Awkward - should I have cancelled?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to cancel, but this is all on your DH. He should have confirmed things with his sister and he's responsible for entertaining her/ sorting things out with her.

But I suspect this is really about you wanting to bitch about the SIL you can't stand under the guise of feeling badly for an awkward situation.

" She talks too much"

+1 I feel like OP is just seeking out reasons to be annoyed at SIL but wants to play the "I feel so bad, but..." Card. Don't cancel your plans but perhaps try to spend a little quality time with your SIL? Who knows? You might just enjoy it. Sigh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH had mentioned weeks ago about his sister maybe coming in to town to see a band, and then it never came up again so I assumed it wasn't going to happen. In the meantime, we made plans with several different friends this weekend (some have been cancelled and rescheduled multiple times). And then Thursday SIL calls and says she's coming this weekend. I don't know if she made firm plans with DH and he forgot to tell me or if she was being flaky and didn't finalize her plans. DH was just like "oh I didn't remember if/when/whatever". Anyway - is it rude of me to keep all of our weekend plans and not include her? We're either going to someone's house or already have restaurant reservations so I can't just add her. I feel so awkward but I don't think it's my fault because I had no idea she was coming until yesterday!! She's lucky we did laundry earlier this week because otherwise stuff would still be dirty from my ILs last visit (which I also only had a weeks notice of....gr). My family is far away so we almost always have advance notice unless there's someone coming for a last minute business trip. I'm just so annoyed by all this, it puts me in a weird position and esp when the in laws are in town, unable to make other plans or go run errands without seeming rude.

Sorry you seem like a total bitty. Admit that you don't like your husband's family and move on. All the awkward talk is so disingenuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to cancel, but this is all on your DH. He should have confirmed things with his sister and he's responsible for entertaining her/ sorting things out with her.

But I suspect this is really about you wanting to bitch about the SIL you can't stand under the guise of feeling badly for an awkward situation.

" She talks too much"

OP here - I actually like my SIL but obviously an outsider that talks a lot in a small group totally changes the dynamic of the group, especially when you are trying to catch up with friends that you haven't seen in a while (and in our case, there are also young children around who will be distracting enough).

Anyway, as I said, I told SIL that we already made plans and she's okay with it. She can sit and watch TV or go shopping or whatever while we're out.

Yeah she just seems so over the top and overbearing.

She's more distracting than a bunch of little kids really.

Own up to it she's childless and she's not part of your mommy clique.

And maybe "talks too much" is code for "better personality than mine and I don't want her taking all the attention with her engaging ways"...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have DH cancel one of the planned events and you go alone.

Try to become a little less uptight about visits planned on short notice. Your kids are only going to benefit from the kind of family relationships that welcome unstructured, casual visits from aunts and grandparents.

+1 good advice. OP do you think you're uptight and inflexible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You and kids should go about your plans (ones that you truly can't change) and you DH should stay home with her. No way should he tag along on your plans. You might even leave one kid (assuming you have more than one from context) home if that's more convenient. If I meeting up with friends of certain age children, sometimes one of my kids would rather stay home.

+1. Divide and conquer. You both get to go to whatever coincides with her band concert. After that, you call to amend that due to an unexpected house guest, your husband is going to stay home and entertain the guest while you and the kids keep the original plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You and kids should go about your plans (ones that you truly can't change) and you DH should stay home with her. No way should he tag along on your plans. You might even leave one kid (assuming you have more than one from context) home if that's more convenient. If I meeting up with friends of certain age children, sometimes one of my kids would rather stay home.

+1. Divide and conquer. You both get to go to whatever coincides with her band concert. After that, you call to amend that due to an unexpected house guest, your husband is going to stay home and entertain the guest while you and the kids keep the original plans.

This! It's a no-brainer. Asking a family member who is visiting to sit home and watch TV (because she talks too much!) is quite rude, though your SIL is being very gracious about it.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't cancel anything. Your DH should cancel his appearance for some things and spend time with his sister. It's his fault for either not double checking with her & just telling her yes knowing you guys had plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she's in town to see the band and crash at your place. I'm guessing she doesn't really expect to hang out with you the whole time.

Right? Are you going to the concert with her?

[Anonymous]

I've been on both sides of this situation and while it sucks she did invite herself so she wouldn't have to pay for a hotel

[Anonymous]

He mentioned weeks ago that she was coming and you didn't nail it down before making other plans. All on you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He mentioned weeks ago that she was coming and you didn't nail it down before making other plans. All on you!

No, he mentioned she might be coming. Then they never confirmed. It's up to the sister and op's DH to inform OP of their plans.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP sounds like one of those controlling wives that are surprised when when their husband dumps them. It is not a big deal to add one to a dinner reservation and or a party. I have friends ask me if a sibling who came into town last minute can join and I never thought this was a big deal. You should tell SIL that you didn't realize she was coming and let her know what you have going on and let her know she is welcome to join or not. If you friends have a problem with her you need to get new friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I told SIL when she got here that I'm really sorry I had no idea she was coming so we made all these plans that we can't cancel and she seemed ok with it but I feel bad for leaving her all alone. And I can't call friends I haven't seen in six months and ask if she can come too. It would totally change the dynamic (she talks too much) and it would be rude to them.

I've seen guests call the host to invite extra people to parties, even when they hadn't seen each other for ages, etc... but if you're uncomfortable doing that, fine.

Anyway, you don't need to put yourself out.

DH and I had made plans for NYE with another couple to make dinner at our house. . Then the day before NYE they called to say that SIL didn't have plans and would it be ok if she joined us. We said yes, of course, and it sounded fine in theory but was awkward in reality. The night just had a completely different vibe. But it was one night. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He mentioned weeks ago that she was coming and you didn't nail it down before making other plans. All on you!

No, he mentioned she might be coming. Then they never confirmed. It's up to the sister and op's DH to inform OP of their plans.

Once someone mentions they may be coming, they are penciled in. You don't schedule someone else without checking. You can, of course, insist on a quick answer as soon as the other opportunity presents itself. It's called manners.

[Anonymous]

She told your H she was coming.

Your H told you.

That means you were told she was coming. What do you need an evite type of system that's reminds you 2 weeks and 3 days before that you have a guest.

You are rude, she doesn't care you are rude, she is chill.

Luckily you have a nice SIL.

Take her to dinner tomorrow night to make up for being rude.