Awkward - should I have cancelled?

[Anonymous]

DH had mentioned weeks ago about his sister maybe coming in to town to see a band, and then it never came up again so I assumed it wasn't going to happen. In the meantime, we made plans with several different friends this weekend (some have been cancelled and rescheduled multiple times). And then Thursday SIL calls and says she's coming this weekend. I don't know if she made firm plans with DH and he forgot to tell me or if she was being flaky and didn't finalize her plans. DH was just like "oh I didn't remember if/when/whatever". Anyway - is it rude of me to keep all of our weekend plans and not include her? We're either going to someone's house or already have restaurant reservations so I can't just add her. I feel so awkward but I don't think it's my fault because I had no idea she was coming until yesterday!! She's lucky we did laundry earlier this week because otherwise stuff would still be dirty from my ILs last visit (which I also only had a weeks notice of....gr). My family is far away so we almost always have advance notice unless there's someone coming for a last minute business trip. I'm just so annoyed by all this, it puts me in a weird position and esp when the in laws are in town, unable to make other plans or go run errands without seeming rude.

[Anonymous]

SIL is staying at your house?

The secret to relationship is to accept that sometime you'll be perceived as the bad guy. This is on your husband and his sister. Unfortunately, as the woman half of the couple, some people will expect you to manage the schedule and be aware of things that nobody told you about (!), but these are impossible expectations.

So keep your plans, and if you can call your friends and ask whether you can bring her as well, more power to you!

[Anonymous]

Op here. I told SIL when she got here that I'm really sorry I had no idea she was coming so we made all these plans that we can't cancel and she seemed ok with it but I feel bad for leaving her all alone. And I can't call friends I haven't seen in six months and ask if she can come too. It would totally change the dynamic (she talks too much) and it would be rude to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I told SIL when she got here that I'm really sorry I had no idea she was coming so we made all these plans that we can't cancel and she seemed ok with it but I feel bad for leaving her all alone. And I can't call friends I haven't seen in six months and ask if she can come too. It would totally change the dynamic (she talks too much) and it would be rude to them.

I've seen guests call the host to invite extra people to parties, even when they hadn't seen each other for ages, etc... but if you're uncomfortable doing that, fine.

Anyway, you don't need to put yourself out.

[Anonymous]

My SIL would totally be fine with this, as would I.

[Anonymous]

Of course you should not have cancelled anything, or cancel now. Do what you planned- she either didn't confirm, or your husband didn't tell you she confirmed. That's on them. See your friends.

[Anonymous]

If your plans are to go to someone's house for a party, you call and say you can't go because you now have an unexpected house guest. Hopefully they say you can bring her. It's tough if it's a smaller gathering.

Did you try to get a bigger table at the restaurant? That excuse is kind of lame, otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your plans are to go to someone's house for a party, you call and say you can't go because you now have an unexpected house guest. Hopefully they say you can bring her. It's tough if it's a smaller gathering.

Did you try to get a bigger table at the restaurant? That excuse is kind of lame, otherwise.

Or she can say, "sorry Dh, you and your sister can stay home and bond while you learn how to use calendars and program my phone number in your phones so you can call or text me when you two plan things next time. I'll be out with friends. Have fun, I know I will "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your plans are to go to someone's house for a party, you call and say you can't go because you now have an unexpected house guest. Hopefully they say you can bring her. It's tough if it's a smaller gathering.

Did you try to get a bigger table at the restaurant? That excuse is kind of lame, otherwise.

I'm the PP before you, and there is no way I would 1) call my friend and cancel my own plan, 2) ask if an uninvited outsider can be included, because that is RUDE last-minute, or 3) not show. I would do my own thing, and her brother can deal with anything she needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your plans are to go to someone's house for a party, you call and say you can't go because you now have an unexpected house guest. Hopefully they say you can bring her. It's tough if it's a smaller gathering.

Did you try to get a bigger table at the restaurant? That excuse is kind of lame, otherwise.

Or she can say, "sorry Dh, you and your sister can stay home and bond while you learn how to use calendars and program my phone number in your phones so you can call or text me when you two plan things next time. I'll be out with friends. Have fun, I know I will "

[Anonymous]

You don't have to cancel, but this is all on your DH. He should have confirmed things with his sister and he's responsible for entertaining her/ sorting things out with her.

But I suspect this is really about you wanting to bitch about the SIL you can't stand under the guise of feeling badly for an awkward situation.

" She talks too much"

[Anonymous]

I think the circumstance you describe is fine to continue with your own plans. If you knew SIL was coming and thought "oh good a free babysitter" and then ditched her with the kids so you can go to a movie even though she was only in town one night (yep, I'm the younger sister and that happened to me more than once) then that's rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL would totally be fine with this, as would I.

Me, too. Of course, we don't really consider each other 'guests'. Also, it sounds like your SIL came to see the band, not you guys. Living in this area, we have lots of people who stay at our house and do their own thing. Since expectations are clear, no one is disappointed.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she's in town to see the band and crash at your place. I'm guessing she doesn't really expect to hang out with you the whole time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your plans are to go to someone's house for a party, you call and say you can't go because you now have an unexpected house guest. Hopefully they say you can bring her. It's tough if it's a smaller gathering.

Did you try to get a bigger table at the restaurant? That excuse is kind of lame, otherwise.

For easter brunch? Really??