Any moms out there walk away and give custody to dad?

[Anonymous]

Although it may not be the norm for a mom to give up custody, it doesn't mean you will ruin your child's life (or your own). My aunt and uncle divorced when my cousins were young, and my uncle raised them alone. My cousins are now in their 40s, both happily married with children. They still have a reasonably good relationship with their mom and dad (both of whom remarried long ago).

[Anonymous]

Poster who often chimes in about snorting coke off of stripper's asses.

You need to see a counselor, and unless you are having some hot stud snorting cocaine off your ass, leaving your kid alone in a room with sharp knives, or can't even get it up to get your kid off to school, you can initially agree to "Mad Men" custody with some sort of escalation clause(s) to move it up to 50/50 (i.e. if you do XYZ, you will get 50/50).

This assumes your desire to leave isn't rooted in your depression (which as an armchair psychiatrist, I am able to diagnose.)

[Anonymous]

Why does it have to be mental illness if a mother wants the children to live with their father?? While for men it's the default to let the mother keep them.

In some cultures, this is the default custody: father keeps child. In case of boys, it can be a very good thing. I know of several examples it's worked well.

In my case, it wasn't my choice but its worked for everyone. I was alone in grad school with heavy debt, no time and very overwhelmed. the kids lived with XH for 3 years then spent time with my parents during a transition... Now they're older they've chosen to live with their dad and I visit. Especially for my son who had behavioral problems its been great. Dad is more extroverted, gets involved with other parents & activities, which I just wouldn't be good at.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you are depressed and need to work on that first before you make any decisions. Your DH may not be as patient around your daughter if you are not around to be his target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it have to be mental illness if a mother wants the children to live with their father?? While for men it's the default to let the mother keep them.

In some cultures, this is the default custody: father keeps child. In case of boys, it can be a very good thing. I know of several examples it's worked well.

In my case, it wasn't my choice but its worked for everyone. I was alone in grad school with heavy debt, no time and very overwhelmed. the kids lived with XH for 3 years then spent time with my parents during a transition... Now they're older they've chosen to live with their dad and I visit. Especially for my son who had behavioral problems its been great. Dad is more extroverted, gets involved with other parents & activities, which I just wouldn't be good at.

My cousin is recently divorced (dad) and he has custody (3 girls). The divorce was amicable, and his ex sees the girls every other weekend and I think every Weds night or something. This was her choice - she thought 50-50 was too disruptive for the kids, and husband had more flexible hours (professor) than she (surgeon). He also had his parents nearby (10 mins) so they could come help out as needed.
Sometimes choosing to not be the primary parent is an act of selflessness. She was (is) a great mom. She just doesn't believe in the joint custody model.

[Anonymous]

It's not unforgivable for moms to give up custody. What's unforgivable is for a mom to completely walk away from her child, unless she is emotionally or physically abusive or addicted or suffering from serious mental illness, in which case a child may be truly better off without her.

Please don't abandon your DD. It may make sense for your DD to live with her father full-time and have visits with you, but for her well-being it is important that you remain a fixture in her life.