How to raise a self-driven child?

[Anonymous]

Make them have a goal....whether through sports, dance, an activity, etc. they will learn drive and perseverance by attempting and learning to attain appropriate goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't freak out if it seems they don't give a shit. My DD was one of those kids who never studied, had the sloppiest handwriting, was always filthy, and got like, Bs and Cs. In all of elementary school she asked me for help studying ONCE.

Then she got to middle school and BAM. It was like I had a new child. Neat handwriting, super organized (at school - her bedroom was still a wreck), homework handed in on time, straight A's.

She changed. I did nothing except offering to help.

From your typing fingers to G-d's ears for my rising 6th grader. She sounds like your was in ES. I am scared to death for her in MS. Didn't help that her 5th grade teacher agreed with me on the last day of school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Praise effort.

demand results.

Actually, i kind of agree with this.

I think this "praise effort" trend has created kids who are lazier and who who think they should get rewarded simply for attempting anything, even if they accomplish nothing at all.

I think a better response is to praise productivity. Effort without any results is really meaningless.

Nearly impossible on the ridiculous PIN grading scale that MCPS is using and NO ONE understands, not even the teachers. It is inconsistently applied, and getting a "P", being proficient at the grade level standard, is akin to getting a passing grade, which is good enough. Good enough is not good enough if you are trying to raise a self-driven child. The grading system is in MCPS is going to come back to bite our kids. So is the lack of final exams in high school. MCPS has lost its way.

[Anonymous]

Make them have a goal....whether through sports, dance, an activity, etc. they will learn drive and perseverance by attempting and learning to attain appropriate goals.

How is that self-driven?

[Anonymous]

Boundless love and encouragement from a very tight loving family and lots of exposure to ideas, the arts, reading for fun and enjoying life. No pressure to perform. Plus it helps to be born with lots of energy and little need for sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boundless love and encouragement from a very tight loving family and lots of exposure to ideas, the arts, reading for fun and enjoying life. No pressure to perform. Plus it helps to be born with lots of energy and little need for sleep.

That sounds like a recipe for a free flowing, creative, free spirited child who flits from interest to interest with lots of passion but little direction or goals.

The opposite of a self driven child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make them have a goal....whether through sports, dance, an activity, etc. they will learn drive and perseverance by attempting and learning to attain appropriate goals.

+1


Kids who are resilient learn from their mistakes and losing. My DS is one of the very best for his age in his hobby in the U.S. where he competes with kids and adults. The best kids in any endeavor know how to fix their mistakes/errors quicker than their peers, learn and improve faster, and that takes mental toughness and perseverance as well as talent. Talent by itself is not enough. Being "good" at something also feeds itself and creates motivation for some. Makes them feel better about themselves and creates drive.

[Anonymous]

From a young age I vane my kids control and responsibility over their schoolwork. You are obligated to get it done before you are allowed to go to sleep and each day you have to develop a plan. But you decide where, when and with what. I am only available to help up to my bedtime. Then you are on your own. If there is a day that you don't get done by a reasonable hour or you weren't efficient enough to have free time for activities you want to do, the next day I work with you to make a better plan. Also I taught them out to break down big projects into manageable parts and to schedule the work. When they hit middle school I taught them how to manage grades through use of edline and retaking tests.

Outside of school work, with chores I give them a deadline (such as before bed or before I get home from work) but don't mandate when it gets done. They decide when and how.

My kids are all self directed, successful and non-procrastinators. They've had their days of being up until 2 am to get homework done, but they learned to plan better.

[Anonymous]

I really don't understand the "retaking [of] tests" phenomenon in schools right now.
I was never offered such an option in MS & HS during the 1990s, especially in math class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand the "retaking [of] tests" phenomenon in schools right now.
I was never offered such an option in MS & HS during the 1990s, especially in math class.

The theory behind thst practice is that it is more important for a kid to demonstrate mastery of a subject (in particular math) before moving to the next step.

If the test indicates you only understood/mastered 68% of the material, you need remediation then a retest to make sure you understand the material.

At my kid's middle school a kid must attend tutoring session(s) before they are allowed to retake a test.

[Anonymous]

Boundless love and encouragement from a very tight loving family and lots of exposure to ideas, the arts, reading for fun and enjoying life. No pressure to perform. Plus it helps to be born with lots of energy and little need for sleep.


That sounds like a recipe for a free flowing, creative, free spirited child who flits from interest to interest with lots of passion but little direction or goals.

The opposite of a self driven child.

Agree with the first statement. Second PP does not understand the difference between self-driven and goal -driven. Big difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How to raise a self-driven child who wants to succeed at school and you don't have to nag them to do their homework?

Never ever take an interest in doing their homework with them. Never police their homework, ever.
Seriously, starting in Kindergarten - nothing. It becomes their thing and their life and you're all set.

And yes, we did this with out kids and yes they are productive responsible learners with their own ideas and opinions.
Be ready though because if you do ever change course and say anything about said child's work of school you will get a giant 'F@@K Off' directed your way.
One child gets very good grades at a very good private where those are quite hard to come by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How to raise a self-driven child who wants to succeed at school and you don't have to nag them to do their homework?

Never ever take an interest in doing their homework with them. Never police their homework, ever.
Seriously, starting in Kindergarten - nothing. It becomes their thing and their life and you're all set.

And yes, we did this with our kids and yes they are productive responsible learners with their own ideas and opinions.
Be ready though because if you do ever change course and say anything about said child's work or school you will get a giant 'F@@K Off' directed your way.
One child gets very good grades at a very good private where those are quite hard to come by.

The other child is a very enthusiastic learner as well and likes school.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you can force a child to be self-driven. But I DO think you can force them to be responsible for themselves. I am not super self-driven, and never was, but I always did my homework without nagging because it was made clear to me that doing well in school was my job. I wasn't expected to get straight As, but I was expected to do the best I could. That meant As and Bs, but no Cs, bc they knew I was smarter than that.

My sister was incredibly self driven. She put huge pressure on herself to always get straight As. My mom was not pressuring her to do that. She's just like that. She taught herself to read at age 3 because she was jealous my brother was learning in kindergarten. My mom didn't really help because she was busy, but my sister found a way. You can't teach/force that, that's just how she is...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let them be bored, don't structure all their time.

+1