If you regret having a third (but would only admit it here)...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that it's either overwhelming or expensive and you know better than we so whether you can affors that second option.

We have a nanny who switched her schedule to afternoons during my maternity leave so that DH and I handled the morning routine together, DH dropped off older two to school/preschool, nanny picked them up, kept them happy and occupied, made dinner and did baths and then stayed after bedtime to do dinner dishes, kids' laundry and pack lunches for the next day. Once I went back to work she resumed her normal schedule and she handled the morning routine with all three kids by herself so that I could sleep in a little and recover from overnight feedings, then she got the baby on a good nap schedule that works with older kids' routines, handled laundry and general household stuff during the morning shift when she only had the baby and made dinner for the family, then handled afternoons with all 3 and DH and I would arrive home to bathed kids already i pjs, dinner on the table and a reasonably tidy house. Now the kids are 9, 7 and 5 and our nanny still works full-time. She now does all the grocery shopping, laundry, and dinner prep during the day, as well as staying on top of things like bringing snack for soccer, getting new winter coats, getting supplies needed for a project, etc. She also covers all school holidays and manages getting everyone's homework and music practice done and schlepping them to their various activities and playdates. We still arrive home to kids who are bathed and in jammies and dinner on the table and they usually are done with homework and practices and are ready to just chill out and enjoy family time.

So when do you parent? Asking honestly, but as a fellow strugging Mom of three of around the same age, it sounds like the nanny is doing much of the parenting. How do you fill the emotional/logistical gaps?

Not PP, but I'd guess she's parenting after she comes home. Reading her post, it seems like the nanny is doing all the stuff you have to do as a parent but isn't really "parenting". Buying groceries, new coats, bringing soccer snacks? I'd love it if someone could handle that stuff so I could just chill out and give my undivided attention to the kids when I come home. How much parenting are you doing while doing laundry or buying project supplies?

But overseeing homework and schlepping to practices/activities (where you can overhear and/or talk about a lot) are huge parts of parenting older kids. She's doing more than laundry and shopping.

[Anonymous]

A third is much worse for the environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that it's either overwhelming or expensive and you know better than we so whether you can affors that second option.

We have a nanny who switched her schedule to afternoons during my maternity leave so that DH and I handled the morning routine together, DH dropped off older two to school/preschool, nanny picked them up, kept them happy and occupied, made dinner and did baths and then stayed after bedtime to do dinner dishes, kids' laundry and pack lunches for the next day. Once I went back to work she resumed her normal schedule and she handled the morning routine with all three kids by herself so that I could sleep in a little and recover from overnight feedings, then she got the baby on a good nap schedule that works with older kids' routines, handled laundry and general household stuff during the morning shift when she only had the baby and made dinner for the family, then handled afternoons with all 3 and DH and I would arrive home to bathed kids already i pjs, dinner on the table and a reasonably tidy house. Now the kids are 9, 7 and 5 and our nanny still works full-time. She now does all the grocery shopping, laundry, and dinner prep during the day, as well as staying on top of things like bringing snack for soccer, getting new winter coats, getting supplies needed for a project, etc. She also covers all school holidays and manages getting everyone's homework and music practice done and schlepping them to their various activities and playdates. We still arrive home to kids who are bathed and in jammies and dinner on the table and they usually are done with homework and practices and are ready to just chill out and enjoy family time.

So when do you parent? Asking honestly, but as a fellow strugging Mom of three of around the same age, it sounds like the nanny is doing much of the parenting. How do you fill the emotional/logistical gaps?

She'll ask her nanny tomorrow and get back to you.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the point that a third is much worse for the environment. Better for the children already on the earth to refrain from making more.

And if you have any doubt it could put a strain on your marriage or give you too much stress to be a parent, don't do it. Your kids deserve happy parents more than they need another sibling.

[Anonymous]

My 3rd is 6mo, and my older two are 5 and 3. I wouldn't say I regret her, but I'm not sure I would do it again. I love her dearly! But I feel like there isn't enough of me to go around and that my husband doesn't deal with the chaos of three well. And then there is my daycare bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that it's either overwhelming or expensive and you know better than we so whether you can affors that second option.

We have a nanny who switched her schedule to afternoons during my maternity leave so that DH and I handled the morning routine together, DH dropped off older two to school/preschool, nanny picked them up, kept them happy and occupied, made dinner and did baths and then stayed after bedtime to do dinner dishes, kids' laundry and pack lunches for the next day. Once I went back to work she resumed her normal schedule and she handled the morning routine with all three kids by herself so that I could sleep in a little and recover from overnight feedings, then she got the baby on a good nap schedule that works with older kids' routines, handled laundry and general household stuff during the morning shift when she only had the baby and made dinner for the family, then handled afternoons with all 3 and DH and I would arrive home to bathed kids already i pjs, dinner on the table and a reasonably tidy house. Now the kids are 9, 7 and 5 and our nanny still works full-time. She now does all the grocery shopping, laundry, and dinner prep during the day, as well as staying on top of things like bringing snack for soccer, getting new winter coats, getting supplies needed for a project, etc. She also covers all school holidays and manages getting everyone's homework and music practice done and schlepping them to their various activities and playdates. We still arrive home to kids who are bathed and in jammies and dinner on the table and they usually are done with homework and practices and are ready to just chill out and enjoy family time.

So when do you parent? Asking honestly, but as a fellow strugging Mom of three of around the same age, it sounds like the nanny is doing much of the parenting. How do you fill the emotional/logistical gaps?

She'll ask her nanny tomorrow and get back to you.

for the win

[Anonymous]

Carbon foot print of an American
(Production, shipping, distribution of all we consume) is crazy.

American should have 2 kids tops.

[Anonymous]

Can you all grow up please?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 3rd is 6mo, and my older two are 5 and 3. I wouldn't say I regret her, but I'm not sure I would do it again. I love her dearly! But I feel like there isn't enough of me to go around and that my husband doesn't deal with the chaos of three well. And then there is my daycare bill.

This is pretty much what all my friends say. And they say that parents of 2 have NO CLUE. Both our kids are strong-willed, "spirited" kids - the only mellow one in the family is DH, so it was an easy decision for us to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A third is much worse for the environment.

Bingo!

It's selfish to sacrifice mother earth for a third.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that it's either overwhelming or expensive and you know better than we so whether you can affors that second option.

We have a nanny who switched her schedule to afternoons during my maternity leave so that DH and I handled the morning routine together, DH dropped off older two to school/preschool, nanny picked them up, kept them happy and occupied, made dinner and did baths and then stayed after bedtime to do dinner dishes, kids' laundry and pack lunches for the next day. Once I went back to work she resumed her normal schedule and she handled the morning routine with all three kids by herself so that I could sleep in a little and recover from overnight feedings, then she got the baby on a good nap schedule that works with older kids' routines, handled laundry and general household stuff during the morning shift when she only had the baby and made dinner for the family, then handled afternoons with all 3 and DH and I would arrive home to bathed kids already i pjs, dinner on the table and a reasonably tidy house. Now the kids are 9, 7 and 5 and our nanny still works full-time. She now does all the grocery shopping, laundry, and dinner prep during the day, as well as staying on top of things like bringing snack for soccer, getting new winter coats, getting supplies needed for a project, etc. She also covers all school holidays and manages getting everyone's homework and music practice done and schlepping them to their various activities and playdates. We still arrive home to kids who are bathed and in jammies and dinner on the table and they usually are done with homework and practices and are ready to just chill out and enjoy family time.

So when do you parent? Asking honestly, but as a fellow strugging Mom of three of around the same age, it sounds like the nanny is doing much of the parenting. How do you fill the emotional/logistical gaps?

No parenting involved. She spends her free time on DC Urban Moms

[Anonymous]

I had a stress induced heart attack when my third was little. I don't actually regret having 3, but it's darn hard.

I work part-time and we paid 20k in daycare last year and could only deduct 6k. Grrrr

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that it's either overwhelming or expensive and you know better than we so whether you can affors that second option.

We have a nanny who switched her schedule to afternoons during my maternity leave so that DH and I handled the morning routine together, DH dropped off older two to school/preschool, nanny picked them up, kept them happy and occupied, made dinner and did baths and then stayed after bedtime to do dinner dishes, kids' laundry and pack lunches for the next day. Once I went back to work she resumed her normal schedule and she handled the morning routine with all three kids by herself so that I could sleep in a little and recover from overnight feedings, then she got the baby on a good nap schedule that works with older kids' routines, handled laundry and general household stuff during the morning shift when she only had the baby and made dinner for the family, then handled afternoons with all 3 and DH and I would arrive home to bathed kids already i pjs, dinner on the table and a reasonably tidy house. Now the kids are 9, 7 and 5 and our nanny still works full-time. She now does all the grocery shopping, laundry, and dinner prep during the day, as well as staying on top of things like bringing snack for soccer, getting new winter coats, getting supplies needed for a project, etc. She also covers all school holidays and manages getting everyone's homework and music practice done and schlepping them to their various activities and playdates. We still arrive home to kids who are bathed and in jammies and dinner on the table and they usually are done with homework and practices and are ready to just chill out and enjoy family time.

So when do you parent? Asking honestly, but as a fellow strugging Mom of three of around the same age, it sounds like the nanny is doing much of the parenting. How do you fill the emotional/logistical gaps?

Not PP, but I'd guess she's parenting after she comes home. Reading her post, it seems like the nanny is doing all the stuff you have to do as a parent but isn't really "parenting". Buying groceries, new coats, bringing soccer snacks? I'd love it if someone could handle that stuff so I could just chill out and give my undivided attention to the kids when I come home. How much parenting are you doing while doing laundry or buying project supplies?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me start by saying I DON'T regret our 3rd. But ...... the first 18 mo or so was sheer hell. And we wondered what the hell we did to our nice life. But the early years you are dreading don't last forever and it got (so much) better. Yes, it's still nuts around the house. Yes, it is more expensive. Yes, things would have been logistically easier if we'd stuck with 2. Yes, the chaos and exhaustion strained our marriage. No, I don't think everyone should have a 3rd. But our 3rd is my heart and soul and we never regret him for second! Good luck with your decision. We never wanted to look back and regret NOT doing it.

Not OP, but how old are your DC now? We have 3 under age 7, love them all to bits but wondering when it will get less exhausting.

[Anonymous]

I know everyone's family is different but as ine if three I feel as though sibling dunamics are a lot different with 3-- with us it was often 2 on 1 and the middle kid definitely has a bit if middle kid syndrome.