Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day

[Anonymous]

We had a nice day planned --sleep in, go to farmers market, garden store, evening glass of wine out by the fire pit.

Instead I wake up to a text tone. My mother, whose number I blocked years ago, got a new number so she could wake me on mother's day with a stream of self-absorbed nonsense. Since I was up I checked my email. Her address is blocked but sure enough she'd figured it out and sent an absolutely insane and aggressive email -- also Mother's Day morning.

Although I ordinarily don't respond when she finds a way through to me on line I broke down and responded to her text, telling her to leave me alone.

That was a mistake. She then copied and pasted my text into a group text with her younger sister and two of her friends, prefacing it with "look at the lovely response XX gave to my Mother's Day message." And they proceeded to "lecture" me by text and complain about me to each other. I was in the shower when she started the group text. By the time i got out there were over 20 messages on the chain.

When we left the house she was waiting there to ambush me and demanded to be let in. I said no and we all got in the car. My daughter was really upset -- my mother's erratic and irresponsible behavior with her was one of the straws that broke the camel's back. I was on edge when we were out and we actually had to ask a child-free friend to check whether the coast was clear so we could come home.

Even though she had ruined another Mother's Day a few years back- sending me a barrage of texts warning that if I let my child go to sleepaway camp she would be psychiatrically damaged, that I was destroying the child's soul by not raising her religious, and that she was the best mother ever and I am too stupid to understand that -- I didn't expect her to start up again yesterday.

I'm not a big one for holidays-- I don't like to receive gifts or cards or have a party thrown for me --but I do like to plan a pleasant day.

I'm at peace with the fact that a terrible person raised me and that I'll never have a mother to trust or confide in or rely on. My expectations are really simple: have the space and privacy to enjoy a normal day with my family-- of which my mother is not a member in any sense other than genetically.

It's weird that this is too much to ask.

I'm already thinking that next year we should go out of town. Although it's a pain in the butt I might have to change cell numbers too.

[Anonymous]

I'm so, so sorry. There's a narcissist in my extended family and this sounds like (our limited) interactions with her. Good for you for shielding your DD.

[Anonymous]

Jesus!!!

You should be awarded saint good for dealing with that level of crazy. Can you move? File a restraining order? That sounds incredibly dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus!!!

You should be awarded saint good for dealing with that level of crazy. Can you move? File a restraining order? That sounds incredibly dangerous.

I was also thinking restraining order.

OP, for people like this, any time you respond it will just reinforce the crazy--I'd think about looking into a restraining order so that she at least can't come on your property and confront you in front of your kids.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Why did you text her back? Simply re-block and move on.

[Anonymous]

Block all who beat you up via text.

Restraining order?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP.
Is it possible to file a restraining order without any evidence of physically aggressive behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a nice day planned --sleep in, go to farmers market, garden store, evening glass of wine out by the fire pit.

Instead I wake up to a text tone. My mother, whose number I blocked years ago, got a new number so she could wake me on mother's day with a stream of self-absorbed nonsense. Since I was up I checked my email. Her address is blocked but sure enough she'd figured it out and sent an absolutely insane and aggressive email -- also Mother's Day morning.

Although I ordinarily don't respond when she finds a way through to me on line I broke down and responded to her text, telling her to leave me alone.

That was a mistake. She then copied and pasted my text into a group text with her younger sister and two of her friends, prefacing it with "look at the lovely response XX gave to my Mother's Day message." And they proceeded to "lecture" me by text and complain about me to each other. I was in the shower when she started the group text. By the time i got out there were over 20 messages on the chain.

When we left the house she was waiting there to ambush me and demanded to be let in. I said no and we all got in the car. My daughter was really upset -- my mother's erratic and irresponsible behavior with her was one of the straws that broke the camel's back. I was on edge when we were out and we actually had to ask a child-free friend to check whether the coast was clear so we could come home.

Even though she had ruined another Mother's Day a few years back- sending me a barrage of texts warning that if I let my child go to sleepaway camp she would be psychiatrically damaged, that I was destroying the child's soul by not raising her religious, and that she was the best mother ever and I am too stupid to understand that -- I didn't expect her to start up again yesterday.

I'm not a big one for holidays-- I don't like to receive gifts or cards or have a party thrown for me --but I do like to plan a pleasant day.

I'm at peace with the fact that a terrible person raised me and that I'll never have a mother to trust or confide in or rely on. My expectations are really simple: have the space and privacy to enjoy a normal day with my family-- of which my mother is not a member in any sense other than genetically.

It's weird that this is too much to ask.

I'm already thinking that next year we should go out of town. Although it's a pain in the butt I might have to change cell numbers too.

I am so sorry. My Mom was like that. Call the police if she shows upat your house again

[Anonymous]

Block her completely, and your other abusive texting family members. If she shows up again, call the police. She sounds like a nightmare. Sorry you are dealing with this.

[Anonymous]

OP: Just thought I'd share my mother's day text drama.

My mom sent my 6-yr old a birthday card with my biological dad's obituary in it. I already knew he died (I do not know him/ my family tells me little facts about him as they find them out).

I proceeded to ignore it, tell my DH that son can't open mail from her ever again.

On Mother's day, she texts me that I'm ungrateful for not thanking her for the card (we've been estranged for about 6 years; I cut her out completely when I was expecting #1.).

I deleted them all but I remember her calling me a fraud.

Well, I"m a well-paid policy expert in DC, but maybe I am a fraud.
You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, op. My mil is nutty and my dh just takes it like a beaten dog. I'm sorry you have to deal with this and I'm proud of you for breaking the cycle and protecting your dd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Just thought I'd share my mother's day text drama.

My mom sent my 6-yr old a birthday card with my biological dad's obituary in it. I already knew he died (I do not know him/ my family tells me little facts about him as they find them out).

I proceeded to ignore it, tell my DH that son can't open mail from her ever again.

On Mother's day, she texts me that I'm ungrateful for not thanking her for the card (we've been estranged for about 6 years; I cut her out completely when I was expecting #1.).

I deleted them all but I remember her calling me a fraud.

Well, I"m a well-paid policy expert in DC, but maybe I am a fraud.
You are not alone.

+ 1 I'm actually relieved to read I am not the only one. Never respond. People like this are like Kudzu -- give them a toehold and they will be all over you.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like my mom too, OP. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the solidarity. To be clear, I have had her blocked for years. She got a new number, woke me up, and freaked me out. I got in the shower before blocking that new number, which is now blocked.

Make no mistake, though. All someone has to do is get a new number if they want to get through to you.

After years with this person harassing me I shouldn't have responded. It gets exhausting to have to look around corners.

We've considered a restraining order but this contact is intermittent and she hasn't threatened us.

My cell phone number is associated with a million things from school emergency contact sheet to credit cards and business cards or I'd change it.

Today is a better day. We had to talk to my daughter yesterday about safety and never getting in someone's car. She's had that talk before but it seemed more pressing now.

Phone line is quiet and email block is set.

On another note, sometimes I follow DCUM threads about abusive mothers and I see so much negativity. Those victim blaming and "suck it up and grow up" posts look so much like my own parents' gaslighting that I was hesitant to even post this vent.

Thanks for not doing that. I'm an adult with a good life. It's just challenging to know she's going to bust down our firewall every so often. I don't even know what it would be like to have a mother to care about or even as a neutral and distant party. Mine has always been a threat like hurricane season or mosquitoes. There's no accommodating it-- just protective measures.

Considering that i have no parental figures and had to come up with a plan for marriage and parenthood with no role models I think I get by pretty well. I also know that you have to be a functional orphan to know what it's like to build these things from scratch.

Again, it's worked out ok. People with parents like mine tend to fall into one of three categories: broken and helpless; broken and aggressive (the gas lighters) or pathologically efficient and unstoppable. I tend to be in the last category, though at the moment I texted back I was on high alert, scared as hell the hurricane was about to hit.

[Anonymous]

OP My MIL was like this. She even broke into my house once! She was always stalking me, and of course DH did not see anything wrong with that -- the things she did were so outrageous that he did not really believe me It is screwed up that you have to make plans to get away from people, but thats how it is sometimes. We planned getaways for all Holidays. I remember having gloomy Christmas and then, so sorry! had to take the babies to the doctor. He was Jewish and we had a nice chat for Christmas after all.