Feeling excluded from team

[Anonymous]

I am in a small (<5) department at a large company. The rest of the department, including my boss and her boss, frequently goes out together (at least once a week) for hours-long lunches. No one has mentioned this to me, of course, but it's fairly obvious when everyone is gone for 3 hours and then comes back with bags from the same places. This started a few months ago (I have been here several years) and is leading me to feel increasingly left out.

Anyone else been in this situation? I am fine with not seeing them outside of work but it would be nice if they at least weren't so obvious about excluding me in the office.

[Anonymous]

Same issue here and I'm leaving because of it. I'm half their age, so they feel justified in leaving me out often. My main issue is that they discuss work issues without me present and I'm often left out of the discussions.

[Anonymous]

This is a classic EEO violation. It's used as a hypothetical when training managers. There are too many ways that this could be perceived as discrimination. Age, gender, religion, national origin, discrimination for past protected activity. I can't imagine any savvy manager doing this.

Talk to HR. There is no excuse for this type of misconduct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic EEO violation. It's used as a hypothetical when training managers. There are too many ways that this could be perceived as discrimination. Age, gender, religion, national origin, discrimination for past protected activity. I can't imagine any savvy manager doing this.

Talk to HR. There is no excuse for this type of misconduct.

It is only an EEO violation if the person is in a protected class (that differs from the others).

With that said, it is bad form to exclude people.

[Anonymous]

Invite yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite yourself.

OP here. DH says this is the obvious answer. My thought is that in a group this small they know exactly what they are doing by excluding just one person, and inviting myself will just open the doors for them to make fun of me behind my back since they weren't interested in including me at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic EEO violation. It's used as a hypothetical when training managers. There are too many ways that this could be perceived as discrimination. Age, gender, religion, national origin, discrimination for past protected activity. I can't imagine any savvy manager doing this.

Talk to HR. There is no excuse for this type of misconduct.

It is only an EEO violation if the person is in a protected class (that differs from the others).

With that said, it is bad form to exclude people.

Everyone is in a protected class.

[Anonymous]

Do have a decent rapport with any of them? Invite the friendliest one to coffee or lunch and don't mention the lunches you're excluded from. Just make yourself available for office-time socializing and be fun. Maybe they haven't been inviting you because they think you don't want to come, or because they don't know you as well as they know each other. Get to know them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic EEO violation. It's used as a hypothetical when training managers. There are too many ways that this could be perceived as discrimination. Age, gender, religion, national origin, discrimination for past protected activity. I can't imagine any savvy manager doing this.

Talk to HR. There is no excuse for this type of misconduct.

Don't go to HR! HR is not your friend, and will protect the company. It will only make you look like a whiner/immature.

I agree with the poster who suggested friending one as a starting point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite yourself.

OP here. DH says this is the obvious answer. My thought is that in a group this small they know exactly what they are doing by excluding just one person, and inviting myself will just open the doors for them to make fun of me behind my back since they weren't interested in including me at all.

I think you are jumping to conclusions. Indicate to them that you are interested, and see how they react. For example, next time they come back from lunch. comment on the leftovers bag -- "Oh, that sounds a lot better than the sandwich I had for lunch! Let me know next time you go out, and I'll go with you." If you say this to a few co workers over a few weeks and they still don't invite you then, yes, you can assume that they just aren't interested including you.

Also -- who cares if they "make fun of you"? What would they say, "Ohhh, Sally wanted to come to lunch and we didn't invite her, ha ha ha!" If that is really what makes them happy, forget them.

[Anonymous]

This is me too OP. My issue is that I have absolutely nothing in common with my team. I've tried. I can typically make small talk with random strangers and find lots in common, but not my coworkers! Different generations I guess? I'm half their age, but make the same amount, but they talk to me like I'm their child. Anything I comment on that's going on in the news or world, they say their kids do that too. I'm 30 FFS!

I feel so left out though because they all eat together and hang out together. It's affecting work a lot too because 10% of what they talk about at lunch or at each other's offices is work related and I'm out of the loop. I hate it here.

[Anonymous]

Do you really want to hang out with 60 year olds?

[Anonymous]

I think that is rude of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic EEO violation. It's used as a hypothetical when training managers. There are too many ways that this could be perceived as discrimination. Age, gender, religion, national origin, discrimination for past protected activity. I can't imagine any savvy manager doing this.

Talk to HR. There is no excuse for this type of misconduct.

It is only an EEO violation if the person is in a protected class (that differs from the others).

With that said, it is bad form to exclude people.

Everyone is in a protected class.

That is not how EEO law works. They can fire someone for being white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic EEO violation. It's used as a hypothetical when training managers. There are too many ways that this could be perceived as discrimination. Age, gender, religion, national origin, discrimination for past protected activity. I can't imagine any savvy manager doing this.

Talk to HR. There is no excuse for this type of misconduct.

It is only an EEO violation if the person is in a protected class (that differs from the others).

With that said, it is bad form to exclude people.

Everyone is in a protected class.

That is not how EEO law works. They can fire someone for being white.

Employment lawyer here. No, they absolutely cannot. Race is a protected class no matter what race you are. Caucasians file EEO complaints all the time. So do men.

If there are five people on a team going to lunch, they are not all going to be the same religion. They are not all going to be the same national origin. They are probably not going to be the same gender, or age category. There is no way that this is not an EEO violation.