I hate my mother

[Anonymous]

Title pretty much sums it up. I'm 27 and I honestly hate my mother and am to the point of cutting her out of my life completely. She had me when she was 19 and she struggled for a couple years, married my step dad when I was 7 and now lives her dream life of having everything she wants. She was nasty to me growing up, very physically and emotionally abusive. It got worse when I was 13 and she had my younger sister. She would constantly call me names and put me down, throw things at me, hit me, etc. I just really started to hate her at that age and I never got over it. Now that I'm 27, I feel the same. I have a lot of hatred towards her for the way she treated me growing up and the things she would do to me. I don't even remember the last time her and I
Hugged or she told me she loved me. It's been at least 3-5 years. She treats my younger siblings (14 and 13) like they are her start over children. My sister wanted to go to the public high school next year (she's been in Montessori schools since pre school) and my mother literally said "no, you don't want to turn out like your sister.". I went to two years of community college but that's it however, I'm in a great career now making great money but it's still not good enough for her.

I live in a townhouse right now and will be moving out of state at the end of August. My lease is up in 3 weeks and my dad told me it was ok for me to just move home for 3 months before I leave. An hour ago, my mom called me telling me "you aren't moving in here, we don't get along so figure something out". That was pretty much just it for me. I've tried to have some sort of a relationship with her for the sake of my siblings but I'm done trying. My boyfriend and I are talking about getting engaged soon and I wouldn't want my mother at my wedding, it's that bad.

I don't really know what I'm looking to get out of this post but just needed to get it all off my chest.

[Anonymous]

I am very sorry for your childhood and adolescence. I hope you can find peace and calm in your life. You are good and lovable. (((Hug))) take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I think it is fundamentally healthy for you to just admit it. It would be worse if you were on the hook for the rest of your life, trying for approval that isn't coming. She is a terrible disappointment and I am sorry you have had to go through this. She's failed you and you can't wait around forever for her to be a wiser, kinder or better person. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Sounds awful OP. You are fully justified to cut her off, she is toxic. Go on and try to build a healthy family of your own.

[Anonymous]

If it weren't for your siblings, I would say completely cut her out of your life. She's toxic to you. I would work on strengthening your relationship with the siblings, because it's very likely things with your mom will crumble. You want to maintain a connection with them.

Expect nothing from your mother. It will only lead to dissappointment.

Let go of all your resentment towards her. You never had and never will have the mother you deserve. It sucks. I want to punch your mom for you on that. But there is nothing you can do to change that and you can't let it damage you any more than it has.

Make a promise to yourself that you will be better. You will break the cycle. Find maternal role models from another source. Appreciate the love that is in your life in other ways (like your boyfriend).

I'm sorry, OP. It's amazing to me how much power individual people can have over the lives of others. And some people just fucking suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title pretty much sums it up. I'm 27 and I honestly hate my mother and am to the point of cutting her out of my life completely. She had me when she was 19 and she struggled for a couple years, married my step dad when I was 7 and now lives her dream life of having everything she wants. She was nasty to me growing up, very physically and emotionally abusive. It got worse when I was 13 and she had my younger sister. She would constantly call me names and put me down, throw things at me, hit me, etc. I just really started to hate her at that age and I never got over it. Now that I'm 27, I feel the same. I have a lot of hatred towards her for the way she treated me growing up and the things she would do to me. I don't even remember the last time her and I
Hugged or she told me she loved me. It's been at least 3-5 years. She treats my younger siblings (14 and 13) like they are her start over children. My sister wanted to go to the public high school next year (she's been in Montessori schools since pre school) and my mother literally said "no, you don't want to turn out like your sister.". I went to two years of community college but that's it however, I'm in a great career now making great money but it's still not good enough for her.

I live in a townhouse right now and will be moving out of state at the end of August. My lease is up in 3 weeks and my dad told me it was ok for me to just move home for 3 months before I leave. An hour ago, my mom called me telling me "you aren't moving in here, we don't get along so figure something out". That was pretty much just it for me. I've tried to have some sort of a relationship with her for the sake of my siblings but I'm done trying. My boyfriend and I are talking about getting engaged soon and I wouldn't want my mother at my wedding, it's that bad.

I don't really know what I'm looking to get out of this post but just needed to get it all off my chest.

You wanted to move in with your dad?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are coming to terms with it. Move on and don't look back. I disagree with staying in touch with any of them. Make a clean break for a few years, you will never want to go back. freedom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Title pretty much sums it up. I'm 27 and I honestly hate my mother and am to the point of cutting her out of my life completely. She had me when she was 19 and she struggled for a couple years, married my step dad when I was 7 and now lives her dream life of having everything she wants. She was nasty to me growing up, very physically and emotionally abusive. It got worse when I was 13 and she had my younger sister. She would constantly call me names and put me down, throw things at me, hit me, etc. I just really started to hate her at that age and I never got over it. Now that I'm 27, I feel the same. I have a lot of hatred towards her for the way she treated me growing up and the things she would do to me. I don't even remember the last time her and I
Hugged or she told me she loved me. It's been at least 3-5 years. She treats my younger siblings (14 and 13) like they are her start over children. My sister wanted to go to the public high school next year (she's been in Montessori schools since pre school) and my mother literally said "no, you don't want to turn out like your sister.". I went to two years of community college but that's it however, I'm in a great career now making great money but it's still not good enough for her.

I live in a townhouse right now and will be moving out of state at the end of August. My lease is up in 3 weeks and my dad told me it was ok for me to just move home for 3 months before I leave. An hour ago, my mom called me telling me "you aren't moving in here, we don't get along so figure something out". That was pretty much just it for me. I've tried to have some sort of a relationship with her for the sake of my siblings but I'm done trying. My boyfriend and I are talking about getting engaged soon and I wouldn't want my mother at my wedding, it's that bad.

I don't really know what I'm looking to get out of this post but just needed to get it all off my chest.

You wanted to move in with your dad?

Op here- no, my step dad. I call him "dad" and never call him my step dad.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP.

I have gone through a period of hating my mother as well, when I had done nothing wrong, was desperately in need of help and she turned me out of the house.

My husband persuaded me to keep very distant contact and never completely cut her off, and I am relieved I took his advice. There were years when we did not see each other at all. I kept in touch mostly for the sake of my father. I accept that my mother is untrustworthy and will do anything, including sabotaging her own and my father's health, to draw attention to herself.

So take all the space and time you need with your mother. In the fullness of time, you two might reconnect. If it doesn't happen, it will be her loss.
Be a wonderful example to your sisters. Contact them and your father privately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it weren't for your siblings, I would say completely cut her out of your life. She's toxic to you. I would work on strengthening your relationship with the siblings, because it's very likely things with your mom will crumble. You want to maintain a connection with them.

Expect nothing from your mother. It will only lead to dissappointment.

Let go of all your resentment towards her. You never had and never will have the mother you deserve. It sucks. I want to punch your mom for you on that. But there is nothing you can do to change that and you can't let it damage you any more than it has.

Make a promise to yourself that you will be better. You will break the cycle. Find maternal role models from another source. Appreciate the love that is in your life in other ways (like your boyfriend).

I'm sorry, OP. It's amazing to me how much power individual people can have over the lives of others. And some people just fucking suck.

Op here- thank you. I've tried to have somewhat of a relationship with her for my siblings sake but I'm just to my breaking point. I'm pretty close with my siblings even though they are so much younger then me. I just cannot continue to have her in my life. I go see a therapist weekly and I've talked to him about my relationship with my mother and even he thinks it would be best to cut ties. I already know that when I have my own children, I want to be nothing like her. Luckily my boyfriend is amazing and supports me 100% on what I decide to do as he sees the way she treats me.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand how you feel. I have cut my mom off. If you have anger and negative emotions about your relationship, show yourself love, do what is best for you. She is not capable of loving you the way you need to be loved. Her abuse and rejection of you is a reflection on what a mess she is inside. She is not going to change, she sees no need to change and she feels rewarded, in a sad, sick way, by treating you terribly. You deserve to be loved, you deserve a happy life. You deserve a successful career. Don't let her or her actions take away from your happiness. She has clearly demonstrated she is not capable of being a mother to you, go forth not expecting anything from her and you won't be disappointed. Hold your head high, move onward and upward. All the best to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds awful OP. You are fully justified to cut her off, she is toxic. Go on and try to build a healthy family of your own.

+1 That's what I did. We made peace, eventually, but I did not sit around waiting for her approval or wasting my energy. It's okay to grieve having been dealt a bad mother hand, it really does suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand how you feel. I have cut my mom off. If you have anger and negative emotions about your relationship, show yourself love, do what is best for you. She is not capable of loving you the way you need to be loved. Her abuse and rejection of you is a reflection on what a mess she is inside. She is not going to change, she sees no need to change and she feels rewarded, in a sad, sick way, by treating you terribly. You deserve to be loved, you deserve a happy life. You deserve a successful career. Don't let her or her actions take away from your happiness. She has clearly demonstrated she is not capable of being a mother to you, go forth not expecting anything from her and you won't be disappointed. Hold your head high, move onward and upward. All the best to you.

Op here- thank you so much for your kind words. I've tried to change our relationship for about 4 years now but I'm just done. I truly do hate her which is awful to say but her actions have caused me to feel this way. She is a very manipulative person and is good at playing both sides. One day she will be calling me trying to chat and tell me about her new haircut, etc. and I think things are fine and then the next day, she's calling me to yell at me about something.

Today was 100% my breaking point. I feel bad because I know this will change my relationship with my siblings but I have to focus on myself. I'll be moving 4+ hours away in 3 months and I think that will be a good way for me to start focusing on moving on from her physical and emotional abuse.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked with a therapist? If not, please do; would help you frame things/ take care of/heal yourself.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for what you've been through.

You are a strong person and you'll have a wonderful life.