Hiring a cleaning lady and not telling husband?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I both work full time,new have small kids and pets. It feels like we can never get ahead in keeping the house clean. We can definitely afford a cleaning lady, and have talked about it in the past. He just won't commit and says "well I can do X, we don't have to pay someone", but doesn't

Would I be a terrible person to have a person clean for us and just not tell him? My job is flexible, so I can be here when she is here

[Anonymous]

In would try one more time before hiring. Since he says "we" make a list of weekly and monthly cleaning chores and split it. Then see if it gets done. I'd not then clearly you guys can't/don't want to do it yourselves.

[Anonymous]

I have a busy period at work for five months. I spent 2 hours one night cleaning the kitchen and the bathrooms, and doing laundry, while my husband napped on the couch. I got so annoyed, I just told him we are hiring a cleaner. Best marriage decision ever. We've had one for 7 years now.

At least tell him one more time. Offer it as a trial run. Especially with a service, you don't have to commit.

[Anonymous]

Why even feel like you are sneaking? Phrase is that "we aren't staying on top of it, so I hired someone to come in X times a month". He will not care once you pull the trigger and the house is clean.

[Anonymous]

PP role reversal here my ex wife on the phone while I clean the house. Her conversation ends when I get done cleaning go figure.
Im OCD about cleaning I clean the same areas she just cleaned ( I don't do it when she's present). To me it's not clean unless I did it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why even feel like you are sneaking? Phrase is that "we aren't staying on top of it, so I hired someone to come in X times a month". He will not care once you pull the trigger and the house is clean.

DH. I agree with this. I'm actually the one who did this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In would try one more time before hiring. Since he says "we" make a list of weekly and monthly cleaning chores and split it. Then see if it gets done. I'd not then clearly you guys can't/don't want to do it yourselves.

+1

We have a cleaning service every two weeks. Husband complains about it -about the pickin up we have to do before she comes, about how messy the house is 3 days after she comes (toddler and we both work), AND that we're paying someone to do something "we" should do. The first two don't seem to jibe with the third, but he doesn't get that. Probably because part of him thinks "we" means "me," the one with the uterus.

Anyway - I told him we could cancel her if and only if we (he) made a list of chores and split it by task. Hasn't taken me up on it.

So I'd say the same - make a list of everything that needs to get done, give him half the items and tell him if they aren't done by a certain time, you're hiring someone.

[Anonymous]

Just do it and tell him that you are doing a three month trial to see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why even feel like you are sneaking? Phrase is that "we aren't staying on top of it, so I hired someone to come in X times a month". He will not care once you pull the trigger and the house is clean.

+1

I hired & pay for the service; he does repairs & house maintenance. I don't care if he does it himself or hires someone. We're even and neither of us is bitter or spending our time cleaning when we'd rather do something else.

[Anonymous]

As others have said, you need to tell him that you've hired someone, but necessarily that you are going to hire someone. Pull that trigger, OP, and tell him after he comes home to a spotless house.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the others. Just do it. Don't hide it.

[Anonymous]

The cleaning service gets about $25/hr per person & the house is clean in 2 hours. It would take me 4 or more hours, and my time is worth more than that. I outsource. Simple math.

I'm too busy to spend my weekend cleaning.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Great advice! Thank you. Called cleaning person to come over for an estimate (is this the norm?). Gonna tell him it costs X and she is doing a trial run. He will agree once he sees the difference it makes, especially on our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Why do you clean up before the cleaner comes? This is what I don't get. If I were to hire somebody, I'll leave the cleaning to her, totally, with clear written instructions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you clean up before the cleaner comes? This is what I don't get. If I were to hire somebody, I'll leave the cleaning to her, totally, with clear written instructions.

We declutter a little before the cleaning person. Otherwise the knives and pans that don't go I the dishwasher will end up there. And stuff will be put away into random places. Maybe it's just my service and they clean in a quick whirlwind. I have yet to see them place my bath mats back the way they are supposed to be. But the house is clean and shiny so I only complain about the big stuff if they miss it b