My wife refuses to tithe/give to our church

[Anonymous]

To be honest, it's kind of annoying.

She complains about how they're not helping her but have plenty of ability to help dysfunctional people. Today she told me for the 8th or 9th time that she doesn't want us to give anything.

She talks about strong families being important and how it's important for our kids a good religious background will be, etc., but gets annoyed when I talk about giving back to the church (and other charities), either in money or in time (she says we're too busy with a 9 y/o and a 2 y/o). Of course we have the money.

She's also the one who wanted us to join this church! (To be fair, it seems some of the more liberal churches are geared towards the rich, the old, and the single, and frankly don't seem to have much to offer middle-class/regular upper-middle class folks.)

I have been asked to be the preparer of the church bulletin and she gets annoyed when I spend time preparing the bulletin and making copies of said bulletin (maybe 90 minutes max a week).

I don't know where to bring this up w/o throwing her under the bus to other members, so I figure this is a safe place to vent since she doesn't read this page. She is blind so a lot of "get her to do XXX" advice won't really work (although some will).

Yes in theory I can cut a check but it's out of the same pot of money and replace "giving to church without my spouse's consent" with "buying a new XXX without my spouse's consent."

Please pray for me and my family, and that either I can be more at peace with how my wife is, or that some resolution can be found (new church, leaving organized religion altogether, her coming around to my way of thinking, etc.)

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why she would want to be a member of a church but not give anything to support its mission. Even the very poorest people at our church give *something* each Sunday. How does she think the church pays the rent? Would she be more comfortable at a different church?

Surely you each have some discretionary money in your budget that you can spend without each others' permission? I would tell her that this is important to you.

[Anonymous]

Hi, OP... as with many things, we have to let go and let God take care of her heart. You have to give that up to Him. Our nature is to want to control when in reality, it's the Holy Spirit that does the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP... as with many things, we have to let go and let God take care of her heart. You have to give that up to Him. Our nature is to want to control when in reality, it's the Holy Spirit that does the work.

Fair enough.

16:23, she has asked me specifically not to give money to the church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP... as with many things, we have to let go and let God take care of her heart. You have to give that up to Him. Our nature is to want to control when in reality, it's the Holy Spirit that does the work.

Fair enough.

16:23, she has asked me specifically not to give money to the church.

I still don't understand why not. Are you allowed to spend any money without her permission? What is her reasoning behind forbidding you to give to your church? I don't see why she would want to attend at all if she was not comfortable supporting it.

Sounds like it might be a marriage/communication/control problem, not a church problem.

[Anonymous]

I'd try to ask her to share more about her feelings on this issue. She's had some experience you don't yet know about.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she's not a fan of this church. She's blind, they're not helping her though they help dysfunctional people.

Does she feel they should be helping her? I mean, not to point out the obvious, but being blind is super hard, and raising kids while being blind is even harder.

I'd talk to her and ask if she'd like to explore other churches since it seems this church isn't doing it for her.

[Anonymous]

No way would I tithe! Ten percent is absurd.

[Anonymous]

She's cheap. Sorry, but that's how it sounds.

[Anonymous]

We just began fully tithing a month ago and man we've been blessed! It's unreal. A week after, we got a check from a company who previously refused to pay us the money they owed us. Tithing is not quid pro quo of course, but you give to God and He will surely provide for you. Just keep praying for her heart to soften.

[Anonymous]

Tell that cheap woman there is no free ride to heaven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell that cheap woman there is no free ride to heaven.

Actually there is: "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23.

Giving to church comes out of a grateful heart toward the Lord Jesus, who died for our sins when we didn't deserve it. But you can't give money or do anything else to earn your trip to Heaven. It's a free gift from God to those who believe in Christ as their Savior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell that cheap woman there is no free ride to heaven.

I thought all you had to do was accept Jesus into your heart as your Saviour. Wasn't the point of Protestant Reformation that people were attempting to buy their way into Heaven?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell that cheap woman there is no free ride to heaven.

I thought all you had to do was accept Jesus into your heart as your Saviour. Wasn't the point of Protestant Reformation that people were attempting to buy their way into Heaven?

Yes, that's true: "For by grace are you saved through faith -- it is the gift of God -- not of works, lest any man should boast." Ephesians 2:8-9.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just began fully tithing a month ago and man we've been blessed! It's unreal. A week after, we got a check from a company who previously refused to pay us the money they owed us. Tithing is not quid pro quo of course, but you give to God and He will surely provide for you. Just keep praying for her heart to soften.

This is a joke, right?