could have written this comment.

Here is one piece of advice: relax and do let the kid fail--not the big things, but the little things. (Not that I did this, but, hindsight.......) Also, try not to compare with the introverted self-starter.

[Anonymous]

ps---the slacker is doing just as well right now as the self-starter. You don't need all A's to succeed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Praise effort.

demand results.