Why do people have multiple kids when they can't handle them?

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the person. We have a toddler and it has been more challenging than we ever imagined. Just like every parent we get stressed out with her. While we would love to have another baby, we know we can't handle another toddler in a few years and we definitely can't handle a newborn and a toddler at the same time. Instead we decided to be one and done, or at most try for another once this one gets easier, IF she gets easier. I too have a hard time understanding why people think they can do it again right away when they can't even properly do it the first time.

Other people probably figure that it won't make a difference if they're shouting at one toddler or two. Or they want to experience pregnancy/the newborn stage again so bad that they ignore the issues their future might hold. Or they're so focused on what their picture of an ideal family is, that they refuse to accept that some people might not be cut out to have a big family. Or they're not willing to wait out the time it takes to figure out if it's just a difficult phase that they can tackle again once their first outgrows it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Just to be clear: I don't judge or blame anybody for getting overwhelmed with their children – whether they have one or five!

I started this topic to get some insight on a way of thinking I don't possess (and am trying hard not to side eye), and that is the type of family who are so overwhelmed with their 6 and 8 year olds misbehaving that they "should really call The Supernanny" but are also pushing around a 2 month old in a stroller. I refuse to believe the issues with the older kids arised overnight. Yet the parents decide to try for another instead of solving the problems they already have at hand?

That's the thing I'm trying to understand. Some responses so far have been quite helpful with that. Some have misunderstood my question to mean "why do people have multiple kids without foreseeing that there will be more stress" though, which I wanted to clarify I didn't intend at all. It's just about the few people who can metaphorically see the edge of a cliff and willingly take the step that will take them over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the title says. So many parents are overwhelmed with their kids but keep having more. Some even admit they don't enjoy being parents. Then why don't they quit after one? Having two in the (misguided) hopes of giving them a playmate to take the pressure off, I can understand. But why go on to make a third, when even two are too much to handle? I just don't get it. Can anybody enlighten me?

Selfish, entitled

[Anonymous]

It's a natural, instinctual, ingrained desire for humans to procreate. If that wasn't so the human race would have died out long ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playing the long game. It's frustrating when they are young, but rewarding as they get older.

But wouldn't it be more rewarding to foster a good relationship with few kids than be a stressed out, unavailable parent to many? Being a parent is hard if you have one or many, but if you realize you're already at the end of your rope, why add more stress? How does that make for a better family life down the line?

+10000

Selfishness. Pure and simple.

[Anonymous]

I have three. My third is by far the most challenging. He truly drives me crazy. But he's been like this from day 1. Like the minute he was born.

I'm still considering a 4th because if the 4th turns out like #1 or #2, I'm going to have it easy. And, because I love the idea of a big family.

But, everyone knows #3 truly kicks my butt. I also am very hopeful that it will not be so bad once we're out of the toddler stage.

[Anonymous]

You know, when you have a 2 month old, your other kids have a tendency to act up. Partly because a new baby is a big change and new stressor on the family. And partly because you don't have as much time or energy to stay on top of the other kids and parent them like you used to or pay as much attention to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just to be clear: I don't judge or blame anybody for getting overwhelmed with their children – whether they have one or five!

I started this topic to get some insight on a way of thinking I don't possess (and am trying hard not to side eye), and that is the type of family who are so overwhelmed with their 6 and 8 year olds misbehaving that they "should really call The Supernanny" but are also pushing around a 2 month old in a stroller. I refuse to believe the issues with the older kids arised overnight. Yet the parents decide to try for another instead of solving the problems they already have at hand?

That's the thing I'm trying to understand. Some responses so far have been quite helpful with that. Some have misunderstood my question to mean "why do people have multiple kids without foreseeing that there will be more stress" though, which I wanted to clarify I didn't intend at all. It's just about the few people who can metaphorically see the edge of a cliff and willingly take the step that will take them over it.

You and I must know the same family. She even told me she had given up on her two oldest because their behavior was horrendous. When she became pregnant, no one could believe it. She was so stressed with two ill-behaved boys, why have another. For her, though, she thinks it's prestigious to have three or more because people will think she has money. I feel sorry for the husband as I know he did not want the third child, she just pushed him around to get what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Because you can't fix stupid!!!

[Anonymous]

condoms break, pills get missed, people don't use birth control,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the title says. So many parents are overwhelmed with their kids but keep having more. Some even admit they don't enjoy being parents. Then why don't they quit after one? Having two in the (misguided) hopes of giving them a playmate to take the pressure off, I can understand. But why go on to make a third, when even two are too much to handle? I just don't get it. Can anybody enlighten me?

You don't get overwhelmed until they are already here. No returns, no money back.

[Anonymous]

Echoing everyone else here as follows:

1. You don't know if you're going to get an easy baby.
2. You want a larger family and think providing more siblings is good for your existing children.
3. You want to have more kids when you are older and they are adults.
4. A stressful few years for you seems like nothing compared to a giving life to a person and expanding your family.
5. Kids need to roll with the punches and nothing teaches them about life and social skills better than siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. You don't know if you're going to get an easy baby.

Basically after having two difficult babies you gamble that the third one will be the easy one?

[Anonymous]

Because people don't learn from their mistakes.

[Anonymous]

But if you end in this situation please do not take your herd to the zoo and not supervise them...