Mother's Anxiety and Holidays
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Anonymous
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My Mom is a very high anxiety person and very self centered. Everyone in our family has has to work around these issues of hers our entire lives. My Dad always takes the path of least resistance and does whatever she says/wants.
I literally was just asked via text if I was inviting my parents to our house for Thanksgiving. For Thanksgiving. PS - I'm a Mom of a toddler, I work full-time and I'm undergoing treatment for breast cancer. My BC treatment will be most intense until June and then I will continue receiving a targeted therapy until October. As you can imagine, I've not given a thought to Thanksgiving 2016. I'm seriously annoyed and can't be bothered responding right now. Whether I do respond or don't, this will turn into a huge argument. I will be accused of not accommodating my Mom's need to plan for this holiday and told that I'm the only one who doesn't plan this far ahead for things like this. I'm so angry right now that everything always has to be about her and on her timeline. |
Anonymous
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Wait, who texted you? Your mom or one of your siblings? Maybe the sibling was thinking ahead about inviting your mom, and just wanted to verify with the others that no one else had done so?
I mean, I get that this might be a bigger issue, but a text about Thanksgiving isn't a great example. Just respond: "Well, my cancer treatment is scheduled to last until October, so I haven't really thought about Thanksgiving and don't intend to make any plans until closer to the holiday." |
Anonymous
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Op here - My Dad texted (but prompted to by my Mom clearly bc Dad never texts or cares about these kinds of things)....
Mom often uses Dad to ask us things we are going to be frustrated by.... |
Anonymous
| "Hi Dad, I'm not sure because of my cancer treatments whether or not I'll be up to it. I'm happy to let you know in October, but if you need to plan earlier, please just go ahead with other plans. I can't commit to hosting since my health has to be my first priority, sorry." |
Anonymous
This |
Anonymous
Yes. And, by the way, you are obviously MUCH nicer than I am. |
Anonymous
| Ha...what would you have said? |
Anonymous
Yes this, but drop the "sorry" from the end. You have NO REASON to apologize. "I can't plan Thanksgiving right now because CANCER DAD GODDAMNIT" is something I might have said. Ahem. |
Anonymous
| Just respond: "I was thinking about it, but since you are being so rude, I don't think so. Happy holidays!" |
Anonymous
Something along the lines of "It's fucking MARCH YOU FOOL!" |
Anonymous
Awesome, PP. OP, I hope your treatment goes well! |
Anonymous
| "Dad, I'm focused on the cancer and more immediate concerns right now. Of course, if we have Thanksgiving here, you're invited as always. But if Mom needs to have a plan in place right now, you should go ahead and make arrangements." |
Anonymous
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"If I'm alive by then, we can have Thanksgiving where ever you wish. Thanks for thinking about me at this difficult time in my life!" |
Anonymous
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The really sad thing is that you actually have to REMIND you parents of the following.
"I'm a Mom of a toddler, I work full-time and I'm undergoing treatment for breast cancer. My BC treatment will be most intense until June and then I will continue receiving a targeted therapy until October. As you can imagine, I've not given a thought to Thanksgiving 2016." I can completely understand you not having the emotional energy to respond right away and it's disgusting that you would need to point this out to them. It's hard to imagine, but there really are some people so lacking in empathy that they need to have these things spelled out for them. And not just once, because this explanation won't translate to the next time. |
Anonymous
Sorry. That's not lacking empathy. That's good old American box of rocks dumb. |