Why are so many women here so angry with / resentful toward women who stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep. I've marched for womens rights, I've championed the right to choose, I am in a equal and wonderful marriage. That said, I SAH. I will never, ever call myself a feminist after reading this thread. If you want to pretend that I live in 1850, run with it.

You people are seriously disgusting. Go fight your "battle" from your cubicle. I'll enjoy my family and my calm, ordered life.

Why in heaven's name would you make such a stupid statement over a thread on an anonymous internet chat board that you *know* has got to be full of trolls. You'll never call yourself a feminist after reading this thread? Then you never were one, and it has nothing to do with being a SAHM. Get a clue.

I don't think it's full of trolls. I think that this thread clearly illustrates that many women who call themselves feminists will rip apart other women. There is a clear idea that SAHM are "setting women back" and that they are lazy or "boring".

That's not my feminism.

It's not many women. Don't fall for the trolls. Seriously. And, again, if you equate this with all feminists, you don't understand feminism. I'd be interested to know what "your feminism" is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a full career and an advanced degree from a top 10 R1 institution. I have worked in a demanding field for 20 years and am considered a top performer at my company. In two weeks, I will be an independent contractor 15 hours/week with an infant at home and a young elementary child. I never, ever, thought I would do this. I never, ever thought I would want this. I have always joked that working moms and antidepressants are the two major reasons that there are fewer abused children (source: I made it up).

You know what? I'm tired. Our family dynamic/logistics are such that I have the more demanding job and I work more hours, but I also have to cover drop off and doctor's appts. My eldest has some developmental delays and is not an easy child (a good child, a loving child, but a child who needs a lot of her mom and dad). I am exclusively breastfeeding an infant. I am working 50-60 hours/week with wildly inconsistent hours and conference calls all over the world. My husband works in a SCIF and isn't able to WFH or flex his hours the way I can.

Flexing my hours and working from home is hard. IT IS REALLY FREAKING HARD. And I'm tired all the time. And I have a chronic health condition.

We decided that, for what childcare cost, we would be losing 1/4 (not 1/2 despite the fact that DH and I make the same amount) of our monthly income if I resigned. I will be contracting during naps and just enough for me to (1) keep my resume active, (2) talk to adults, (3) enjoy my time with the kids more. I will take on a bit more of the household management than I already do (I do about 65%) and we will cease spending money on all the things we spend money on so we can both keep working.

I am scared out of my mind. I am excited as well. And I don't think my kids will suddenly think that there are no options for moms except for staying home. I have had a full, demanding career in a male-dominated field. My older child knows mommy works and has always worked and has made sacrifices. She is also INCREDIBLY excited that we'll get to spend the summer together.

Nothing is forever. We'll recalibrate in a few years. But I don't resent women who can afford to stay home. I am in awe and I hope to God I'll be good at it because kids are thankless. I get positive feedback all the time at work. Seven year olds don't appreciate your dedication to... well, anything.

I basically work your schedule (15 hrs/week contract work). You may find that you still need some childcare for your work - nap times get shorter as baby grows and also gets unreliable. You don't need full 15 hrs childcare, but you might want to consider a few uninterrupted work-dedicated hours so you can efficiently get a bulk of it done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep. I've marched for womens rights, I've championed the right to choose, I am in a equal and wonderful marriage. That said, I SAH. I will never, ever call myself a feminist after reading this thread. If you want to pretend that I live in 1850, run with it.

You people are seriously disgusting. Go fight your "battle" from your cubicle. I'll enjoy my family and my calm, ordered life.

Why in heaven's name would you make such a stupid statement over a thread on an anonymous internet chat board that you *know* has got to be full of trolls. You'll never call yourself a feminist after reading this thread? Then you never were one, and it has nothing to do with being a SAHM. Get a clue.

I don't think it's full of trolls. I think that this thread clearly illustrates that many women who call themselves feminists will rip apart other women. There is a clear idea that SAHM are "setting women back" and that they are lazy or "boring".

That's not my feminism.

Feminists do not depend on a man to financially support them. Clear as day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really amazed at all the people with SN kids on here. I see it so often that if I lived only in DCUM land I'd think 25% of newborns were born with mental deficiencies.

When you all say SN - what do you mean? Your kid is a brat? They have heart defects? They have Aspergers? What???

Obviously this poster isn't saying it kindly, but I see her point. It seems like half the SAHMs out there have kids with high / special needs that make working full-time out of the home impossible.

What's that saying? Pretty on the outside, bone ugly on the inside. Obviously you and the poster are ugly through and through. It must be horrible to have all that anger. For heaven's sake, if you are that unhappy change your circumstances.

Just clarifying her point. Of course there are all kinds of special needs that exist, some more severe than others. But it's clear that some - SOME - women use 'managing' that scenario as an excuse not to work.

+1

Me too! The few SAHM I know very obviously do not want to work.

One had 2 cute kids. After both are in school she was finding herself bored and her husband was recommending that she could maybe look at part time work. She promptly got herself an untrained puppy. Since then she says she isn't looking to work again as now she has an untrained puppy and he takes up all of her time.

One mom was dating this rich guy who would not marry her. She got knocked up and after delivery has promptly stopped working. No mention of ever working again. Previously she was filling out law school applications.

It is quite bizarre.



You're disgusting. You are so bitter towards SAHMs that you would accuse people of using their children's special needs as an "excuse"? Karma is going to get you. I'd watch out if I were you. You always get what you put out into the world and you put out hate and misery. Pure and simple.

Do you hear yourself? I mean that seriously. This is coming from a working mom by the way. You and the first PP quoted are nasty and not in the good way.

I am a SAHM. I actually know more than one SAHM who views their child's needs as a golden ticket to never working again. Some of the needs are severe. Others are things like child has ADHD and who would drive them to their tutor?!?! I have nothing against SAHM's obviously. Just admit you don't want to work (I dont.) Don't act like you have no choice.

]

This is EXACTLY what I meant. Thank you. And settle yourself, karma poster.

I just quit to SAH with my son who has cerebral palsy. Settle yourself. If I heard you say that to me in real life, I would deck you and I don't think anyone would blame me.

Nah...you'd still be arrested.

I'm not one of the PPs, but you need to learn to control your anger. The first PP was out of line, but you also are out of line. Settle yourself.

I agree. I would actually think a mother of a child with severe special needs would be offended by the kind of SAHM the PP describes. "Heavens me who will drive Larlo to his once a week tutor for ADHD if I work?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep. I've marched for womens rights, I've championed the right to choose, I am in a equal and wonderful marriage. That said, I SAH. I will never, ever call myself a feminist after reading this thread. If you want to pretend that I live in 1850, run with it.

You people are seriously disgusting. Go fight your "battle" from your cubicle. I'll enjoy my family and my calm, ordered life.

Why in heaven's name would you make such a stupid statement over a thread on an anonymous internet chat board that you *know* has got to be full of trolls. You'll never call yourself a feminist after reading this thread? Then you never were one, and it has nothing to do with being a SAHM. Get a clue.

I don't think it's full of trolls. I think that this thread clearly illustrates that many women who call themselves feminists will rip apart other women. There is a clear idea that SAHM are "setting women back" and that they are lazy or "boring".

That's not my feminism.

Feminists do not depend on a man to financially support them. Clear as day.

Serious question: if she is a lesbian and depends on her wife for financial support, can she be a feminist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH - amused at the cat fight here.
You women are crazy. High school clicks and judginess are alive and strong. Men don't care about these things - to each their own.

Of course men don't care about these things. They are never forced to make these choices. No man thinks about what career path to take based on whether or not he plans to have kids. Everyone, including the men themselves, assumes they will continue in their career regardless of whether they have children or not. No one ever wonders about whether or not to hire a man who hasn't had children yet. etc. etc. etc.

I agree that these types of threads bring out the trolls and some pettiness, but your comment is equally stupid and tone-deaf. If all you come away from this thread with is "women are crazy" then you are missing the point. How about, "Gee, this sucks that women alone are forced to deal with this bullshit. We should change how we view child-rearing in this society." But no, all you got is the old, tired, stupid "women are crazy." Idiot.

No. Sorry, but he is correct. Y'all are bat-shit crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep. I've marched for womens rights, I've championed the right to choose, I am in a equal and wonderful marriage. That said, I SAH. I will never, ever call myself a feminist after reading this thread. If you want to pretend that I live in 1850, run with it.

You people are seriously disgusting. Go fight your "battle" from your cubicle. I'll enjoy my family and my calm, ordered life.

Why in heaven's name would you make such a stupid statement over a thread on an anonymous internet chat board that you *know* has got to be full of trolls. You'll never call yourself a feminist after reading this thread? Then you never were one, and it has nothing to do with being a SAHM. Get a clue.

I don't think it's full of trolls. I think that this thread clearly illustrates that many women who call themselves feminists will rip apart other women. There is a clear idea that SAHM are "setting women back" and that they are lazy or "boring".

That's not my feminism.

Feminists do not depend on a man to financially support them. Clear as day.

I don't depend on him financially as I have more money than him. Can I be a feminist now? Ppppllleeeaaaasssee? I want to be allowed to tell everyone exactly how much they have to work in order to qualify as a feminist.

You're like a parody of yourself and you don't even see it.

[Anonymous]

Feminist = single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH - amused at the cat fight here.
You women are crazy. High school clicks and judginess are alive and strong. Men don't care about these things - to each their own.

Of course men don't care about these things. They are never forced to make these choices. No man thinks about what career path to take based on whether or not he plans to have kids. Everyone, including the men themselves, assumes they will continue in their career regardless of whether they have children or not. No one ever wonders about whether or not to hire a man who hasn't had children yet. etc. etc. etc.

I agree that these types of threads bring out the trolls and some pettiness, but your comment is equally stupid and tone-deaf. If all you come away from this thread with is "women are crazy" then you are missing the point. How about, "Gee, this sucks that women alone are forced to deal with this bullshit. We should change how we view child-rearing in this society." But no, all you got is the old, tired, stupid "women are crazy." Idiot.

No. Sorry, but he is correct. Y'all are bat-shit crazy.

I know you think you are funny, but you are not. Bless your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep. I've marched for womens rights, I've championed the right to choose, I am in a equal and wonderful marriage. That said, I SAH. I will never, ever call myself a feminist after reading this thread. If you want to pretend that I live in 1850, run with it.

You people are seriously disgusting. Go fight your "battle" from your cubicle. I'll enjoy my family and my calm, ordered life.

Why in heaven's name would you make such a stupid statement over a thread on an anonymous internet chat board that you *know* has got to be full of trolls. You'll never call yourself a feminist after reading this thread? Then you never were one, and it has nothing to do with being a SAHM. Get a clue.

I don't think it's full of trolls. I think that this thread clearly illustrates that many women who call themselves feminists will rip apart other women. There is a clear idea that SAHM are "setting women back" and that they are lazy or "boring".

That's not my feminism.

Feminists do not depend on a man to financially support them. Clear as day.

Serious question: if she is a lesbian and depends on her wife for financial support, can she be a feminist?

No. She is voided on a technicality.

[Anonymous]

I am a social worker and am unlikely to ever break $75K. My husband is a lawyer and makes several times that. My lifestyle would be *very* different if it were just my kids and me (or just me). No SFH with a 20 minute commute, no international travel, no "top" school pyramid for the kids, no being OK with the fact my 10 year old lost her very nice winter jacket and we had to get her a new one (I was annoyed, yes, but it was not something that put us back significantly in terms of finances), no camps for the kids, etc.

Can I not consider myself a feminist, given that I "depend" on my husband for almost all of the luxuries our family enjoys, even though I work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really amazed at all the people with SN kids on here. I see it so often that if I lived only in DCUM land I'd think 25% of newborns were born with mental deficiencies.

When you all say SN - what do you mean? Your kid is a brat? They have heart defects? They have Aspergers? What???

Obviously this poster isn't saying it kindly, but I see her point. It seems like half the SAHMs out there have kids with high / special needs that make working full-time out of the home impossible.

What's that saying? Pretty on the outside, bone ugly on the inside. Obviously you and the poster are ugly through and through. It must be horrible to have all that anger. For heaven's sake, if you are that unhappy change your circumstances.

Just clarifying her point. Of course there are all kinds of special needs that exist, some more severe than others. But it's clear that some - SOME - women use 'managing' that scenario as an excuse not to work.

+1

Me too! The few SAHM I know very obviously do not want to work.

One had 2 cute kids. After both are in school she was finding herself bored and her husband was recommending that she could maybe look at part time work. She promptly got herself an untrained puppy. Since then she says she isn't looking to work again as now she has an untrained puppy and he takes up all of her time.

One mom was dating this rich guy who would not marry her. She got knocked up and after delivery has promptly stopped working. No mention of ever working again. Previously she was filling out law school applications.

It is quite bizarre.



You're disgusting. You are so bitter towards SAHMs that you would accuse people of using their children's special needs as an "excuse"? Karma is going to get you. I'd watch out if I were you. You always get what you put out into the world and you put out hate and misery. Pure and simple.

Do you hear yourself? I mean that seriously. This is coming from a working mom by the way. You and the first PP quoted are nasty and not in the good way.

I am a SAHM. I actually know more than one SAHM who views their child's needs as a golden ticket to never working again. Some of the needs are severe. Others are things like child has ADHD and who would drive them to their tutor?!?! I have nothing against SAHM's obviously. Just admit you don't want to work (I dont.) Don't act like you have no choice.

]

This is EXACTLY what I meant. Thank you. And settle yourself, karma poster.

I just quit to SAH with my son who has cerebral palsy. Settle yourself. If I heard you say that to me in real life, I would deck you and I don't think anyone would blame me.

Nah...you'd still be arrested.

I'm not one of the PPs, but you need to learn to control your anger. The first PP was out of line, but you also are out of line. Settle yourself.

I agree. I would actually think a mother of a child with severe special needs would be offended by the kind of SAHM the PP describes. "Heavens me who will drive Larlo to his once a week tutor for ADHD if I work?"

I get paid $1200/week to take care of a special needs child. Most families cannot afford that. Hence,'most moms SAH.its very challenging. It's easy to judge if you're not in their shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really amazed at all the people with SN kids on here. I see it so often that if I lived only in DCUM land I'd think 25% of newborns were born with mental deficiencies.

When you all say SN - what do you mean? Your kid is a brat? They have heart defects? They have Aspergers? What???

Obviously this poster isn't saying it kindly, but I see her point. It seems like half the SAHMs out there have kids with high / special needs that make working full-time out of the home impossible.

What's that saying? Pretty on the outside, bone ugly on the inside. Obviously you and the poster are ugly through and through. It must be horrible to have all that anger. For heaven's sake, if you are that unhappy change your circumstances.

Just clarifying her point. Of course there are all kinds of special needs that exist, some more severe than others. But it's clear that some - SOME - women use 'managing' that scenario as an excuse not to work.

+1

Me too! The few SAHM I know very obviously do not want to work.

One had 2 cute kids. After both are in school she was finding herself bored and her husband was recommending that she could maybe look at part time work. She promptly got herself an untrained puppy. Since then she says she isn't looking to work again as now she has an untrained puppy and he takes up all of her time.

One mom was dating this rich guy who would not marry her. She got knocked up and after delivery has promptly stopped working. No mention of ever working again. Previously she was filling out law school applications.

It is quite bizarre.



You're disgusting. You are so bitter towards SAHMs that you would accuse people of using their children's special needs as an "excuse"? Karma is going to get you. I'd watch out if I were you. You always get what you put out into the world and you put out hate and misery. Pure and simple.

Do you hear yourself? I mean that seriously. This is coming from a working mom by the way. You and the first PP quoted are nasty and not in the good way.

I am a SAHM. I actually know more than one SAHM who views their child's needs as a golden ticket to never working again. Some of the needs are severe. Others are things like child has ADHD and who would drive them to their tutor?!?! I have nothing against SAHM's obviously. Just admit you don't want to work (I dont.) Don't act like you have no choice.

]

This is EXACTLY what I meant. Thank you. And settle yourself, karma poster.

I just quit to SAH with my son who has cerebral palsy. Settle yourself. If I heard you say that to me in real life, I would deck you and I don't think anyone would blame me.

Hugs to you. I bet your child is precious. I have no idea why people are being so nasty on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really amazed at all the people with SN kids on here. I see it so often that if I lived only in DCUM land I'd think 25% of newborns were born with mental deficiencies.

When you all say SN - what do you mean? Your kid is a brat? They have heart defects? They have Aspergers? What???

Obviously this poster isn't saying it kindly, but I see her point. It seems like half the SAHMs out there have kids with high / special needs that make working full-time out of the home impossible.

What's that saying? Pretty on the outside, bone ugly on the inside. Obviously you and the poster are ugly through and through. It must be horrible to have all that anger. For heaven's sake, if you are that unhappy change your circumstances.

Just clarifying her point. Of course there are all kinds of special needs that exist, some more severe than others. But it's clear that some - SOME - women use 'managing' that scenario as an excuse not to work.

+1

Me too! The few SAHM I know very obviously do not want to work.

One had 2 cute kids. After both are in school she was finding herself bored and her husband was recommending that she could maybe look at part time work. She promptly got herself an untrained puppy. Since then she says she isn't looking to work again as now she has an untrained puppy and he takes up all of her time.

One mom was dating this rich guy who would not marry her. She got knocked up and after delivery has promptly stopped working. No mention of ever working again. Previously she was filling out law school applications.

It is quite bizarre.



You're disgusting. You are so bitter towards SAHMs that you would accuse people of using their children's special needs as an "excuse"? Karma is going to get you. I'd watch out if I were you. You always get what you put out into the world and you put out hate and misery. Pure and simple.

Do you hear yourself? I mean that seriously. This is coming from a working mom by the way. You and the first PP quoted are nasty and not in the good way.

I am a SAHM. I actually know more than one SAHM who views their child's needs as a golden ticket to never working again. Some of the needs are severe. Others are things like child has ADHD and who would drive them to their tutor?!?! I have nothing against SAHM's obviously. Just admit you don't want to work (I dont.) Don't act like you have no choice.

]

This is EXACTLY what I meant. Thank you. And settle yourself, karma poster.

I just quit to SAH with my son who has cerebral palsy. Settle yourself. If I heard you say that to me in real life, I would deck you and I don't think anyone would blame me.

Nah...you'd still be arrested.

I'm not one of the PPs, but you need to learn to control your anger. The first PP was out of line, but you also are out of line. Settle yourself.

I agree. I would actually think a mother of a child with severe special needs would be offended by the kind of SAHM the PP describes. "Heavens me who will drive Larlo to his once a week tutor for ADHD if I work?"

I get paid $1200/week to take care of a special needs child. Most families cannot afford that. Hence,'most moms SAH.its very challenging. It's easy to judge if you're not in their shoes.

Or then there is my rich friend who has 3 school aged children and still employs a nanny 3-7pm and weekends to take care of the SN one so as not to "affect" the other two kids whatsoever. The result is they are basically a family of four with a random kid living with them who never gets to leave the house or go anywhere fun. True story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have absolutely no problems with SAHM. I grew up in a home with a SAHM and I know that I turned out the way I did cause she was home. I am not married, no kids and great job. My mom did have issues later, divorced had to find job, little education so low paying job. Now in her 80's she lives on SS and me and siblings help out the best we can financially. So to the SAHM I say, do it but make sure you are covered if something goes south in the future. Big income husband with good lawyer can leave you penniless with minimal child support if it is assumed you can work. Stash a little away for a rainy day. If it never comes spending on something fun. Just take care that you are covered under ALL circumstances

None of this shit would've happened if that dear mother of yours had bothered to get even a clerical job . Hence, the confusion and disappointment towards SAHMS