MEN ONLY- why do you have difficulties talking about your feelings?

[Anonymous]

I'm worried that my honest straightforward and blunt personality might be causing communication problems in my relationship. I think I'm too assertive. Im working on communicating better. I'm trying to understand why men are not as straightforward with their feelings as some women. I want the male perspective on communication. What prevents a man from expressing how he truly feels about a relationship problem.

Again I want responses from men only.

[Anonymous]

Grunt. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

So what are you going to do with women who chime in?

[Anonymous]

Men can't talk about this because that would fall within the realm of "feelings."

[Anonymous]

Be blunt and straightforward concerning her feelings about that.

Partly biology. Partly due to the societal expectations of men. Particularly expectations of women placed on men. Men no more have light switches than women do. If you want to see the genesis of this behavior, ask yourself, your mother and grandmother why that sort of stoic attitude is valued by women.

[Anonymous]

Because when I tell my DW about my feelings she tells me I'm wrong and it's my fault. Or she starts crying and I end up apologizing just to get her to stop crying.

[Anonymous]

Man here: in my experience, women claim to want men to discuss their feelings, but in reality they don't. Expressions of vulnerability are held against the man, as are feelings the woman views to be inappropriate for one reason or another. It's better to keep your own counsel most of the time, and to talk to one of your guy friends about your doubts and fears.

[Anonymous]

I've found that talking about my feelings with my wife (and with girlfriends previously) leads to misunderstandings and it is just not worth it. Now I do a show of talking about what I can tell she wants my feelings to be and we're both much happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because when I tell my DW about my feelings she tells me I'm wrong and it's my fault. Or she starts crying and I end up apologizing just to get her to stop crying.

I think there is something to this. Woman here - not afraid of OP's "ban.". There are some people (women and men) who say the want to discuss "our feelings" but really what the person asking is saying is that s/he wants to discuss his/her feelings and have the non-communicator mirror these. If it isn't mirrored or the non-communicator expresses contrary feelings, then the above happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because when I tell my DW about my feelings she tells me I'm wrong and it's my fault. Or she starts crying and I end up apologizing just to get her to stop crying.

I think there is something to this. Woman here - not afraid of OP's "ban.". There are some people (women and men) who say the want to discuss "our feelings" but really what the person asking is saying is that s/he wants to discuss his/her feelings and have the non-communicator mirror these. If it isn't mirrored or the non-communicator expresses contrary feelings, then the above happens.

Another woman daring to break in here. I wonder though if this is a symptom of the overall drought. IE, man talks about his feelings when something becomes big enough to talk about so its either negative or a really big deal. First 'feeling' woman hears about in ages is about how he doesn't feel respected or something, woman thinks she's a giant failure.

Had man been more generally communicative about his emotional state on a regular basis, maybe criticisms wouldn't be taken as hard.

Not to say there aren't cray cray drama queens. But my DH is very stoic and if he told me he was feeling worried about something I would freak out because it would seem like the sky was falling. For him to feel bad enough to bring something up would make me think we were on the verge of divorce or something. I would try not to but it would be so out of character that it would be legitimately alarming.

[Anonymous]

Fear, indifference, or difficulty

Fear- others have stated this already
Indifference- we may not feel like our feelings really matter on a particular subject or issue.
Difficult: sometimes I'm not sure how to communicate or articulate how I feel- so I just don't bother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grunt. Shrug.

Guy, it's grunt OR shrug, not both. Don't be such a whiner.

[Anonymous]

From the man's perspective, sometimes it is not that it is difficult to talk about one's feelings, but that it seems like a bad idea to do so.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I've never been shy about communicating what I want out of a relationship. As they say, if you don't ask the answer is always no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because when I tell my DW about my feelings she tells me I'm wrong and it's my fault. Or she starts crying and I end up apologizing just to get her to stop crying.

I think there is something to this. Woman here - not afraid of OP's "ban.". There are some people (women and men) who say the want to discuss "our feelings" but really what the person asking is saying is that s/he wants to discuss his/her feelings and have the non-communicator mirror these. If it isn't mirrored or the non-communicator expresses contrary feelings, then the above happens.

Another woman daring to break in here. I wonder though if this is a symptom of the overall drought. IE, man talks about his feelings when something becomes big enough to talk about so its either negative or a really big deal. First 'feeling' woman hears about in ages is about how he doesn't feel respected or something, woman thinks she's a giant failure.

Had man been more generally communicative about his emotional state on a regular basis, maybe criticisms wouldn't be taken as hard.

Not to say there aren't cray cray drama queens. But my DH is very stoic and if he told me he was feeling worried about something I would freak out because it would seem like the sky was falling. For him to feel bad enough to bring something up would make me think we were on the verge of divorce or something. I would try not to but it would be so out of character that it would be legitimately alarming.

I was wondering how long it would take to make it the man's fault. DCUM, you never disappoint.