Any moms out there walk away and give custody to dad?

[Anonymous]

I know I'll be crucified for this but I'm curious if anyone has done this. I'm strongly considering it. I've been to a lawyer and know I want a divorce, but I think I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm not a good mom. I wouldn't do this out of hate or anything other than I honestly think my daughter will be better off without me. The only person my husband has a bad temper with is me - he's got a lot of patience with our daughter (6) and I feel like she'd grow up without any of the drama I bring. I'm the yeller, the one who loses patience, the one with the biting tongue. I am no good. Anyone do this and be OK with it, as "OK" as you can be?

[Anonymous]

Regardless of what you think your deficiencies are as a mother, your daughter LOVES you will be devastated. She will likely find a way to blame herself as a child. As an adult you will probably have a hard time ever having a relationship should you change your mind about wanting one.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you might want to consider that the strife in your marriage has led to a lot of stress, which in turn causes yelling, losing patience, etc.
I'm not saying you need to fight for majority of time, but I also don't think you should make a determination on something this important right now.
You sound depressed. It's hard to make rational decisions when you are depressed.

[Anonymous]

I think you sound depressed and perhaps not in the right state of mind to make such a huge decision. I'd seek therapy before you do anything.

[Anonymous]

You say you've been to a divorce lawyer have you been to a therapist?

You sound depressed.

I would suggest therapy for yourself and possibly together with your husband.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. What you're saying sounds like sign of serious depression. Before you blow up everyone's lives you need to give both both individual and couples therapy a chance. Also antidepressant medicine will help you control your mood swings and other impulsive behavior. Hangin there and don't abandon your family-- your destructive cycles will continue ur and your daughter needs you.

[Anonymous]

My brother's wife did this. She was a drug using schizophrenic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you might want to consider that the strife in your marriage has led to a lot of stress, which in turn causes yelling, losing patience, etc.
I'm not saying you need to fight for majority of time, but I also don't think you should make a determination on something this important right now.
You sound depressed. It's hard to make rational decisions when you are depressed.

+1 I'm a much better mom now that I'm divorced, much more patient and checked-in and not so quick to anger. Living with cheater who was completely check out of our marriage and our household just wore me down. Get a therapist, now!

[Anonymous]

Your kid doesn't want perfect, she wants you.

Definitely seek therapy, and seriously consider that you will be a better parent without your husband around. You don't know what that will be like, but you must think it will be better if you're looking into divorce.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize, OP, as I also fantasize about fleeing from my problems. It seems people would be better off and I can escape the pain. But in reality, our job is to just do the work that it takes to get better. In this case, it may mean your husband has primary custody and you become every other weekend, every other holiday, and summer vacation mom. That is better for you and your girl than abandoning her completely.

[Anonymous]

No. Why not share the custody, but let him make major decision if you think his is a great dad and his decisions will be better for your child.
You posting is very one-side/ lop-sided and now you want to make a decision that's similar.

[Anonymous]

OP, give him primary custody and you do every other weekend. Just do the reverse of what usually happens.

[Anonymous]

My uncles wife did this. She was in the severe end of bipolar. Kid was much better off, he's now in college. She died recently, but he visited. She wasn't a very good mother. Giving his dad custody was an act of love for her child.

[Anonymous]

I echo other posters who suggest therapy and also visits to your doctor because you may hear a diagnosis. If after that you still feel that your child would be better with her dad, then you can suggest that he have primary custody, but the idea that you should just wash your hands of her is beyond devastating. You simply cannot walk out of her life like that. Or at least you shouldn't.

[Anonymous]

You need to keep a toehold there, in case you change your mind and are in a better space later on.

Many parents have severe physical or mental illnesses that prevent them from caring for their children. Are you in that situation? If not, you have a duty to your child to be in her life, in some capacity. You have a duty to get well, as much as possible, to be a good parent for her.