If you regret having a third (but would only admit it here)...

[Anonymous]

We have two nannies. One for week nights and a different one for weekends. Plus we like to bring one of them when we travel as a family. Weekly cleaner, grocery delivery, lawn service, send laundry out, etc. Basically we outsource everything possible. It's very expensive but worth it because we both have demanding careers we love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that it's either overwhelming or expensive and you know better than we so whether you can affors that second option.

We have a nanny who switched her schedule to afternoons during my maternity leave so that DH and I handled the morning routine together, DH dropped off older two to school/preschool, nanny picked them up, kept them happy and occupied, made dinner and did baths and then stayed after bedtime to do dinner dishes, kids' laundry and pack lunches for the next day. Once I went back to work she resumed her normal schedule and she handled the morning routine with all three kids by herself so that I could sleep in a little and recover from overnight feedings, then she got the baby on a good nap schedule that works with older kids' routines, handled laundry and general household stuff during the morning shift when she only had the baby and made dinner for the family, then handled afternoons with all 3 and DH and I would arrive home to bathed kids already i pjs, dinner on the table and a reasonably tidy house. Now the kids are 9, 7 and 5 and our nanny still works full-time. She now does all the grocery shopping, laundry, and dinner prep during the day, as well as staying on top of things like bringing snack for soccer, getting new winter coats, getting supplies needed for a project, etc. She also covers all school holidays and manages getting everyone's homework and music practice done and schlepping them to their various activities and playdates. We still arrive home to kids who are bathed and in jammies and dinner on the table and they usually are done with homework and practices and are ready to just chill out and enjoy family time.

Well how do you think couples with two intense careers handle it? My DH works in politics at a high level. It's a passion career and he thrives on the pressure as you probably know it but doesn't pay very well. Which leaves me to carry the lion's share of everything else. Luckily I made partner at my firm but that comes with its own headaches and means I can't have the kind of home life my own mother had, for example. We basically needed a "wife" and we made sure our nanny applicants understood this when we interviewed them for the job.
So when do you parent? Asking honestly, but as a fellow strugging Mom of three of around the same age, it sounds like the nanny is doing much of the parenting. How do you fill the emotional/logistical gaps?

Not PP, but I'd guess she's parenting after she comes home. Reading her post, it seems like the nanny is doing all the stuff you have to do as a parent but isn't really "parenting". Buying groceries, new coats, bringing soccer snacks? I'd love it if someone could handle that stuff so I could just chill out and give my undivided attention to the kids when I come home. How much parenting are you doing while doing laundry or buying project supplies?

+1

Reread her post. Nanny does all the upkeep for the house, does the school holidays and events, handles homework and shuttling to practices and games and playdates, then comes home and cooks dinner and does baths and jams and has the kids ready for their nightly kiss goodnight from mummy and daddy. Kids need a new winter coat? Nanny handles that. Kid needs to bring oranges to soccer? That's nanny. OP and her husband are missing all the small moments in which parenting actually occurs and is rewarding. That nanny probably sticks around because she IS their mom and she's scared of what'll happen to those kids if she isn't around. For that PP the question isn't if she regrets having her third, it's why did she bother having kids at all if she was going to outsource all but the last 60 minutes a day of care for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is off topic but lay off the mom with a nanny.

It sounds like she found a terrific person to become part of her "family". I bet her house is calm, the schedule is set and able to withstand variances from illness, school holidays, parental job obligations, etc... And I'm sure that nanny loves the kids - and more love is great.

It's fine for everyone to solve these problems in ways that work best for their family.

It's not fine to judge other parenting approaches when the net result is stability, security, and love for the kids.

+1. Just plain meanness here!

[Anonymous]

Don't have three - even numbers work better generally, imo, stop at two or go for four! I would also only do more than two if I had family close by and didn't travel by plane a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister would never admit it, but adding a third made her household completly and utterly chaotic. The logistics of three just adds another dynamic.

I'm wondering if this poster is secretly my brother. I admit it. I am not saying we have regrets, but adding a third definitely made things for challenging. Now perhaps if we could afford a full time nanny I would feel differently.