DC Urban Moms Farce

[Anonymous]

I think I would go crazy if I didn't have a place like this where I can use words like yummy,, tummy monster, toddler, little one and mommy all the time. I would have no other outlet where I could be taken seriously and ask my inane questions and start fights or fight with complete strangers over absolutely nothing. Ah, so therapeutic for me. I mean, how am going to find out about things like what other people wear to bed, whether they had a Valentines Day chocolate hangover or whether would they be mad if their friends picked up their latte and dinner tabs. Truth is that I have nothing better to do than twiddle my thumbs and worry about pleasing my DH and then complaining about it. But it is important. Trust me. Sometimes I worry about what I will do when my toddler gets older and mommy can't talk about the tummy monster or use words like yummy anymore. I can only hope that I will be involved with some other worthless time sucking activity. I guess I will always be able to speak highly of my uber gifted child though.

[Anonymous]

New Poll: If you are withdrawing your application from private because of the downturned economy, please name the school and the grade.

[Anonymous]

If you are withdrawing your child from the child where he or she is already enrolled and would be willing to sell me your spot, please indicate the school and grade. Offer applies only to the Big Three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate moms who drive their shopping carts at Ikea like they are at nascar. Just because there is a baby in your cart does not give you free reign to run people over.

this is the farce thread, not the annoying moms thread. that said, those carts are impossible to control; the baby just adds centrifugal force. why do all four wheels move around?????

That's funny. Were you at Ikea today because I actually had the same problem. I was annoyed with the stupid moms with three kids in the actual cart speeding around like morons cutting into lines and bumping into people. Hard to control or not be polite. Sheesh. And three kids, ages 4, 3, and 2 do not belong in the cart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are withdrawing your child from the child where he or she is already enrolled and would be willing to sell me your spot, please indicate the school and grade. Offer applies only to the Big Three.

How much are you offering?

[Anonymous]

"Umm - as the SAHM of a highly gifted high school student who attends a prestigious public magnet program, I take offense. "

Are there any parents on this blog who have normal kids?

[Anonymous]

Of course not. You must be confusing DCUMs with people who live in Rockville.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are withdrawing your child from the child where he or she is already enrolled and would be willing to sell me your spot, please indicate the school and grade. Offer applies only to the Big Three.

How much are you offering?

I'll let you eat the food I've been guarding from my nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are withdrawing your child from the child where he or she is already enrolled and would be willing to sell me your spot, please indicate the school and grade. Offer applies only to the Big Three.

How much are you offering?

I'll let you eat the food I've been guarding from my nanny.

Is it celery?

[Anonymous]

OMG, are you the woman who hired my old nanny? No, this one only eats kabocha squash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, are you the woman who hired my old nanny? No, this one only eats kabocha squash.

Well, you probably told your nanny she could eat whatever she wanted in the refrigerator.

Does eating only kabocha squash make your nanny want to use the toilet a lot? How does that work with the no-toilet policy in your house? Do you just have her cross her legs the whole day?

[Anonymous]

Of course I let her use the toilet...at the local FC Rec Center. I've heard it's a little sketchy, but she's Asian, so she blends right in.

[Anonymous]

Come to think of it, though, she did come home and complain about some white woman giving her the evil eye. She thought it was strange the woman was showering fully dressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come to think of it, though, she did come home and complain about some white woman giving her the evil eye. She thought it was strange the woman was showering fully dressed.

Alright, there's now coffee all over my keyboard.

[Anonymous]

Have a C-Section

You'll never regret it.

Vaginal delivery brings about permanent unwelcome changes in a woman's body. Your vagina will be left larger and looser. Don't believe books like What to Expect When You're Expecting which asserts the changes will be imperceptible. If you're a woman who has ever had sex (you must have since you're pregnant! Unless, of course, you're the Octomom) or worn a tampon, you WILL notice the changes post-childbirth.

Also, planned c-sections are almost always scheduled approximately two weeks before your actual due date. Often a woman can avoid bad stretch marks which make their appearance in the last weeks and days of pregnancy, by delivering before her due date.

And don't get me started on the whole pelvic floor thing. Look, I've tried it both ways. The planned c-section experience is far superior to vaginal delivery on every level. And best of all you're left with an intact vagina! You can't know how important that is until something larger than 5 lbs pushes and strains it's way out of one of the most delicate regions of your body.