The amount of people living subsidized by their parents is astounding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for those lucky kids. You should use every opportunity in life. My friend received $500k yes $500k as a down payment when they bought their $800k home. His dad actually wanted to buy the house cash for them, but my friend said he wanted to be independent for a bit lol. Now they get $2000 monthly stipend from his parents.

When they say there are 2 Americas the haves and have nots it's true

I come from a poor family, but I absolutely support wealthy parents who subsidize their kids. It's their money. When you have children they become your priority not society at large. So hook your kids up first and if you have crumbs left you can help the rest.

Hint: Many of those wealthy people are also very generous with "helping the rest" as well, thru charitable donations

But yes, who wouldn't want to help their own kids and grandkids if you can

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I fall into the category of people who received money from family. I have received about 60k from a trust I got access to at 25 (I’m 28). It’s my grandfathers money. He also footed the bill for my private education. Wife and I make about 250k combined. The crazy high costs of the city make it feel inconsequential. We save aggressively but private school and home ownership still feel far off. We are expecting kid number 1 in October.

Sounds like you will use up all the money and your own kids will be SOL.

About right?

I just don’t get the point of money that barely lasts two generations and you aren’t motivated to bust your ass to build a nest egg for your kids or grandkids.

Ummm, 60K is not something that is lasting 2 generations. But that 60K should be consequential....It should be a good start to a down payment, and not having student loans should allow you to save save save and get the rest, before having a kid. Unless you are living in NYC or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I happen to know who in my circle is supported financially by their parents. They are not shy about sharing this information. But once they share it, I am now aware that everything they do is only possible because of their parent’s hard work & business acumen — not their own.

It does change my perception of them, I can’t lie. It’s an American thing. We value self made people. Whether you like it or not, those people will always be respected more.

A) You only know about the ones that tell you

B) The wealth isn’t necessarily from hard work and acumen

C) America is as built on nepotism and inherited wealth as most other countries, don’t delude yourself

I actually disagree. I think America was built on the backs of laborers and working class.

Yet you have a problem with those people succeeding, acquiring some amount of wealth, and passing any money to their descendants.

I don’t have a problem with it. But let’s not act like those who receive monthly allowances or inheritances “achieved” something. They did not. The only irksome thing is individuals who like to convey they are successful, but they haven’t done anything.

However, most people I know like this have done something. Everyone I know is on a successful career path and doing well on their own. The $$ from family is just a nice supplement. Most are living just very similar to their peers, but instead of spending $1500 for rent, they might be spending $1800-2K. They are not renting a $3K+ place. And they might drive a newer car, but we are talking about Honda/Toyota, not a high end BMW. Most are saving, not overspending

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for those lucky kids. You should use every opportunity in life. My friend received $500k yes $500k as a down payment when they bought their $800k home. His dad actually wanted to buy the house cash for them, but my friend said he wanted to be independent for a bit lol. Now they get $2000 monthly stipend from his parents.

When they say there are 2 Americas the haves and have nots it's true

I come from a poor family, but I absolutely support wealthy parents who subsidize their kids. It's their money. When you have children they become your priority not society at large. So hook your kids up first and if you have crumbs left you can help the rest.

+1. Same, grew up poor and don’t begrudge at all people with money helping their kids out now. Better than giving it to them when they die.

I don’t get people on here who begrudge that or resent that. Play the cards you are dealt in life, improve your circumstances, and then maybe you can pass some money down to your kids.

This 1000%!

I grew up poor/LMC. I knew education was the key to getting out of that cycle. I double majored in Music and CS/Engineering. I had the talent to "succeed in Music" but I choose CS/Engineering because I was good at that, liked it and I wanted a secure career that would pay well. And choose to do Music on the side. I didn't want to struggle with paying bills, when I could do something I love and be well paid. So sometimes it is about choices. If you want to be a Social Worker, that is awesome, but you have to choose a lifestyle that supports it. And it starts with attending State University or a private that gives you excellent merit---you don't want $40K+ in loans with a job that doesn't pay extremely well. So choose what you want for a career, but be financially savvy. And live a life you can support with that choice.

You can always choose to do something to better your situation. And often that starts with NOT putting yourself into massive debt for college. State schools are $35K for most, my state has 2 excellent ones that are only $30K. If you work summers and breaks and a 10 hour/week PT job in college, you can earn $10-15K yourself each year. Take the $5K federal loans each year and that leaves $10-15 K for your parents to assist with. If they cannot help, then do Dual entry in HS and get your AA for free. Then you have only 2-3Years at college. Or do CC and transfer to a 4 year.
Or find a school that will give you great merit and bring the total costs even lower. It's possible, you just have to go 1-2 tiers below your "reach" schools. But you will thank yourself when you graduate with minimal debt

[Anonymous]

The amount of cope in this thread from rich folks refusing to acknowledge that they were given a HUGE head start and continue to receive incredibly and fundamentally unfair advantages is pathetic. (And/or that their kids are receiving a huge head start and unfair advantages.)

Desperate pushback because deep down most of them know they are actually nothing special and wouldn’t have nearly the “success” they currently enjoy if the playing field were level…

[Anonymous]

DCUM is the ultimate forum of contradictions. It's two factions of

"I lived on beans for a decade and moved back home and was a hard worker to buy my home, so you can too and stop complaining about daycare cost"

vs.

"How dare you even suggest that it is unsettling that there are adult children who still get $30K a year from parents"

And PS folks: the people OP are talking about are not moving in with their parents to save money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for those lucky kids. You should use every opportunity in life. My friend received $500k yes $500k as a down payment when they bought their $800k home. His dad actually wanted to buy the house cash for them, but my friend said he wanted to be independent for a bit lol. Now they get $2000 monthly stipend from his parents.

When they say there are 2 Americas the haves and have nots it's true

I come from a poor family, but I absolutely support wealthy parents who subsidize their kids. It's their money. When you have children they become your priority not society at large. So hook your kids up first and if you have crumbs left you can help the rest.

+1. Same, grew up poor and don’t begrudge at all people with money helping their kids out now. Better than giving it to them when they die.

I don’t get people on here who begrudge that or resent that. Play the cards you are dealt in life, improve your circumstances, and then maybe you can pass some money down to your kids.

Generational wealth is beyond playing the cards you’re dealt. It’s playing the cards you’re dealt while being able to bully the table because you got to start with your parents’ winnings while your opponents start with only their own meager buy-in.

If you’ve ever played poker you’d understand that at some point it’s impossible for the players without the head start in chips to win unless they are literally dealt unbeatable hands. (Or unless the unfairly advantaged player is uniquely terrible at poker.)

The way our society functions is a zero sum game. Resources are finite, and it is disingenuous to pretend otherwise. (See also: monopolies)

PP here. No you are wrong. Anyone can grow up with nothing and become rich in this country. My parents came over here with nothing. I grew up poor, did well in school, got scholarship to college, etc.. and now have a high

Education is the key to start making money and then learn to invest that money.

Stop playing the victim mentality of its not fair, this guy got a leg up from his parents. Guess what? You will never be happy and feel like you have enough.

What you are doing wrong is always comparing yourself to other people wealthier than you. It’s not a zero sum game that anyone has to “win”. You sound like you are just never satisfied with enough and don’t realize how there are so many people who have much less then you.

Certain things are finite though like spots at a university or houses. Consider a person who starts out with their parents buying their way into school, then they graduate with no student loans, they get a job their parents arrange for them, and then they’re able to buy a house when their parents supply the down payment. That person has a continent advantage at all steps and the things they get are finite resources. In an area like DC the homes and jobs are finite and some have significant advantages which have a negative impact on those without it. Now I don’t believe it makes those with advantages bad people and I envy their position. But to pretend it doesn’t impact others is obtuse.

Oh cry me a river. Why don’t you go and interact with the poor in DC and realize how privilege YOU are.

If you want true equality, then move to Russia. The US is a capitalistic country and will always be that way. There will always be the haves and the have nots and you are one of the haves but are resentful that you don’t have more.

Nothing you said addresses any of the points raised.

[Anonymous]

My primary annoyance, as other have noted, is when people who get this kind of help cosplay as independent and middle class. It's annoying because it creates a false comparison. I can be happy for you that you have a really nice house, even if I can't afford the same, but I don't want to play this game where we pretend that you have a nice house because you are smarter or harder working than me. You have a nicer house because your parents helped you buy a nicer house. That's it.

I have some friends who are both from families that enable their parents to help them out a lot. They both were gifted/inherited the down payments on homes they bought before they met and married. They also both have law degrees but no loans thanks to parental help. That's all fine. What irks me is that now, between the two of them, they own several million in real estate, including two properties they rent out, plus continue to get cash gifts from parents and a lot of money for their kid's education, but because they have "middle class jobs" they like to pretend like they are middle class. They aren't.

Recently one of them made some comment online about how "oh you can tell when people grew up rich because they do XYZ [that she doesn't do]." She's rich! She grew up with wealth. This is not an appropriate thing to say. No, they aren't billionaires, and sure, they work. But they have no money concerns. Their kid's college is already taken care of. If they lost their jobs tomorrow, they have plenty of passive income plus major assets to help them. Plus their parents are still kicking them money regularly. This is the definition of being wealthy, but for some reason they want to pass themselves off as middle class.

This drives me nuts. As an actual middle class person, this is both insulting and obnoxious. Please do not do this. Enjoy your wealth but don't condescend to me like you're just folks. Own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I happen to know who in my circle is supported financially by their parents. They are not shy about sharing this information. But once they share it, I am now aware that everything they do is only possible because of their parent’s hard work & business acumen — not their own.

It does change my perception of them, I can’t lie. It’s an American thing. We value self made people. Whether you like it or not, those people will always be respected more.

A) You only know about the ones that tell you

B) The wealth isn’t necessarily from hard work and acumen

C) America is as built on nepotism and inherited wealth as most other countries, don’t delude yourself

I actually disagree. I think America was built on the backs of laborers and working class.

Yet you have a problem with those people succeeding, acquiring some amount of wealth, and passing any money to their descendants.

I don’t have a problem with it. But let’s not act like those who receive monthly allowances or inheritances “achieved” something. They did not. The only irksome thing is individuals who like to convey they are successful, but they haven’t done anything.

However, most people I know like this have done something. Everyone I know is on a successful career path and doing well on their own. The $$ from family is just a nice supplement. Most are living just very similar to their peers, but instead of spending $1500 for rent, they might be spending $1800-2K. They are not renting a $3K+ place. And they might drive a newer car, but we are talking about Honda/Toyota, not a high end BMW. Most are saving, not overspending

Yeah this is me and pretty much everyone I went to high school with. College and law school were paid for, $500K for my house down payment so my husband and I could afford my mortgage on our the lower salaries we made earlier in our careers. Kids private schools, college, and first house paid for when they were born. My sister is in the same boat. But we have “good” jobs, don’t drive flashy cars (my husband and I share an old Subaru since we don’t drive much), or buy a ton of designer items. We do travel quite a lot. I know a ton of people in the same situation. I do think a lot of people are unaware of how much help a lot of their peers get but I think they would take it if they were in the same situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My primary annoyance, as other have noted, is when people who get this kind of help cosplay as independent and middle class. It's annoying because it creates a false comparison. I can be happy for you that you have a really nice house, even if I can't afford the same, but I don't want to play this game where we pretend that you have a nice house because you are smarter or harder working than me. You have a nicer house because your parents helped you buy a nicer house. That's it.

I have some friends who are both from families that enable their parents to help them out a lot. They both were gifted/inherited the down payments on homes they bought before they met and married. They also both have law degrees but no loans thanks to parental help. That's all fine. What irks me is that now, between the two of them, they own several million in real estate, including two properties they rent out, plus continue to get cash gifts from parents and a lot of money for their kid's education, but because they have "middle class jobs" they like to pretend like they are middle class. They aren't.

Recently one of them made some comment online about how "oh you can tell when people grew up rich because they do XYZ [that she doesn't do]." She's rich! She grew up with wealth. This is not an appropriate thing to say. No, they aren't billionaires, and sure, they work. But they have no money concerns. Their kid's college is already taken care of. If they lost their jobs tomorrow, they have plenty of passive income plus major assets to help them. Plus their parents are still kicking them money regularly. This is the definition of being wealthy, but for some reason they want to pass themselves off as middle class.

This drives me nuts. As an actual middle class person, this is both insulting and obnoxious. Please do not do this. Enjoy your wealth but don't condescend to me like you're just folks. Own it.

Everyone in America thinks they’re middle class when it just keeps shrinking.

[Anonymous]

I am happy that loving and responsible parents are doing a generational wealth transfer to their children at an early age when the adult children actually need it.

Not only you are making your family stronger but by pumping in the generational wealth in the young families of your AC, you are reducing their stress and giving them an early start to build more wealth.

[Anonymous]

What really irks me is when my friends (who work "normal" jobs) give well intentioned but completely unrealistic advice.

My favorite advice is when they were all saying you can't win a house in this environment without going all cash. You can get a mortgage after you win and close with it. I'm like, uh, don't you still have to show proof of funds? And they say with a straight face, yes, you just need to show a bank account with the money in it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What really irks me is when my friends (who work "normal" jobs) give well intentioned but completely unrealistic advice.

My favorite advice is when they were all saying you can't win a house in this environment without going all cash. You can get a mortgage after you win and close with it. I'm like, uh, don't you still have to show proof of funds? And they say with a straight face, yes, you just need to show a bank account with the money in it!

You mean your parents don’t just have $1.5 million in cash lying around? According to this thread you should just stop whining because you’re obviously jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The amount of cope in this thread from rich folks refusing to acknowledge that they were given a HUGE head start and continue to receive incredibly and fundamentally unfair advantages is pathetic. (And/or that their kids are receiving a huge head start and unfair advantages.)

Desperate pushback because deep down most of them know they are actually nothing special and wouldn’t have nearly the “success” they currently enjoy if the playing field were level…

Well, generational wealth is a privilege that you have some control over. We are legal immigrants who came with $200 to US. And in a few decades we are able to give our kids in their 20s - college education, new car, seed money to invest. In their late 20s & early 30s - big fat wedding and down payment to house. Annually - the maximum tax-free gift that we can give.

But, I am surprised that people on this thread do not recognize their own privilege -
- Being from USA or western countries. Your generations and nations became rich by colonizing and sucking the blood of countries in Asia and Africa.
- Being White and Christian. Yes, this is a racist country and I cannot imagine that a White person has anyone but themselves to blame if they cannot do well with all the perks they get for being White. Also, your legal status opens immense doors for you.
- Being able to speak English. There is a huge segment of society that are excluded because they do not know English.
- 50% of the population does well because they are males in a patriarchal society.
- Having access to the technology and training that allows them to be on DCUM. The infrastructure that every American has.

And here are other privileges that most people on DCUM have.
- Having a family, married parents
- Having college education. Having infrastructure for living a good life.
- No food insecurity. No calorie deficit. A country so rich that many people are overweight.

So, as a non-White, non-Christian female immigrant from an Asian country that was colonized and made poor for centuries by White people, with zero support network in this country, being far away from my family and friends, being excluded from the White Boy's club, no parity in salary at work, facing both the glass and bamboo ceiling - If I am able to be successful and can give all the financial leg-ups to my children and grandchildren then - why don't you?

With all the privileges and opportunities , why a huge %age of White people are -
- Not college educated,
- Not rich,
- Not healthy,
- Without family support,
- Lonely and depressed,
- Without generational wealth and unable to create generational wealth,
- Without intact and loving families,
- Unable to do what is needed to help their adult children not have college debt,
- Unable to help their adult children financially or let them stay with them rent-free?

[Anonymous]

I'm curious how people know that other people have family money. Are you just assuming this because they have lifestyles that seem to be higher than you assume their income to be? I only know one person that I'm pretty sure has family money because he's always talking about his trust fund (although he doesn't actually seem to live above what I assume his income is so I've wondered how big this trust fund actually is). But I don't talk bring up family money or incomes with most people. There are many other ways people could be living these lifestyles besides family money. Not saving anything would be a big one. We'd be able to spend a lot more if we weren't maxing our 401k, HSA, etc. They might also make more than you think. Maybe they got stock options at their company and then the stock went up a lot. Maybe they successfully trade crypto.