If you regret having a third (but would only admit it here)...

[Anonymous]

Looking for some real world stories of how a third child impacted your lives. We've got two great kids, money and sort of the time for another (it could be done). We want another kid, but the work involved in the early years -sheesh-exhausting! Anyone have a third and regret it? Anyone change their mind?
Kids are so rewarding, but I'm just not sure I want the work. Also, how will it affect my marriage? We're happy but don't have a lot of together time.

[Anonymous]

I've had several friends all but tell me this. They love their third to bits, but I think emotionally/logistically it can be a whole new world.

[Anonymous]

There are like 4000 threads on this. I've posted on about six of them already. Search and ye shall find.

[Anonymous]

Let me start by saying I DON'T regret our 3rd. But ...... the first 18 mo or so was sheer hell. And we wondered what the hell we did to our nice life. But the early years you are dreading don't last forever and it got (so much) better. Yes, it's still nuts around the house. Yes, it is more expensive. Yes, things would have been logistically easier if we'd stuck with 2. Yes, the chaos and exhaustion strained our marriage. No, I don't think everyone should have a 3rd. But our 3rd is my heart and soul and we never regret him for second! Good luck with your decision. We never wanted to look back and regret NOT doing it.

[Anonymous]

I love her dearly. It isn't overwhelming on logistics. But it is expensive.

[Anonymous]

I would say that it's either overwhelming or expensive and you know better than we so whether you can affors that second option.

We have a nanny who switched her schedule to afternoons during my maternity leave so that DH and I handled the morning routine together, DH dropped off older two to school/preschool, nanny picked them up, kept them happy and occupied, made dinner and did baths and then stayed after bedtime to do dinner dishes, kids' laundry and pack lunches for the next day. Once I went back to work she resumed her normal schedule and she handled the morning routine with all three kids by herself so that I could sleep in a little and recover from overnight feedings, then she got the baby on a good nap schedule that works with older kids' routines, handled laundry and general household stuff during the morning shift when she only had the baby and made dinner for the family, then handled afternoons with all 3 and DH and I would arrive home to bathed kids already i pjs, dinner on the table and a reasonably tidy house. Now the kids are 9, 7 and 5 and our nanny still works full-time. She now does all the grocery shopping, laundry, and dinner prep during the day, as well as staying on top of things like bringing snack for soccer, getting new winter coats, getting supplies needed for a project, etc. She also covers all school holidays and manages getting everyone's homework and music practice done and schlepping them to their various activities and playdates. We still arrive home to kids who are bathed and in jammies and dinner on the table and they usually are done with homework and practices and are ready to just chill out and enjoy family time.

[Anonymous]

My sister would never admit it, but adding a third made her household completly and utterly chaotic. The logistics of three just adds another dynamic.

[Anonymous]

23:08, sounds like you have a third parent, not a nanny. What do you and your DH do for your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that it's either overwhelming or expensive and you know better than we so whether you can affors that second option.

We have a nanny who switched her schedule to afternoons during my maternity leave so that DH and I handled the morning routine together, DH dropped off older two to school/preschool, nanny picked them up, kept them happy and occupied, made dinner and did baths and then stayed after bedtime to do dinner dishes, kids' laundry and pack lunches for the next day. Once I went back to work she resumed her normal schedule and she handled the morning routine with all three kids by herself so that I could sleep in a little and recover from overnight feedings, then she got the baby on a good nap schedule that works with older kids' routines, handled laundry and general household stuff during the morning shift when she only had the baby and made dinner for the family, then handled afternoons with all 3 and DH and I would arrive home to bathed kids already i pjs, dinner on the table and a reasonably tidy house. Now the kids are 9, 7 and 5 and our nanny still works full-time. She now does all the grocery shopping, laundry, and dinner prep during the day, as well as staying on top of things like bringing snack for soccer, getting new winter coats, getting supplies needed for a project, etc. She also covers all school holidays and manages getting everyone's homework and music practice done and schlepping them to their various activities and playdates. We still arrive home to kids who are bathed and in jammies and dinner on the table and they usually are done with homework and practices and are ready to just chill out and enjoy family time.

So when do you parent? Asking honestly, but as a fellow strugging Mom of three of around the same age, it sounds like the nanny is doing much of the parenting. How do you fill the emotional/logistical gaps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that it's either overwhelming or expensive and you know better than we so whether you can affors that second option.

We have a nanny who switched her schedule to afternoons during my maternity leave so that DH and I handled the morning routine together, DH dropped off older two to school/preschool, nanny picked them up, kept them happy and occupied, made dinner and did baths and then stayed after bedtime to do dinner dishes, kids' laundry and pack lunches for the next day. Once I went back to work she resumed her normal schedule and she handled the morning routine with all three kids by herself so that I could sleep in a little and recover from overnight feedings, then she got the baby on a good nap schedule that works with older kids' routines, handled laundry and general household stuff during the morning shift when she only had the baby and made dinner for the family, then handled afternoons with all 3 and DH and I would arrive home to bathed kids already i pjs, dinner on the table and a reasonably tidy house. Now the kids are 9, 7 and 5 and our nanny still works full-time. She now does all the grocery shopping, laundry, and dinner prep during the day, as well as staying on top of things like bringing snack for soccer, getting new winter coats, getting supplies needed for a project, etc. She also covers all school holidays and manages getting everyone's homework and music practice done and schlepping them to their various activities and playdates. We still arrive home to kids who are bathed and in jammies and dinner on the table and they usually are done with homework and practices and are ready to just chill out and enjoy family time.

so she runs your family.

[Anonymous]

I want that nanny!!!! Sounds awesome and smart.

[Anonymous]

We opted for two and have enjoyed many things our friends with 3 are not able to do, weekends away, nicer vacations, etc.
It is all a balance and deciding on priorities.

Our kids are aware that they are experiencing a nicer lifestyle because there are, only, tow of them.

Might this be harder on them in the long run? Who knows. We both lost our parents young. So we are more of the "live in the now" mind-set than most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that it's either overwhelming or expensive and you know better than we so whether you can affors that second option.

We have a nanny who switched her schedule to afternoons during my maternity leave so that DH and I handled the morning routine together, DH dropped off older two to school/preschool, nanny picked them up, kept them happy and occupied, made dinner and did baths and then stayed after bedtime to do dinner dishes, kids' laundry and pack lunches for the next day. Once I went back to work she resumed her normal schedule and she handled the morning routine with all three kids by herself so that I could sleep in a little and recover from overnight feedings, then she got the baby on a good nap schedule that works with older kids' routines, handled laundry and general household stuff during the morning shift when she only had the baby and made dinner for the family, then handled afternoons with all 3 and DH and I would arrive home to bathed kids already i pjs, dinner on the table and a reasonably tidy house. Now the kids are 9, 7 and 5 and our nanny still works full-time. She now does all the grocery shopping, laundry, and dinner prep during the day, as well as staying on top of things like bringing snack for soccer, getting new winter coats, getting supplies needed for a project, etc. She also covers all school holidays and manages getting everyone's homework and music practice done and schlepping them to their various activities and playdates. We still arrive home to kids who are bathed and in jammies and dinner on the table and they usually are done with homework and practices and are ready to just chill out and enjoy family time.

So when do you parent? Asking honestly, but as a fellow strugging Mom of three of around the same age, it sounds like the nanny is doing much of the parenting. How do you fill the emotional/logistical gaps?

Not PP, but I'd guess she's parenting after she comes home. Reading her post, it seems like the nanny is doing all the stuff you have to do as a parent but isn't really "parenting". Buying groceries, new coats, bringing soccer snacks? I'd love it if someone could handle that stuff so I could just chill out and give my undivided attention to the kids when I come home. How much parenting are you doing while doing laundry or buying project supplies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that it's either overwhelming or expensive and you know better than we so whether you can affors that second option.

We have a nanny who switched her schedule to afternoons during my maternity leave so that DH and I handled the morning routine together, DH dropped off older two to school/preschool, nanny picked them up, kept them happy and occupied, made dinner and did baths and then stayed after bedtime to do dinner dishes, kids' laundry and pack lunches for the next day. Once I went back to work she resumed her normal schedule and she handled the morning routine with all three kids by herself so that I could sleep in a little and recover from overnight feedings, then she got the baby on a good nap schedule that works with older kids' routines, handled laundry and general household stuff during the morning shift when she only had the baby and made dinner for the family, then handled afternoons with all 3 and DH and I would arrive home to bathed kids already i pjs, dinner on the table and a reasonably tidy house. Now the kids are 9, 7 and 5 and our nanny still works full-time. She now does all the grocery shopping, laundry, and dinner prep during the day, as well as staying on top of things like bringing snack for soccer, getting new winter coats, getting supplies needed for a project, etc. She also covers all school holidays and manages getting everyone's homework and music practice done and schlepping them to their various activities and playdates. We still arrive home to kids who are bathed and in jammies and dinner on the table and they usually are done with homework and practices and are ready to just chill out and enjoy family time.

Wow. Do your kids ever forget who you are?

[Anonymous]

I love my third and am thrilled to have her. The other two will get less individual time with you. It willi be more expensive, three college tuitions instead of two. If you feel it might strain your marriage, don't do it, your other two deserve to be in a healthy family environment.