Why do people have multiple kids when they can't handle them?

[Anonymous]

What the title says. So many parents are overwhelmed with their kids but keep having more. Some even admit they don't enjoy being parents. Then why don't they quit after one? Having two in the (misguided) hopes of giving them a playmate to take the pressure off, I can understand. But why go on to make a third, when even two are too much to handle? I just don't get it. Can anybody enlighten me?

[Anonymous]

Kids are a lot to handle when they're little. It's stressful and frustrating. Doesn't mean you shouldn't have kids if you feel overwhelmed now and again.

[Anonymous]

I have four and am naturally organized and got pretty easy kids. Maybe some people don't get easy well behaved kids each time. Or maybe they don't realize the third would be too much until its there.

[Anonymous]

Playing the long game. It's frustrating when they are young, but rewarding as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Same reason people drink and drive or have a glass of wine with Bill Cosby - cause they ain't thinking about ramifications and repercussions they're caught up in the moment and aren't giving any thought to the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Playing the long game. It's frustrating when they are young, but rewarding as they get older.

But wouldn't it be more rewarding to foster a good relationship with few kids than be a stressed out, unavailable parent to many? Being a parent is hard if you have one or many, but if you realize you're already at the end of your rope, why add more stress? How does that make for a better family life down the line?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have four and am naturally organized and got pretty easy kids. Maybe some people don't get easy well behaved kids each time. Or maybe they don't realize the third would be too much until its there.

This actually makes total sense to me. It's luck of the draw if the next one will be the "one too much to handle" and I absolutely don't fault people for that. What I don't understand are the people who complain about their two toddlers being too much to handle and a week later announce they're expecting the third. Newsflash: it won't get any easier. If you're having trouble already, why keep going?

[Anonymous]

religion. Some forbid use of birth control if you are a faithful adherent.

[Anonymous]

Status, religion, keeping up with the Larla's and Larlos. I don't get it as the kids don't get a lot of attention and aren't able to have the same opportunities, etc. I think people do it because it sounds much better than the reality or they expect the older ones to care for the little ones.

[Anonymous]

Because they thought they could handle them
Because not every child is planned
Because not liking parenthood is something every parent goes through at some point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playing the long game. It's frustrating when they are young, but rewarding as they get older.

But wouldn't it be more rewarding to foster a good relationship with few kids than be a stressed out, unavailable parent to many? Being a parent is hard if you have one or many, but if you realize you're already at the end of your rope, why add more stress? How does that make for a better family life down the line?

We are stressed with our two little ones, 4 and 2, but find our 10 year old is very easy. It's getting easier every day as they get older. You wouldn't know I feel this way by looking at me, as I'm usually chasing after the little two. I know it's difficult now, but this time will pass. I wouldn't trade these difficult years, bc I wouldn't get the many more easier years to come. I think it's just situational at the age. I don't think I'll be stressed out and unavailable when they are all in elementary school and older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the title says. So many parents are overwhelmed with their kids but keep having more. Some even admit they don't enjoy being parents. Then why don't they quit after one? Having two in the (misguided) hopes of giving them a playmate to take the pressure off, I can understand. But why go on to make a third, when even two are too much to handle? I just don't get it. Can anybody enlighten me?

People love sex, and there's no perfect anticonceptive system, so why even try.

Just enjoy the ride while you can.

[Anonymous]

1. Because they don't have a crystal ball, and don't know how overwhelming it will be until they're here.

2. Because 40% of pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned, and many people are not willing to get abortions.

Unfortunately, in the middle of having sex I don't think many people can picture themselves pushing three screaming kids up the hill at the zoo a year later. Life is complicated and there's not much use in blaming. Someday you may find yourself overwhelmed at something too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because they thought they could handle them
Because not every child is planned
Because not liking parenthood is something every parent goes through at some point

Yep.

You're a pretty dim bulb, OP, if you need to be "enlightened" about these basic facts of life.

[Anonymous]

My third was a handful until about age eight.

Number one was super easy, tye kind of kid that akes first time parents think they have all the parenting answers and are the best parents ever.

Number two made us realize we did not have all the answers, were not necessarily the best parents, and that so much about how kids behave have much more to to with personality than exceptional parenting or doing everything "right"

However, number two was still great, EXCEPT when #2 & #3 pushed eachother's buttons. Then, watch out. Frazzled was an understatement.

#3 is completely loveable, but is a thrill seeker, daredevil, show off, charm the pants off everyone, center of attention, bundle of exhuberance and energy. That type of personality is utterly exhausting.

If #3 had been #1, we perhaps would have stopped then but our family would have been lacking in so much fun and so much love.

You never know what you are going to get until the personalities start to emerge.