Do you let your teen/preteen keep their phone in their bedroom at night?
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Anonymous
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If not, what is the reason?
My 13 y.o. DS is not happy about not having his phone at night. He was allowed to have it before, but that was a mistake on my part. I want his phone charging in the kitchen at night, but he gives me a hard time about it. Asks for a reason, tells me he needs it for alarm clock, etc. I really want to stick with the no phone at night routine, but I realize I made it complicated at the beginning when I let him have it. How do I turn it around? |
Anonymous
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13 ... no
17... Yes |
Anonymous
Basically no way. It gets plugged in downstairs every night so he gets a break from it and also so he can't stay up all night doing stuff on it and so I can look if I want. You should just say it's a hard and fast rule and no way will you agree. (kids are 11 and 14). I don't think I'll ever be ok with it, but recognize that later in high school I might not be able to control it all 
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Anonymous
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10 - no and he has to ask me every time he wants it to use it during the day
12 - no and he needs to ask me when he wants to use it for e.g. listening to music rather than just sending a quick text to a friend or checking emails |
Anonymous
| You say no and you keep it plugged in YOUR room. The clever ones will sneak down at night after you are asleep to get it. They truly need adequate sleep at this age and failure to get it can affect their school work but can also make them depressed. Basically be the parent. You are running a benevolent dictatorship not a democracy. |
Anonymous
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As to how to go about changing the rule, how have you handled that on the past OP?
Mine don't have phones yet, but I have had to rethink some parenting choices. I am honest with them and say something like "listen, after giving this more thought I have decided...I changed my mind because.... This is not up for negotiation." it sounds like yours knows he can talk you into changing your mind so you are going to have to brace yourself and maybe tell him that he can either accept the new rule and keep the phone or he can attempt to negotiate and have the phone taken away completely. |
Anonymous
| DD13- yes. However, she knows that if there start to be signs that she is overly tired and not getting enough sleep, one of the things we will do first is look together at how phone usage might be impacting that, and make any necessary changes, because health and obligations such as school have to come first. |
Anonymous
| 14 year DS old and yes. He like to sleep with his bedroom door open, so we know when he goes to sleep. And we just haven't had a problem with phone use, especially at night. If we did, we'd change the rules. But until there is an issue... |
Anonymous
Of course you can! Simply keep the phone charging in your dresser drawer at night. You will know right away if they try to sneak it away. And, I personally will be doing that with my kids until they move out of my house. I'd do it with my husband, too, if he wouldn't totally hate me for it. |
Anonymous
It sounds like you might be struggling yourself a little bit with understanding why this is a bad thing. Just do some googling about adult phone use in the bedroom/at night/while trying to fall asleep. Many sleep experts have spoken out about how damaging this is for your sleep. And, there is simply no case to make that your 13 year old needs to learn how to manage it or would somehow benefit from it. The truth is that ALL of us seem to have trouble disciplining ourselves these days when it comes to phone use, and kids are notoriously worse than adults when it comes to self control. Even if they are not doing anything inappropriate with their phone, it is just way too tempting to have it there. Looking at it for 30 minutes turns into looking for an hour...or 2 or 3, with no parent hanging over their head so it's easy to start looking at things that are probably not good for them or just spending way too much time in general web surfing/ texting/ playing games. None of these are healthy night time activities. Anyway, you don't really HAVE to give a detailed reason. I disagree that there is anything complicated about it -- you are feeling mommy guilt and you just need to stop it right now. Simply be firm and refuse to negotiate. Let DS know this is how things will be done from now on because you don't want him to develop bad habits at such a young age. Buy him a $10 alarm clock from the grocery store, which will suffice to wake him up on time. Then pick a time (the earlier the better, quite frankly) that the phone "goes to bed" and at that time it gets plugged in next to your bed. Pick a time in the morning that he can retrieve it. Help him think about some calm nighttime activities he can do in his bedroom; ideally ones that do not involve electronics at all. Great chance to read a book or maybe write a card to his grandparents, say night prayers, draw a picture. Though for some kids it's best not to start that conversation (about things they can do instead) because it gives them more opportunity to whine and debate with you - so obviously use your discretion here. Even if he lays in bed bored out of his skull for 30 minutes, it's 1,000 times better for him than being on his phone. You can do this. |
Anonymous
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I have recently begun allowing my 13 year old to sleep with her phone in her room on nights where there is no school the next day, because she wants to listen to music that's on her phone to fall asleep. I've told her she'll lose that privilege if there's any arguing about putting the phone in the charging station in the kitchen on school nights.
I fully expect that by 16 or 17, she'll need to be managing her bedtimes and pre-bedtime activities because by 17/18 she's going to be away at college. I don't want her to go from fully-parent-controlled to anything-goes. Because we've been doing this, it has also been safe for her to say she does notice she stays up later when the phone's in her room, because she'll occasionally forget to turn off notifications and feel drawn to a late-night text. She knows I'm not taking away the privilege for that, so it's safe to talk about and consider ways to manage that sort of thing. |
Anonymous
| My 15 year old son has no phone in his room at night but he does have a small traditional radio and he will listen to baseball games some nights as he falls asleep. |
Anonymous
| The kids are allowed no electronic devices in their rooms overnight. Everything charges at the charging station. |
Anonymous
| NOPE. And I don't keep mine in my bedroom either. |
Anonymous
OP, I'm not sure why this is so hard. You say "Mom made a mistake. It happens. Sorry, new rule." |